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    • #50794
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Hy everybody , English is not my first language sorry if im gonna misspel things 

      My gambling addiction started 15years ago i was 23 at the time and making a lot of money at that age by that time i had around 100k in savings and life was beautifel

      then one night me and a friend went drinking, he suggested we go to a local casino to drink and play a little roullete

      I was Blackout and really dont remeber much other then waking up in the casino with 5k in the roullete machine, i won around 4k that evening

      the next night ive gone back to that casino and won another 3k i couldent belive it, in the first week of my gambling i guess i made around 10k profit

      then came the losses…..

      2k-3k-5k-10k every night

      somehow i mannaged to stil have 15k in savings account, i was earning very well for my age

      After 15 years betting on and off this is my problem: i can go 3-4 months without gambling the relapse in one night of drinking

      I really want to kick this habbit , i suffer from depression to, and drinking and gambling only make it worse

      THIS IS DAY 1 For me im gonna login everyday to keep me motivated

      Thank you all and god bless you all

    • #50795
      Steev
      Participant

      Well done for going 3 or 4 months without gambling. I found it hard not to gamble every day … but we are all different. I guess if you are gambling occasionally, then it makes sense to look at what is causing you to go out drinking and then gambling and end these behaviours. If you have some money left could you afford to go for counselling to look into this? If not – you may be able to access free counselling depending in which country you are in. Other than that there may be support groups locally that could help.

      It would be easy to say – don’t drink and then you won’t gamble – but I know how difficult this is at times. Perhaps when you know you are going for a drink – only take the money you need to get by – no extra money means you will not be able to gamble. Keep cards etc at home. Try and bar yourself from the casinos – this is usually possible. I am sure others with follow with more suggestions. Keep strong and take care.

    • #50796
      Meghna83
      Participant

      Hi, Gosh really sounds like my story. Well at least the opening chapter. I also won around 10-15k in my first few weeks of gambling online and then lost it all and some. Paid off the 4K overdraft I had used and never looked back.

      Then recently, 7 years after my first episode of gambling, I started playing small amounts again. Won around 10k and surprise surprise end up losing around 19-20k. But collectively over the month from other sites, probably in the region on 25-26k

      All I can say is never again. You are on the right path by coming on this site and can kick the habit. Be strong and keep sharing your story.

      What comforts me is that I can speak openly with you all about my problem and losses. I can’t speak about it to my family or friends for fear of being judged and or rejected.

      I will say with confidence today that I finally realise that those big wins for us were actually losses. Big losses and that money will never come back. I don’t intend to chase them and find peace in the fact that I am healthy and have a beautiful family.

      Find the positives in your life and focus on those. Nurture them and be happy you are alive and well.

      Gambling will only lead to heartache, anguish and regret. That’s what I have realised. I will only be a loser if I depend on them filling any gaps in my Life

    • #50797
      velvet
      Modérateur

      Hello Radubarlad and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #50798
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Hy Steev and thx for messaging me

      I live in a small city in a small country in fact , there is no counseling here

      Even if its a pretty small city , its packed with casinos every corner

      I always Go out with little money and no cards , the problem is in the neighborhod that i live in there are at least 5 casinos and everytime i come home after drinking i wil take either my cards or some spare cash that i have at home

      then lose the money and we all know then hell begins chassing the losses

      i would like to attend a GA meeting but there are really none here

      I Guess my only chance is for someone else to watch over my fianences , this addiction really is the worst

      Thank You again and god bless us all

    • #50799
      radubarlad
      Participant

      In the end we will always lose

      i had big wins over this few months

      even 5k-10k a week…

      i will always say in my mind im gonna keep the money

      Then i start drinking one night go on an 2 days binge lose it all + 4-5k of my money

      THERE IS REALLY NO WAY WE CAN WIN AND THE MONEY IS LOST

      All i can do is forgive myself for being so stupid and thinking i can get my money back

      Its reallly hard because im 38 have no house no car but i did it to myself

      Oh well at least i have my health thats the most important thing

      Time for the gym and new hobbies

      God Bless us All

    • #50800
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Today i will not gamble
      I hope all you Pepole Have a nice Sunday
      Gonna hit the gym ,eat,sleep

    • #50801
      Meghna83
      Participant

      if you can find ways of kicking the drinking slowly and that perhaps will also stop the impulsive gambling

      for me, even if I don’t drink, my impulsiveness and general love of money led me to my current state. Luckily I’m licking my wounds and trying to read stories on this forum to forever block my mind from turning to online gambling for life.

      if my husband did it I think I’d have found it so hard to forgive him as I am such a saver. But the fact that I did it disgusts me to the core. I cannot recognise myself in this act. It’s like someone telling me I murdered some one. It feels that alien and horrific. 

