[kathryn]

Kin,
While you are a work in progress don’t forget to appreciate the progress you’ve made! You have never wavered with your journaling and your honesty. Your way of writing it very thought provoking and you are living proof of never giving up.
Your way are right about forgetting. It’s easy to do. I was always checking in on GT until I wasn’t. It wasn’t because I thought I had beat this…I know what I am and accepted that a long time ago. I guess my mind , which had been full to the brim with gambling thoughts had started to fill with other, ‘normal’ thoughts and eventually they took over. I don’t feel like I have relapsed as such, in terms of money it was a mere few bucks, but I opened the door to gambling thoughts and realised if I didn’t do something about it my mind would slowly fill up with them again, and I know if I went back I wouldn’t survive this time. The blocker was what I needed. The ‘choice’ to gamble has been removed. My means was gone, and I can move forward without fear. Coming back here is my therapy, it is all I’ve ever needed, which is why the app was never removed from my phone, never far away. It feels good to post again, and remind myself of how far I have come, we have been walking this road for 16 years Kin and a lot has changed. You have always been there for me and I am grateful for you and your support over the years.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Thank you Kin for thinking of me.
Well a lovely 4 day weekend has started. Work has been crazy and I’m glad to be having some time to get things done around the house but also a time to relax (I hope)
It’s interesting, Easter time was usually busy for me with the kids, but this year my daughter has gone away, my middle son is working every day and my youngest son is with his girlfriend!
I miss having little kids, the excitement of Easter bunny or Santa, the early morning squeals when they realise they have been left
something….then waking us up to go see!
I missed a lot when I was gambling, i didn’t hear them. Of course I didn’t know this until I had finally asked for help. The realisation of it was quite devastating. My daughter was the most affected. We have had many conversations over the last 16 years, first apologies and attempted explanations, trying to describe how I felt, that it wasn’t her fault, that is wasn’t her! Now when things are brought up, which isn’t too often anymore she says it’s ok mum. She is truly an amazing woman, one of the kindest people I know. Thoughtful with others always, and grateful for her wonderful life, she knows just how fortunate she is, she has a hard working husband and they have built a flourishing business and a beautiful family together. She is everything I hoped she would be and more. I couldn’t be prouder! My middle son was married last year…bizarre when I think he was 10 when I found GT and now he is off with his gorgeous wife. They are so in love and starting out. Working hard and saving for their first home. And my baby boy is about to turn 21…this kid is finding his feet, he didn’t cope well in covid, kind of shut down so we are working on his confidence and making some decisions for his future. He currently works with his dad and I’m not sure he likes it that much but he gets up
And goes so that’s something. He’s quiet, I worry sometimes as he isn’t a big sharer with anything really but he has good friends and a lovely girlfriend who makes him laugh.
So I guess theyre all off doing their own thing now. I have a few busy weekends coming up so I’m grateful for this time to get things in order. Boring as it may be it’s nice when the housework is done and I can sit with a cuppa and relax. I am however going to see ZZ top next weekend, I’m sure many of you here won’t know who they are but it was the first big concert I went to when I was 15 and it’s their 40 year anniversary! It’s going to be a blast! Having a sleepover at my brothers too who I don’t see very often so even better! There’s 6 of us staying there it should be a fun night.
Well enough blabbering….i hope you all have a safe and happy Easter, boring isn’t so
bad you know, I don’t miss that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach one little bit.
Take care, love K xx

[kathryn]

Hey ax,
Well done on your gamble free time.
The money situation will settle, it took us a long time to get here and it takes a while to sort that out! But you will!
You have youth on your side. I started gambling in my mid 20’s. By the time I finally did something about my addiction i had lost our home and had a huge tax bill, it was a nightmare of my own doing. I can’t say that we ever bought another house, and the way the market is where I live we never will, it is truly one of my biggest financial regrets. I can’t change that. I don’t dwell on it either, I have a pretty good life but it took me years to dig us out of the hole. I had good support here and with my family and friends. I didn’t put myself into any gambling situation. I gave all our financial control to my husband and it’s worked for me.
I hope you’re enjoying that sunshine, isn’t it lovely when your mind isn’t full of ways, means and opportunities to gamble, that is living!!! Sometimes it is the smallest thing that gives us the most joy!
Love K x

