[hector83]

Somewhere below you, there’s people who loves you..
and they’re ready for you to come home.. please come home..
I love this song by Sarah McLachlan. I listened to it everyday when my sister was facing her rough time.. and now that I have my own, it came back to my mind and i started listening to it again..
Hi all, my name’s Hector. I have been a gambler for about 8 months. I’m 28, have a loving family and a girlfriend a year younger than me who stays 300 miles away. We’ve been together for 2 years and although we’ve always been far apart, we visit each other every month and communicate everyday via phone or chat. I love her so much and we have big plans for our future. But all these are almost destroyed by this big mess.
It all started when i followed my sister to a casino one day. i wasn’t really into gambling but i put some money inside the slot machine because i was bored looking at her play. to my surprise i won $200 after a few clicks. i was surprised and shocked of how easy i could make money playing this! i went home thinking how i could get rich gambling.
after that day, i felt the urge to go back to the casino again but i was afraid to go alone and kept asking my sister when are we gonna go again. she wasn’t always free so i started to do some searching online and found out about online casino. Wow! how technology have eased everything in life. without a doubt i registered for an account in one of the online casino and started playing $100. i lost. but ‘nevermind, it will come back’ i thought. so i put another $100. and another. and another $300. and another. i kept losing all those money. i would win some and then i’d lose it all again. before i realize it, my credit card bill has amounted to $10,000. i was scared out of my guts thinking what i’ve done. i closed all the accounts and uninstall these casino softwares from my pc.
after a few days, the feeling that i need to get back all these money came to me. i was thinking ‘why am i so scared to go to the casino. i could win back all my money! i brave dmyself and went to the casino alone without my sister knowing. i started bringing $500 at a time and almost everyday i’ll somehow find myself there hitting the slots or betting on roulettes. i’ve always won but i lost it all back. so i withdrew more and more money from my bank account. until one day, i realized that i’ve used up the $10000 that my girlfriend has put in my bank account (for emergency use).
i was ****less scared, i couldn’t believe i’ve gone that far.i started crying to myself. at this point, i’ve lost all my savings of about $15000 including my girlfriend’s money and racked up a $10000 credit card debt. i applied for a personal loan of $10000 to pay up all my credit cards. but before i realize it, i gambled it all away again.
i am now broke, i couldn’t even pay up all the bills this month. my financial is in trouble. i calculated all the things i need to pay when i get my salary end of this month, and i could barely have some left for food. my sister knew that i have been gambling but she thought i have only lost some little money. my biggest dilemma is my girlfriend. she told me that i seemed kinda different these days but i told her i was only stressed over work. i have not been paying her a visit or bought her a thing for a while. i give excuses why i couldn’t talk to her some nights because i was out with friends while i was actually out gambling. it’s gonna be valentine’s soon and there’s nothing i can do for her! she’s coming over end of the month and i’m depressed thinking that i couldn’t even bring her out somewhere nice. because of all the debts that i have to pay, i could never give her anything nice anymore in future. forget about all the trips oversea. i wonder if i could even buy her a cake on her birthday. i’m sad, and disappointed of what has happened to me. i feel guilty of hiding all this from her. i feel like she deserved to know why i have been distant lately but i am so scared of how she’s gonna look at me after that. she has been trusting me, and i’ve betrayed her trust. will she even still look at me? or maybe i am too naive. she could just walk away from me… and that is my biggest fear.
i have not told anybody about this problem i am facing. more importantly, i could not ask anybody for money to fix my financial problem. i thought of telling this to my best friend but i was afraid of his judgement. i know he wouldn’t but i just couldn’t stand to see that look in their eyes. i couldn’t tell my family. and i definitely couldn’t tell my girlfriend. i am broke, sad and lonely. i come to this forum and read some of the post and tears started falling. i am just sad. i feel like in hell, depressed and i can’t sleep at night. and the worst thing is i don’t know how to fix all this.
God, please give me mercy and help me get through this..

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