      Please never waste another penny of yours on those phony sites. As you rightfully said…in fact the winning was actually losing. 38 is still young, you can rebuild and never look back.

      I’m 35 and I still want 2-3 more children. I cannot even allow gambling into the equation. Imagine juggling  children, with that nasty habit that consumes us all, looming over my head. NO WAY!!! I’d rather have peace, honesty, sleep instead of that fake sense of gain or ‘winning’.

      Focusing on my closest relationships, my husband, a future home for my family, hard work and hard earned money is what will nurture my soul and bring me closer to my goals In life.

      family matters to me above all and my honesty and care for them. The rest is secondary 

    • #50802
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      I’ve watched my family member battle with an opioid addiction and lose his friends to overdoses. The heartache and loss is mind numbing. I too an an addict but I am addicted to online slots . I can quietly lose everything I have and no one will be the wiser. Try living with someone who is an alcoholic and you will have a different opinion of your situation. It is hard but you can rise above it. You have the strength deep within you you just have to find what switches the light on in your soul to stop you from hurting yourself. You say God bless. Look to your faith for answers.

    • #50803
      radubarlad
      Participant

      I really dont know how this illness kicked in me, i really had i great life , money, friends,GF, i trully dont know what the hell i was thinking off,The only thing i can thing off is a self destructive path and a very depressive personality

      I really had it all and now im a mess…..

      This ilness is very very weird

      enough B**ching im gonna beat this addiction i know i can 

      God Bless us all 

    • #50804
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Thx for the replay… 

      Im an alcoholic as well as a compulsive gambler, for me its an addiction that goes hand in hand

      I say god bless us all because i really belive in god and im a very religious person

      Ive tried many solutions for my addictions and this is my really last chance

      i dont think i will survive another 2-3 years with this addiction

      Im not gonna feel pity for myself , i really had it all in my life

      It was my Fault and my stupidity

      I really wish you all the best and again God Bless Us all

    • #50805
      Meghna83
      Participant

      I also feel sometimes that I somehow wish to walk the path of self destruction. I had enough money to get by, why gamble? Why blow all that money away? I could have gone on holiday or bought a new car  or invested the money in  by husbands businesS

      Been feeling so low all evening and my husbands noticed the distance. I seem to be there but not there in mind.

      feeling low but don’t want to gamble. Just wish I could get that money back. Wish I could make it up to my family somehow.

      Radubarlad when you say had, do you mean you no longer have those ppl in your life? 

      Be strong, we have to be, it’s the only way we will mend. Time will heal us but only if we stay away from gambling. let us not throw ourselves back into the fake world of fast money making machines that in fact leave you at a loss. Be strong 

      Got so upset today as I received three parking fines of £300 in total. Then rememberEd I’d blown £1000’s GamblinG. But those fines somehow bugged me, felt like it was the parking company stealing from me this time and without my consent this time. I don’t want to lose a penny more now after the dent I’ve left in our bank balance.

      please god get me out of this depressive cloud. 

    • #50806
      radubarlad
      Participant

      When i said Had i mean i dont longer have that many pepole in my life that means something to me….
      unfortunatly Gambling Addiction leads to Isolating from Society, i no longer have friends, no longer have GF, only A sister i can talk too, and shes tired of my stupidity and i dont blame her
      Anyway i Know for sure im goona beat this addiction its hard but its douable for me its a metter of life or death i can no longer go with the pain and suffering of gambling this is the last strow

    • #50807
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      I think it is self defeating to call these problems we have as stupidity. We are human. We have chemical and physiological responses that we sometimes cannot control. The issue is finding the ways that we can control it and seeking them out. You need to find a way to rescue yourself from the alcohol before it physically kills you and the cg before it financially wipes you out. I meant to give you hope when I spoke of other addictions as people recover from those and live their lives in recovery happy and aware of their limitations. We can too and we must. We just cant gamble. I often watch shows of people that are morbidly obese and think « why cant thry just stop eating »? Same as us. Why cant we just stop? WE NEED TO STOP. I NEED TO STOP. YOU NEED TO STOP. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.  What more is there to say. Approach this like your life depends on it

    • #50808
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Im really facing this addiction with all of my heart and soul there is really no turning back now

