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#4043
mermaid
Participant

It all feels so deeply personal and I realise that I don´t even know where to turn for support. I find a lot of comfort in reading other posts on here, although each situation is unique, there are many patterns in common…many. With my cg, the addiction seems to suddenly take over him and seize him, sweep him up…and away…and he changes and is controlled by it. But at other times….he is completely “normal”…a kind and gentle person, who is known as someone who has a big heart (but who has always been crazy with money…). It is impossible to know when these waves will hit, although there are patterns, triggers…arguments between us (especially over money…a vicious circle…), him being on his own, him having money, him feeling stressed or even just bored, but often very much it seems when he feels there is pressure around money and he wishes he could fix it and we could have more (which will never happen with gambling, and it is only his addiction that tells him otherwise at the time to spur him on). He is aware he has an addiction and that it can control him and make him feel powerless against it and I see him in a kind of shock afterwards, like a kind of ghost possessing him has left him. He has passed through that stage and admitted he has a problem and that he wants to fight it and change, and says he wants that more than anything. But it is still so hard to know the tools that he has at his disposal to go on that journey, and also those that are available to me when I am in Cuba. I feel I will only have what I am learning in these few weeks here. It would be nice to have things to read over and over to remind me when I am there. It feels all still very much at the beginning and that there will be many trials ahead (but I am not focussing on those 🙂 ).