I’ve realized that I can’t stop gambling on my own. I need help from other people. I’ve been gambling for over 6 years. Recently, I’ve tried several times to stop, but I can’t. Every time I gamble, I say to myself, "Never Again" but the next time I have the urge, I still go. I seem to forget how bad I felt the last time. I tell myself that I will only spend x amount of dollars and there’s the chance that if I go I can win back what I lost the last time. At this point though, even when I win, I lose it right back so It doesn’t make a difference. I’ve noticed that I even have a physical reaction when I have the urge.
I don’t know how I’ve let it get this bad. I’m 32 with a Bachelors and Masters degree. I did it all while being a single mother and am used to adversity and overcoming things. If I can do all that, why can’t I do this?? I have a Fiance, who I love dearly, and I can’t tell him what I’ve done. I’m in charge of our finances and he has no idea. I know he would leave if he knew. I told him about this problem before and he was supportive but I know that this time he might not be so supportive.
I feel ashamed and embarrassed of all of the things I’ve done because of my addiction. I took money from family members, ruined my credit, and ruined previous relationships. Worst of all , I was not able to provide and give my daughter things, put her in activities and reward her for being a straight A student and all around wonderful, happy child. For this I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself.
I am an ADDICT. I want to change. I want to be a better person for myself, my child and my Fiance. I am here for help. I want to find ways to cope with the urges so I never go back. I know this will be a life-long struggle but I want a better life.