      My life really depends on it i can no longer gamble i can no longer drink

      I fell my heart and my body will eventually stop fighting if i continue this way 

      God Bless Us all

    • #50809
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      The alcohol you will need help with. The physical manifestations when you try to quit will be hard and you are more likely to relapse. Is there no one that you can go to for the alcoholism?Perhaps while addressing this you will uncover more of why you gamble as well. Dont try to go it alone. So many people suffer from this and there are so many options out there for you. I will try to be here to hear your thoughts but I am not qualified to help you. Running girl was right about just not quitting. You have to do more. You have to replace the activity with something else and in the process make yourself a better person. Of those things you can be proud and I  pride you will find your strength. Find what you can do to make yourself proud of you and replace the self loathing with something  much more worthy.

    • #50810
      radubarlad
      Participant

      For youre kind words it really means a lot to mee

      I Really have no place to go to AA or GA , I really live in a very poor country theres no help that i can find

      I really will do my best to beat this addiction’s And replace them with something productive and healthy

      God Bless Us all

      Wish you all A peacefull and lovely day

    • #50811
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      Hope you stay strong and are well. Keep posting and continue with your journey.

    • #50812
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Hy everybody wish you all a great day and a great week
      Today i will not gamble, Today i will not Drink
      God bless us all
      This is day 3 of my new life

    • #50813
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      Just checking in. How is it going? Its the start of day 3 for me too. Here is to being each others check in

    • #50814
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Everything is going fine thanx for the msg , im at work at the moment , dont have urges to gamble or drink

      Im going to the gym after work , then ill go home eat watch a movie and sleep early

      What about you? i hope everything is ok,we have ti keep strong and pray

      God Bless us all

    • #50815
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      Have you checked the online avaialablity for aa? I looked up aa online and they do have help available for those who are not able to make meetings. Please check and see what’s available for you and utilize what’s at your disposal to help yourself out. 

    • #50816
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Thats a great idea, i really will look into it and find some sort of help online

      Thank you again for youre support, we are all gonna make it we just have to be strong and be positive

      I was such a positive person in the past it really sucks to have depression i really dont know when the hell did i change to this person i am today, i look into the mirror sometimes and i cant recognize who is that person

      God bless us all

    • #50817
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Had a rough day yesterday at work,tought about drinking and gambling had really strong urges:( but kept strong, i really dont cope well with stresfull situations, thinking about moving from this town theres a lot of tempteation where i live its packed with casinos and bars,I keep praying everyday for all of us,hope all of you keep strong.
      God bless us All

    • #50818
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      GREAT JOB! Every day that you dont gamble or drink will make it easier to break the cycle. You didn’t get into this mess all at once so it will take time to get out. Make a calendar with a weekly goal to start and cross off each day as you finish. Make it visible that you have done something as well as NOT done something. Everyday that I wake I know from the instant I open my eyes if I have done well the day before. If not, I don’t want to get up. I dont want to face the day. If I have, like today, then I am up and ready to face the day with life and hope. Dont always make this about what you’re not doing but make this about what you have done – treated yourself with love and respect and stopped the cycle for one more day. Keep strong and we wait to hear about your new day.

    • #50819
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Thank you again for youre time writing on my thread it really means a lot to me,today and yesterday was the hardest days i had in my workplace i guess the only way for me is to find a new job,,youre absolutly right about treating myself with love and respect i never do that and i dont know exactly why i have a self hate thing… im constantly thinking of the past and the damage ive done, I really have to let go and not think about my past but its really verry hard
      Thats one of my big questions , when did i get this depressive personality i really dont know , how did i get so low in mylife its really weird…..
      Hope you are doing well , keep praying for you and everybody
      God Bless us all

    • #50820
      Gbabyh
      Participant

      You’re doing well. You have decided that enough is enough. In the end, it’s all about the choices we make, although our addiction will make it hard to make the right choice. That’s why I believe that keeping our focus on one day at a time is working for us addicts. Just for today, I will not give in to any urges that lead me to gamble. Just for today, I will let go of my past, etc. you get the idea 🙂

      I wish you the best, Radubarlad!

