I was just following direction. My mentor has encourages me to seek the truth and show me the way.
I was advise to return to work in an industry that I was avoiding. I avoided this job because I was worried and concern that the work and the people on this job will trigger me back to gambling and alcohol use.
3 months has passed since I actually started work on this new job. My mentor was right again. When I let go of self completely and let God fight the battle for me. I experiences a power greater than my myself at work. It was beyond my expectation to become one of the top salesperson almost immediately. All the victory and glory goes to God.
When I return to a familiar old job, my old habit returns, the craving for alcohol on a Friday and gambling over the weekend was there in the first 2 week and in the first month of selling but when I continue to do the same old familiar job in a different ways, slowly a new lifestyle and habit is forming, one without a need for relief from alcohol and gambling.
There was a turning point and breakthrough, I was doing well at work in the first two week of selling, but I was shocked as my satisfaction and happiness was short lived, and turn into fear, anxiety and worry, I was so worried and anxious that I could not repeat the same good results in the following weeks. It was at this point that I notice I was on the driver seat. I had taken over the steering wheel and controlling everything.
I remember and decided to handover my will and life over to the care of God again and life at work begin to change.
My attitude change, I was willing to accept any result good or bad that God give me, I do not try to change things. When the harvest was bad, I do not press the panic button, I remain hopeful. I stayed calm, positive, focus and hardworking, I trust God. The familiar anxiety, fear and worry from the job disappear.
I have not seen my mentor to share and update him the victory that has taken place in the last 3 months.
My mentor has ask me to seek personal growth by returning to face the work I was avoiding. He wanted me to learn from David vs Goliath.
All praise to God. The management team like the worker they see in the « new » me. They say that they would like to hire more mature people like me but they didn’t know I was a recovering addict.
The reality was all the challenges that I still face in recovery now. I still have many problems; weakness, blind spots, slip and fall.
If I cannot accept any result that God give me in recovery and if I try to take control every time and change thing when the going was tough, difficult, stressful and painful, I will continue to relapse because there always be bad days in recovery.
Right now I just have to accept my struggles and imperfection in recovery.
I must pick myself up every time I fall and moves on with life and recovery.