[kathryn]

Hello iamhere and thank you for your post!
Seems to me you are doing pretty well yourself! You should be proud of just how far you have cone, getting to the point of finally looking/asking for help us no mean feat, I can read in your posts just how hard you have worked,
While spring is heading your way we are just about to leave what has been a beautiful summer! Hot hot hot! Hottest in a while! Even today it was 30c which is not the usual at all.
I did notice the forum wasn’t so busy…when I first found GT it was a bustling hive of activity and I feel totally spoilt for having such a massive group of people to share with.
I even monitored some groups after the first couple of years, in saying that I am on the other side of the world so times were a bit backwards, and most people were are in bed when I was up! It was that support that got me through, I took every single bit of advice and used it. I guess there are a lot more gambling help websites now too.
I’m so glad you’re doing well and are present in your families life, it’s a damn good one if we do the work, keep ourself safe and our barriers up. Thank you again, I look forward to reading more from you!
Love K xx
PS- very excited to see we can use emojis now!!! 😊😍🇦🇺👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[kathryn]

Hiya Mav,
Whenever I find myself on this site I always seek you out! I’m still trying to navigate it, so not sure when you last logged on,it’s been a couple of years for me, but as always, I wanted to say Gday, howya doing?
I always thought you had the coolest name on here and I picture Tom Cruise in his jet every time!
I hope you are travelling well, gamble free and happy.
I’m doing ok, just needed to take some much needed me time, , way too long between posts my friend!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hello old friend,
I am so happy to see your words of wisdom still flowing throughout this site.
I hope you are well, your commitment to your recovery is nothing short of extraordinary Kin, you are like a warm comforting blanket and seeing your name out a smile on my face.
You are a blessing, I hope you know that. I’ve missed GT, life has been very busy for the most part, work and kids and grand babies, friends and lots of good times. I refuse to slip back, life is too short. So here I am, back for some self care, some clarity and to remind myself where I never want to be again . It feels good.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hi Mav,
I’ve always been drawn to your thread, I’m sure it’s the top gun name (yes I love that movie)but friend, how are you? How’s your health? You have been through hell and I hope you are on your way to a better life.
Just keep swimming….there’s life to be lived. And every day is a new beginning!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hi Lizbeth,
So happy to read your filling your time with beautiful things! We don’t see them when we are gambling! Every day I look out my window to see the sky. Every day I am amazed how beautiful it can be! Keep enjoying every day!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Oh Hambone, I remember you!
What a wonderful story, congratulations on your gamble free time! It still blows my mind when I think about this addiction, what it did to me, my family, my life. 13 years on and life is wonderful. Not perfect! But my God, I’m living! And so are you!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Oh Velvet, thank you so much. This bull at a gate needed reeling in a little but I’m sure you can understand my panic that my boy was going to end up like me!
I agree,he needs to find something to fill his time. He used to volunteer for the Salvation Army, he did it for years, spending his Friday nights helping the homeless, until his job took over and he was unable to continue. He loved it, really loved it! I’m not sure if there’s any day help he could do but I’m sure we can find out. He also has been lifting weights, maybe a little gym membership, he could also make some new friends? He has never been overly social, even as a little boy he wouldn’t have a ‘sleepover’, the best we could get was a ‘tea over’ and that was with mum who loved to dote on him as all her grandchildren.
I’m looking forward to talking with him tomorrow, he wants to stop, he told me that much. I won’t push him, small steps, I know.
He has written down what he pays per month and tomorrow we can discuss how it’s all going to work.
I’m sad that he’s going through this, but happy that he told me and felt he could reach out. I’ve told Dames, he agrees that boredom is a massive contributor, his isolation and covid lockdowns (out of the whole world my state had the most….almost 2 years in total!)
His girlfriend lives 1.5hrs away but they do see each other at least once a week.(mostly) She is From India, and has give him some wonderful new experiences that he would never had done without her, not to mention she is a cracking girl and we love her!
He has also told her about his addiction, and I know first hand just how difficult that is to do so massive kudos to him for that.
Velvet thank you for your always wise words, i knew you would answer because I have known you for so long, and I was thrilled to get your response.
As with my journal and all my conversations with Dunc and others who posted to me ,I will take all your advice. I’ve already read your post several times and will continue to do so. I will keep an eye out for and F & F group I can join, and I hope to chat soon.
Much love, K

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by kathryn.

