[Fr3der1ck]

I’m currently 21 years old and an economics student about to start my second year of university.

This is probably going to sound like a massive sob story, but I just want someone to read it and hopefully give me some advice.

I’ve had a fascination with gambling ever since I was a young boy and I’ve dabbled in it here and there since I turned 18. Mainly I played poker, winning and losing a few quid here and there, we’re talking swings of £20-40 in a month. In a year I’d win or lose a couple of hundred, but this was a hobby and these sums were very much within my limits. I never considered my a gambler with a problem, it was purely for recreation.

But

In the middle of July this year, I had a multitude of personal problems hit me all at once and I started gambling as a coping mechanism, specifically roulette with a bit of poker on the side but the amounts I gambled playing poker pale in comparison to roulette.

Unfortunately, I started winning money on the roulette wheel straight away which only got me hooked. I made a few deposits around a few different sites totalling around £1,000 and within a few weeks, I ran it up to around £4,000. On the personal side of things, I wasn’t feeling any happier in life. Looking back this should’ve been an obvious warning sign.

On roulette, I’d generally bet £5-10 as a warm-up and £25-50-100 when I was running hot. Also, throw in a few big bets £250-500 when I was feeling invincible or when I ‘knew’ which number/colour was ‘due’ on the next spin of the roulette wheel.

It goes without saying that as a 21-year-old, ‘making’ an average of roughly £1,000 a week from roulette didn’t incentivise me to go to work (I do shift work in the hospitality industry alongside my studies, making £9-10 per hour). So there was no real choice in deciding what to do for money out of working or gambling. I didn’t even go out and see my friends either, and I avoided my family throughout this time. The only person I’d spend any time with was my girlfriend. She knew that I gambled, but was unaware of the stakes I that I played at. I never lied to her about the stakes, she just didn’t ask about it so I didn’t feel like I needed to say anything, especially while the money was rolling in, irresponsible on my part I know.

But this month, in the early hours of 14th August, it all came crashing down. I was at my girlfriend’s house lying in bed while she was asleep. I’d just finished a pretty good session of roulette making a profit of around £400. But I thought to myself that I’ve been running so hot that I should continue, at least until I knew that my run was over.

Boy was it.

I reversed £200 off of the withdrawal and within a few bets it was gone. Okay, the wheel didn’t favour me for 4 or 5 spins. No problem, I’ll be able to win that back in seconds and make a few extra quid for the trouble. £800 was quickly deposited and the roulette wheel made short work of that. – £1,000 gone in, probably in under 3 minutes.

I felt quite uncomfortable, especially because just minutes prior I was celebrating the fact that I’ve now got enough money to help me through the next few years comfortably, I was also thinking about spending some of the winnings on getting private therapy which I still need. I knew I’d still won close to £3,000 over the course of the last couple of weeks but it didn’t seem fair £1,000 had quickly disappeared so suddenly.

I should’ve stopped here.

I began chasing that £1,000 and that initial winning streak became a distant memory, as a nasty losing streak very quickly took its stranglehold on me. I found myself betting £200 then £400 then £800 per spin and this escalated into as much as £1,000-2,000 per spin all while pacing around my girlfriend’s house at 5am.

What was happening to me? Within 5 minutes I’d gone from celebrating the fact I could live comfortably and get some good quality private therapy to doggedly chasing losses throwing enough money for a laptop or a second-hand car on every spin. It wasn’t money to me though, it was a number on a screen.

My memory of the session I had in the next 20 minutes that followed is now pretty blank except I knew I was ridiculously stressed out and that, even worse, I was close to climbing out of the hole I dug for myself on a couple of occasions.

But being close wasn’t good enough, I needed to be out of the hole along with being up money, I felt like I deserved to win something for all the stress (of course it was entirely self-inflicted stress).

Eventually after betting £500-2000 per spin, my £4,000 was gone.

I was incensed. I knew that I’d just burned through a lot of money but I ‘knew’ I was due a big win soon and would for sure be out of the hole.

I deposited £1,200 back onto my gambling account and within 3 or 4 spins that money was gone.

I had about £2,000 left in my bank and of course it wasn’t going to stay there. I loaded all of that money onto my gambling account. At this point I was willing to stop once I’d ran it back up to £6,000, I could accept losing a grand or two at this point as long as I was overall up money since this stupid gambling adventure began.