      – Chris

    • #50821
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Youre so right its all about choices, life is hard enough gambling made my life a living hell and turned me into something i never tought i will become, Right now im focussing on other things in my life and trying not even to think about the past whats done is done and we cannot change the damage weve done , the only thing is to learn from our mistakes keep pushing forward and work hard for our goals in life

      Wish you all the best and God bless us all

      Thank you for youre time

    • #50822
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Had a rough day at work today i dont understand some pepole how can they look in the mirror being so evil and cruel , after such a day usually i would go and get myself 6-8 beers then go to the casino and punish myself but thats not the case today
      got me some pizza and gonna binge watch seinfeld and married with children till i fall asleep, hope all of you guys and gals are doing ok , wish you the best
      God bless Us all

    • #50823
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      Just joking!!! Hope you fall asleep content and wake up happy knowing you beat back the animals one more day. Dont let others make you feel like drinking because when you do you feel worse which makes you feel lower than they are. Hold upud head high and kniwxthsg you are better this one day and try to be better every day. Hang in there

    • #50824
      radubarlad
      Participant

      And thank you again for being here for me i’m really greatfull to have friends on this forum i dont know why but it feels good getting messages here, i guess it’s because i dont have real good friends in my life that i cand talk too , the only friends i had dissapointed me and asked for money never to speak to mee again after i loaned them , well enough pitying:)
      I hope you are well and Gamble Free , wish you all The best in the world:)

    • #50825
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      Take care and good evening(I hope). Are you feeling any better?

    • #50826
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      Is all ok?

    • #50827
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      Hey! Hope you didn’t  have to hard a time these last two days. Friday night can be a hard one to avoid drinking. Keep us up to date on your progress.

       

    • #50828
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Sorry i havent posted anymore i was very busy this weekend 

      All is going well for me i dident drink or gamble for 10days now

      had reallly strong urges last night but managed to stay home and watch movies

      Hope you are doing well, wish you all the best

      God bless us All

    • #50829
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Im really feeling down right now and having very bad urges to go out and drink and gamble
      Hope i can make it tourgh this day wish you all the best
      God Bless Us all

    • #50830
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      Was worried that you had given in to temptation. Know that even if you fail you can still try again. I’ve been 5 days now and will keep trying. Hope you find the love in yourself to say no to your urges

    • #50831
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Really i have no words for what ive done, i fell im one of the sickest person i know
      Went to the casinio dranked 4 beers and gambled 2000e
      I really dont understant what the f*** was i thinking
      im really at my lowest right now

    • #50833
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      If you read on you will read that most of us have relapsed more than once. We all try. It’s not logical to think that you can give up years of behavior in one try. If you went 7 days without drinking then that is 7 days you didn’t drink! I have relapsed many times but if I go 7 days without gambling that is 7 days that I didn’t. Then I try for 10. Soon it will get easier and each time I fail I hope that I gain a little more resolve not to do it again. Sleep it off and try to replan the next week so that it does not happen again.

    • #50834
      Berta24449787
      Participant

      How are you doing? Hope that you are back on track

    • #50835
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Im really a F***king moron
      I went one night to the casino and hit a major win… celebrated with booze of course
      That was really the start of a new nightmare for me
      Gave all the money back of course like an idiot that i am+ almost all my savings
      The only thing i can do now is look for a rehab place somewhere for my alcohol and gambling addiction
      Unfortunatly i know now that i cannot beat this on my own:(

    • #50836
      Meghna83
      Participant

      I reread you origina message and you wrote 

      “ THIS IS DAY 1 For me im gonna login everyday to keep me motivated“

      how are things for you Now since you realised you need extra support?

    • #50837
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Thank you for messaging me, for me its day 8 no alcohool and no gambling,My mind is really not well unfortunatlly
      For me the big problem is alcohool, ive never gambled when i was sober, nobody in my family drinks nor gamble
      i really dont understand how i have such an addictive personality its beyond me
      anyway my depression is really a big problem for me and when it tackles me hard it breaks me
      Im gonna keep writing every few days here and hope it will help, in fact im sure it will help
      wish you all the best
      God help us all

    • #68619
      radubarlad
      Participant

      Havent posted over 1 year
      nlitteraly destroyed my life and all around me
      nim hopeless broke and dont see any way out

    • #68632
      Steev
      Participant

      In the beginning when I suggested GA (and others suggested AA) you said you couldn’t do this because you were from a small town in a small country without this support.
      n
      nNow it is 2020 and there is a virus and GA (and I am sure AA as well) have gone on-line with their meetings – so support is available from wherever you are. Please take advantage of this and go to a meeting. You don’t have to say anything (although it would be better if you could tell your story so that advice could be tailored to your needs) just listen and hopefully learn. The link is here for GA – https://gamblersinrecovery.com I wish you well.

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