[kathryn]

My son confessed to me last night he has a gambling problem. He gambles on sports, online. To say I feel guilt is an understatement. Did I pass this terrible disease onto him? Who knows. What I do know is that I am able to help him. He came over tonight, he lives at home but has been house sitting the past 3 weeks and while the amount isn’t huge in my terms, it is for him. It’s affecting his life. He is broke. He has zero expenses really bar a tiny board payment I charge to pay his phone bill. I think him being on his own, bored, working nights etc has started it. Something to do that has become a big problem. We are going to do blocking software and open a new bank account to which the majority of his money will go apart from daily expenses. I’m proud that he came to me, he knows my story. He has also told his girlfriend which will be helpful also. It makes me sad though that he is dealing with this at such a young age.
He is 23.
I am still gamble free, 13 years now and living my life. It’s far from perfect but it’s mine and I am present in it. Money is now something I’m happy to have but not too worried if I don’t if that makes sense. I no longer need it to get my fix. It pays my bills and feeds me and gives me a few little holidays a year and that’s how I like it!
I’ve learnt to accept the things I won’t ever have and enjoy the things I do.
I may be looking for a new job soon as my boss has announced he is retiring, nothing concrete in terms of a timeline but I think a change of career might be good. I’m not sure I’ll ever get a job nursing as good as the one I’ve got, so I’m looking at options that will suit my financial needs and my lifestyle. I’m trying to think of it as an exciting new beginning. Trying!!!!
Anyway I wanted to update, a lot of new names here now, and if you’re reading this take the advice, it really does work.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

I need to post but I’m looking after grandies so I’m bringing my thread to the top so it’s easy to find and I will return.
Kathryn x

[kathryn]

Hiya Mav,

You got this friend, I can hear the determination in your words.

I’m not going to give you any advice, you know it Mav, we have lived it, but I am throwing all my support your way.

I’m living proof, 12 years, it can be done and you deserve it all.

Time to live, gambling has no place in our lives, it’s your time now. You and your beautiful family.

Just for today. That’s all you need to do right now, the rest will happen in time.

Cheers from Oz!
Love, K xxxx

[kathryn]

Wow, 6 months, I can’t quite believe it’s been that long.
We are currently in lockdown #7 and it looks like things aren’t going to change for quite some time.
In saying that, we are both still able to work which is a blessing.

I’m doing well. No gambling. It’s now been 12 years. My god, typing that blows me away.
I have a new grand baby, Nash, he’s 10 weeks old. I’m blessed I get to see the kids regularly, and he is an absolute cracker! Such a good baby. Brea is doing amazing as a mum and it’s one of my greatest achievements, raising this brilliant girl through my addiction. Her daughter is as strong willed as she is and I love it! She gives her hell! Lol!!!

The boys are good, Bailey has had some issues with his mental health which we are dealing with, Harry is not working due to COVID, but is such a cruisey kid, he rolls with the punches. My little joy.

Home life for me is good, we have an old caravan we are doing up which keeps us occupied. It’s good to have a project, especially at the moment. We have planned for trips, but just have to see how things pan out.

I don’t think about gambling very much anymore, but when I post it reminds me of who I was and who I never want to be again.

We are coming into spring, and it’s lovely to see the days get longer and the sun trying to say hello. I need some warmth, it’s been a long winter.

Well. Must go, things to do today ( I have the day off)

Stay strong, stay safe, and take care

Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hi Lizbeth,
You’ve been stressed, that was clear from your previous posts, and your addiction played on it.
Don’t let this set you back, keep moving forward, its done.
Maybe think about what you could have done differently, and how you can better protect yourself, just in case!
It’s a blip, a slip, a moment of bad judgement.
It’s a daily battle. It got the best of you. You have had so many days that it hasn’t, remember those. You can do this!
Love K xxxx

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