[jenjenb]

This is my first attempt at recovery. I have been gambling for a little over a year now. I’ve lost more than I can count, I’ve had to borrow money for rent and food each month, and have ruined relationships with my close friends. I’ve been borrowing money from my parents practically every week for a few months now and am now in so much debt that I have no choice but to stop.

I can’t handle the nonstop calls from bill collectors anymore. I absolutely can not tell my family what is going on so I don’t have anyone that can take over my finances for me. I have friends to emotionally support me but none that I can have take over my finances. So I have social support but have to handle my money myself. I will have to do this on my own. I typically get paid on a Friday, skip work every other Friday to gamble as soon as I get the paycheck, gamble thousands away over the weekend and then struggle for the next two weeks with no money until I get paid again and go through the same cycle.

I am still parcially in denial about the gravity of the situation. I have a high paying job and know that if I stop I will be able to save up money pretty quickly. Theoretically I could get ride of all of my credit card debt in a few months if I can just stop gambling already. Problem is that I know I’ve been saying that for a few months now. I also keep leaving work to go gamble. I have a lot of flexibility in my job so it has been okay so far but I am not doing the’ work I need to get done so if I don’t get caught up soon it will be a huge problem. I’ve also gained a lot of weight over the past year. Being upset about my weight and associated inability to find anyone to date has been fueling binge eating and gambling.

The worst part about it is that I also have insomnia and have been just sitting up all night thinking about gambling or even going to the casino at 3 or 4 am when I can’t sleep. At night I am too tired to do work or anything productive, but not enough to sleep, so I just lay in bed thinking about gambling or about the trouble I am in and everything that I’ve been ignoring. I am struggling a lot right now. I gambled yesterday and did the typical cycle of winning a good amount and then not being able to get myself to leave and inevitably losing it all. I am very angry with myself for not leaving when I was up. I am torturing myself with the thought that if I just would have left when I was up then I would have had enough money for my rent and bills and now am struggling with the urge to go back so I can get that money back. I know I won’t get the money back and will lose way more, I know that, but I can‘t get it out of my head. I don’t know how I will be able to stop myself from going back at some point today or tomorrow. I’ve told friends that I am struggling with wanting to go right now but I live alone so there is no one to really stop me when it is 4am and I can’t sleep. I am giving myself headaches from the not sleeping and obsessing. 

I am really hopeful that I will stop and everything will get better. I can easily imagine a life without gambling. But because of those thoughts, I am not as freaked out as I should be. I am rationalizing everything with the thought that once I stop everything will easily be fine again. I am not taking the problem seriously enough. I don’t want to lose my hope and positivity about the future, but those are definitely not helping because I think that it will just happen, I’ll definitely get better, and all will be fine. It’s not, I logically know that none of that is true, but still can’t get rid of the thoughts.

[velvet]

Hello Jenjen and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[kin]

Chapter 1
I walk down the street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I fall in. I am lost.I am hopeless, It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I pretend I dun see it, I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But I believe it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I see it is there I still fall in, it‘s a habit I know where I am It is my fault I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
Where are you now?

[kin]

This story was about a mountain climber, who wanted to climb the highest mountain. He began his adventure after many years of preparation, but since he wanted the glory just for himself, he decided to climb the mountain alone. The night felt heavy in the heights of the mountains, and the man could not see anything. All was black. Zero visibility, and the moon and the stars were covered by the clouds.

As he was climbing, only a few feet away from the top of the mountain, he slipped and fell into the air, falling at a great speed. The climber could only see black spots as he went down, and the terrible sensation of being sucked by gravity. He kept falling… and in those moments of great fear, it came to his mind all the good and bad episodes of his life. He was thinking now about how close death was getting, when all of a sudden he felt the rope tied to his waist pull him very hard.

His body was hanging in the air. Only the rope was holding him, and in that moment of stillness he had no other choice but scream, « HELP ME GOD!! »

All of a sudden, a deep voice coming from the sky answered, « What do you want Me to do? »

« Save me God!! »

« Do you really think I can save you? »

« Of course I believe You can. »

« Then cut the rope tied to your waist. »

There was a moment of silence and the man decided to hold on to the rope with all his strength.

The rescue team found the climber dead and frozen on the next day…his body hanging from a rope – His hands holding tight to the rope only 10 feet away from the ground.

When are you going to let go of the gambling?

[kin]

In a faraway place, villagers capture monkeys using a banana and coconut trap. A small hole is made in a coconut, just big enough to fit a monkey hand, and a banana is placed within.
A monkey then comes along, puts his hand inside the coconut, and grab the banana. The monkey tried to pull out his hand but it is far too big to fit through the hole, it is now trapped inside the hole but the monkey still refuses to surrender his banana.
His captor then approaches and capture the monkey.
Why didn’t the monkey just let go of the banana?
The monkey is a victim of habit. By refusing to change and sticking to an act that has served him well in the past (eating a banana), he allows himself to get captured.
The monkey was trapped by his refusal to admit that something that has previously been good for him has now become dangerous.
Don’t get trapped by unhelpful thoughts or actions. Just let go of the banana!
Gambling is the banana!
Don’t be the monkey!

[Monica1]

Welcome to the forum. You are in the grip of an addiction that becomes an obsession and gets worse and worse until we just stop. If you did the 20 questions of GA and asked yourself those questions, you would quite possibly answer yes to many of them. When we lose work time to gambling and spend every penny on it we are really in the grip of it. I know cos that was me. There is, however, hope, even if we think there isnt. We cannot give up without support whether that comes from therapy from a gambling addictions counsellor, posting on the forum or going to GA. Sign on to gamstop if you are in the uk, which bars us from all on line gambling. Find out the triggers and why we gamble, it is different for all of us but for many women it is an escape from loneliness, loss or general unhappiness with life . I went on the gma womens programme whch is great and a huge support. Good luck.. and keep posting, lovely folk on this forum who will give you support.

[lizbeth4]

You’re here. The first step is the hardest. Put all barriers up to help you from gambling. You want to stop but your brain will keep telling you to. Stop now before you are in financial ruin and maybe don’t have a,job. Isn’t your family suspicious that something is wrong? You can recover from this but it will take hard work and your commitment. Keep posting. We are in this together. You are not alone.

[charles]

Hi Jen,

There are things you can do to make it harder for you to gamble.

Number one – get excluded from that casino.

You leave work to gamble? Don’t take money or ATM cards to work. Just take enough money for lunch and you can’t gamble however tempted.

Keep reding the other stories here and let us know what positive actions you are going to take.

[Auteur]

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