[gibbo52]

Okay so I’m completely new to forums and this approach.
I’m 27 yrs old and have been gambling for 9 years.
It all started when my dad got me into high level Athletics, peaked me, and then had an affair with a woman over my mum. He left as he couldn’t deal with my mums developing Bi-Polar.

When he left (just as I was going to university), I chose to resent him and anything that would be associated with him. Friends at uni asked me if I would like to go to the casino with them. I needed to fill my Athletics void so socialising this way felt it couldn’t come to any harm.
Once I stepped through that door, the lights and sense of Euphoria replaced any high I received through my Athletics career (bare in mind I finished 3rd in the English schools (kids Olympics) over the 800 metre discipline).
I started to watch poker and blackjack classes on the internet.
For the next 6 years, I was fixated in keeping this routine in place. If I felt low, bored, lonely or under achieving, I would go to the casino.
My first big wake up call came last December (2013) where I went to the casino with £30 plus £10 overdraft available. I say available but really it wasn’t as it was my weeks food and fuel. I drew it all out and was down to my last £7.00. Long story short, I went from this and walked out the casino with £6600 cash. I was amazed and was the most amount of money I have ever has to my name.
Due to the shock and personal stupidity, I left and went straight to the bookmakers, I thought ‘I’m gonna stick £500 on 1 evening football game and for it to draw’. The odds were good and would bring me back over £2000. I lost this game but £500 was nothing to me at the time, I was buzzing that I had £6000.
I was in the process of ‘hoping’ to save money to leave my in laws house as I lost my job in Nottingham and thought a change towards Bournemouth would help.
Any how, over 10 days this is what I did with the money:
December 5th – £6600
Dec 5th – Dec 15th – £4800 back into the casino/bookmaker
Dec 18th – Deposit for private rented flat – £1200
Dec 6th – £200 for a London hotel for myself and my gf
Dec 11th – £200 to in-laws for rent
Dec 5th – Dec 15th – £200 on takeaways/eating out

What broke my heart the most was knowing all of that, and that during xmas, I didn’t have a penny. I played the sympathy card and sat there on xmas day with my family giving me presents and me returning them bitterness pointing blame to my place of work as they didn’t pay me that much (which was a lie).

So between then and last week, I have banned myself from 7 different accessible casinos. Found a loophole to access a casino in Bournemouth. Got money from £80 to £1400 and blew it all back into the casino due to be greedy and chasing. After losing it, I immediately banned myself from that casino also.

Now, I’m sitting here, £10 cash to my name for the next 21 days because ive just blown £250 in the bookies machines trying to hit £10 on a straight up number and missing each time.

Possible options: Go to money shop (as I cant access others due to being in debt with them also) and ask for the maximum they can give me. That way my auto impulses will put money aside and gamble with the rest so I can pay the lenders back the money plus interest.

I am currently receiving counselling from Gam Care and I have been there for 3 sessions and the worker really has come to a dead end with me. She stated about focusing on the triangle strategy and by taking one of them out, the other 2 could not function. I certainly cant take access out as the amount of bookmakers to self exclude yourself from and embarrass yourself is endless. Therefore, the only one I could have used was take the money away. My gf will not aid me with this as she isn’t my mother and will tarnish whatevers left of our relationship. Family are not supportive and they influence me to enjoy myself.

I have recently approached an hypnotherapist and am due for a consultation on Monday. I have also applied for a residential place with Gordon Moody and have accepted me but am on a waiting list. Problem with this is that as a manager of a small business, I don’t know what rights or support I have to taking a chunk of time off.

I do really want to overcome this but seriously have no idea how. My gf has lived away the past 2 years due to teaching placements and am looking to see her 4 times in a year. I sit each night on my own watching Freeview TV and feeling sorry for myself. The only thing really that enlightens my mood is a distraction with a trip to the bookies to play on the machine and hit that big number.

Apart from my running when I was younger, my family and gf, I seriously have nothing to show for my life. No super trips to USA, no items that are worth good value.

Please, can someone come and speak to me and inform me that things will get better. No one in my life gets this evilness and I’m always on my own hiding this dark secret.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read this.

Thank you,

Martyn

[velvet]

<

Hello Martyn and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Anonyme]

Hi Gibbo, good for you for coming here mate, you obviously do need some help. As with any addiction gambling can destroy you and your family if you let it. The good news is you can learn to live life without it.

I am a compulsive gambler (CG), I havn’t gambled in any way shape or form for quite a few months, and I live a contented life without getting any gambling urges whatsoever.
You might think “so what?” Well I too was addicted to casinos in my late teens, (roulette, blackjack and poker), and the bookies I also had stupendous wins…the stupendous wins went straight back..and didn’t do me any good I went to prison several times in my early twenties because I committed crimes to feed my gambling. Then although I still gambled and frequently committed crimes I never got into trouble with the police for 17 years, until I got hooked on those bloody machines, then crash bang wallop 18months for stealing £17000 and spending it over 5 days in a casino. So I can empathise with you a great deal.

It sounds like we both got hooked in our teens, many CG;s started gambling in their teens. Many of us also won big that first time. But remember this; that same night you went to the casino many others throughout the world were experiencing their first gambling experience, the vast majority would have lost their £40. You lost yours. You didn’t lose £4800 the next day you just gave it back. At that age, as mature and “grown up” as we think we are, our emotions are still developing. The situation with your dad and the athletics is causing you stress, then all of a sudden you’re taken away from this when you go to the casino. You are not unique in your situation.

Since 2010 I’ve had some long periods without any sort of gambling, but stupidly continued going back after 5 or 6 months. I think I’ve got my finger on the pulse now though. Its annoying because I know that it doesn’t have to be hard to give up gambling. It is only hard because we make it hard for ourselves. But for a compulsive gambler, gambling will not solve problems only create them.

If you’re getting counselling but consider a money shop loan to gamble with, it can’t be helping too well. Have you thought about a different counsellor? And be entirely honest with yourself, do you really honestly want to quit, or do you hope that you’ll be able to gamble sensibly in the future? You do need to be very honest with yourself and if you genuinely want to quit I would highly recommend you take your place at Gordon Moody. They can really help you to change the way you see things, it will help you if you let it.

Nobody needs to gamble, and if you can get through one day without it there’s no reason you can’t get through the next.

All the best.

Geordie.

[Auteur]

Messages