But that’s not what happened, loss after loss ensued and that final £2,000 quickly turned into £0.

Within 20 minutes I’d gone from being up £4,000 to being down about £4,200. An £8,200 swing. That £4,000 was pretty much most of my money. I had about £2,500 left to my name but all of that money was loaned to a family member, so I had nothing left to gamble with.

I felt terrible. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have suicidal thoughts, not only because of the money but because of everything else going on in my life and I felt ready to carry it out. I also felt so tired and drained at that point that I just climbed into bed with my girlfriend and fell asleep weirdly quickly considering the emotional rollercoaster I’d put myself through.

The following days weren’t easy, I had to ask my sister to lend me £150 to tide me over until another family member of mine could pay me some of the £2,500 I had loaned.

I’ve since taken a few shots at winning some of the money back but it’s only led to me racking up a further £700 approximately in losses.

I know that I need to stop gambling permanently now, because, since the £8k swing, I’ve never stopped while I’ve been ahead, I’ve just kept trying to run my money up and up until I eventually lose it all.

I know to a lot of you a net loss of £4.7k (or £8.2k if you include money which I was up) is nothing in comparison to some people.

In addition to this I don’t have a credit card and throughout this experience I’ve only slipped into an overdraft of £600 but I did have money coming in the next day to cover it.

I do have time on my side being relatively young at 21. But I would’ve had about £10k to my name, right now if I stopped at my peak (but obviously you’re never going to voluntarily switch off that buzz). Now, I’ve only got about £1.7k to my name, kind of annoying since I’ve been out of school for 3 years and that’s all I have to show for it. But I’m also aware that this really isn’t how to look at the situation, particularly since I want to now recover.

My immediate standard of living isn’t going to change because it was my saved money which I gambled away but the pain of knowing that this will probably cost me in the long run, when it comes to getting a mortgage (in London I’ll add) stings massively.

I’ve been battling against gambling withdrawals for the last couple of weeks. I’m worried for when my student finance comes in later in September, I don’t want to gamble any of it but I know that I’ll have a battle on my hands to resist the urge to gamble.

I’ve got a GP appointment booked for Monday and I’ll definitely bring up my gambling addiction. On top of that, I’ve booked about 62 hours of shift work for next week which will help kickstart my road to earning back some of my losses. The fact I’m not in debt to any companies, banks or people is also a plus at this point I guess.

But I don’t know, I’m still feeling really bad about the whole situation and every day is a battle not to gamble.

Do any of you have any advice for me?

[Meghna83]

 

Stop while you’re ahead. 4.7.k is nothing compared to 30k plus that I have lost. I needed that money for a mortgage too.

You will get over tHat amount but continue and you will lose much much more. Like me, you bet big so the chances of increasing the losses in a short space of time are high.

Quit now before it gets worse.

Gamban on all devices, it’s free for the first 14 days.GamStop, self exclude. Give your money to a close friend or family member 

You said it’s just numbers on a screen for you. I too only see empty numbers and no value which helps lower my barriers and inhibitions.  That’s a tell tale sign of how online gambling for you is dangerous 

You are still young so £4.7 will be earned very easily once you start working

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[hambone]

That 4k is gone, forget it. It was never yours. Stop obsessing over it and quite while you’re ahead. I used to get paid $3500 USD at midnight and it would be gone before sun up. Even if I won some it would keep me from sleeping knowing it’s there.

Point is, it can and will get much worse. Remember how miserable you felt right after and use that for motivation not to gamble in the future

[jimmywright]

Change your focus, forgive my bluntness but all I see here is a mourning of the loss of your money. That won’t make you give up gambling as this is a very temporary feeling, less than a week in my experience and the cycle has the potential to start again. Surround yourself with good people, advice – go to GA be open and honest to your nearest and dearest so you can have some accountability with others, surrender control of money. Great that you have reached out well done for sharing on here. Your focus is very money orientated reading this…seek a vocation which you enjoy and money will become secondary – in my experience if money is the primary reason for doing something like your job for example, this has a high likelihood to result in gambling. It sounds to me like you are seeking some fulfilment perhaps or there is something deeper within you which is perhaps scary or painful to confront

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

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