thanks to all who read between the lines and know i struggling and wrote and gave me hope and good advice–i really struggling -i very depressed today- i too tired to make ga tonite–no sleep–we extroverts generally cover up weaknesses with a joke–but my tears flow as i write this– i have not hit rock bottom yet–but i not far from bottom rung of that ladder i have climbed to top before-that was 18 months ago and 18 months not gamble–at the moment -alone–i on a roller coaster–four walls is no place to look at-let alone come home to feed myself-alone..i lucky i dont drink–but i text my wife this morning-told her i down-physically mentally and financially–she thinks its normal -as husband and wife apart in two countries —i not tell her-the real reason yet-but i gave her an inkling–all is not right with her husband–she only knows me in her company–when i perfect gentleman-not alone with my demons–but i have 8 weeks to get my act together before i leave for china-thats saturation of ga -meetings–not just one day at a time–its one meeting a day for me-thats how i went 18 months -non gamble.but like many i tested myself withour ga–and result is obvious-i have gone down-bigtime–but work awaits me now–i exhausted-i put on my act for my customers–laughing on outside–but today crying on the inside–but alone–the tears come..you know the feeling-you been there too.get a life-or get stuffed well and truly by a poker machine