Oh and I remember Vera, Kathy, Betty, chareles, Harry.. Glad to see you are all still here. WTH am I still weak. Lord give me the strength to fight this and for once in my life get it right!

Wow Jen time really does fly especially if we’re stuck in the casino with our heads up our butt.
sorry you’re having issues with glad to see u back.
Bettie

Yep. It was a few years ago. What is so sad is that two years ago was when I came back from years before that. 25 years of digging holes and digging out and ….. In and out, in and out, in and out. I get it! I am a compulsive gamblor and I need help. So why do I fall down, get back up and fall down again? I don’t even like to hear myself talk because the same story keeps comming out followed by failure. When you start to dislike and not trust yourself, well it’s not a good feeling . I have the most amazing son, an amazing guy, We just bought a house together(it’s the perfect house for us) Hell I even have an awesome bull dog. So why do I do this to myself which somehow they all have to pay for my actions which the thought of makes me nauseous. How can I be so shellfish??? I know it’s only a mAtter of time before I have no fight left me. Lord please give me the strength!!! Let me live and enjoy my « good life »

Yep. It was a few years ago. What is so sad is that two years ago was when I came back from years before that. 25 years of digging holes and digging out and ….. In and out, in and out, in and out. I get it! I am a compulsive gamblor and I need help. So why do I fall down, get back up and fall down again? I don’t even like to hear myself talk because the same story keeps comming out followed by failure. When you start to dislike and not trust yourself, well it’s not a good feeling . I have the most amazing son, an amazing guy, We just bought a house together(it’s the perfect house for us) Hell I even have an awesome bull dog. So why do I do this to myself which somehow they all have to pay for my actions which the thought of makes me nauseous. How can I be so shellfish??? I know it’s only a mAtter of time before I have no fight left me. Lord please give me the strength!!! Let me live and enjoy my « good life »

Vera, my son is only 8 but he would do a better job managing my money than me. lol. I am banned from casino and have no credit cards. i am going to give my debit card to my boyfriend. Feeling bound and determined! I make it a month or two gf and than right as life is going good I think « I can just go for a little and controll it » really ??? Than I go loose my butt, even when i win , I still loose in the end…. I come home I cry, I shuffle finances around I say « I am done » than a month or two goes by and I repeat the cycle. I am so sick of the struggel in my head. You can gamble, no look at your past, wait win a little back than quit……. Really none of that has worked this far. I have to stay on track. I can’t let my guard down. I just can’t! If not for me, I owe it to my faimly. I hate this struggel! Why are we different?

Hi Jen. I ask myself all the time why us? But it’s the way we are and we can overcome this. I get great hope from the people on here who have done it. They are clean. They go on holiday because they saved a little all year, rather than missing out in the hope of winning a jackpot that will be just gambled again. Today Jen is day 1 for me again!!! I know how hard it is but Vera is right. You have to find a way to make sure that the cycle is not repeated.. Whatever that is. Identify what allows you to go and gamble. Is having cash, a card, walking past the casino etc.? identify it and eliminate it. Coming back here to get the support is a great step in the right direction! You will conquer this!!!

Thank you Sad. I read your thread. We are a lot a like. We can do this!!! The alternative sucks!!!

WE WILL DO THIS, WE ARE DOING THIS!!!!!

So irritable today. Just got paid. I want to go gamble so bad. My thoughts « I can play a little » I can win a little » « what if I loose than how can I replace the money » I could use a few hundred » no I can’t » I am due to win » I will win than stop ». » No just don’t do it! » Ugggh I hate this way of thinking! God give me the strength to just say no! Not today.

I feel like such a failure! Yep ! I did it again! When will I get it through my head that I am a compulsive gamblor and have no buisness gambling! None! Why do I have to take everyone with me???? I have such a good man. I suffer. He suffers! I hate this! I hate it!!!! God please take it away!!!! Please!!!!!!

Hi Jen,

God won’t take it away but he has given you the tools to use yourself.

Learn from what’s happened now and in the past – what would have stopped you today? What things can you put in place BEFORE next payday?

You have a good man? Great, how about letting him hold the finances and make you fully accountable for money?

Your addiction won’t want you to do that – do the thigns that will annoy your addiction!

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

After my Usaul… Feeling depressed all day yesterday. I was over tired after two hours of sleep. I wanted to die! My head was spinning, spendt the day shuffling funds around so I would not bounce checks, hardly worked. I have been there time and time again. I could of paid down debt and had spending money. Instead I created more debt. I am banned from casino but still snuck in after many months. I won’t let this disease cause havoc on my life any more. I know I won’t want to gamble for awhile but it won’t be long and I will face temptation. I have decided to give control of my money to my other half. And tell freinds not to cash checks for me no matter what. I am going to be very active on this site and spend a lot of time working on improving my life. I can’t change the past. God only knows how much I wish I could. I can however change my now. Today I refuse to gamble for anything.

Well done on coming back.. keep trying. i Have been here around five years and i have relapsed so many times that i cant even count.. time up, fall down, and on and on. I can relate to the insanity and wondering why i cant stop. For me it had to get bad for me. So bad i was nearly insane or was insane. I understand the awful relapsing cycle. Its horrendous. Im trying to get out of it too. Im using GA in a big way, going to lots of meeting. How about you, do you have a GA you could go to? They are all there for the same reason and it really is helpful. Keep hanging in there, however many attempts it takes. Its an amazingly powerful addiction. I guess what helps me at the moment though i am still partly bonkers is that i do the day at a time thing, every day is different, break it down for just this day i wont gamble.. or for the next hour or two. I try to distract myself when urges come not sit and think on them or they expand and before you know it there you are in a casino in front of a machine. As soon as i get the urge, i start doing something else getting busy and having a plan for the day is also a huge thing to help.. just things that help me. i hope you can get through each day. Keep posting, keep coming back. Look for GA if you can.

P

Hi Jen. Just saying Hello and that I’m glad you are posting and sharing your struggles and failures. It will help you perhaps to be ‘accountable’ and also encourage others to pick themselves up and take a different course of action after a ‘fall’, in order to protect themselves, their finances and their relationships.
Keep posting and hold on to your determination to get back to being gamble free and staying that way.

Best wishes,

Monique

Hi Jen, Keep trying!! Gambling destroys everything good in our lives. You are putting up barriers with your money to prevent further gambling. You are doing the right things. Stay strong. We can only live for now. Take care.

Thanks P, Monique and Liz! You guys are great! If it wasn’t for you all, I would think I was completely insane and by myself. By reading everyone’s posts and comments I know that is m not alone and this can happen to the most intelligent people. I wish the best to all of us. God help us all. Lets do this.