[phoebe28]

Hi everyone I’m new here. I’ve had a gambling problem for probably about 8 years however it’s reached its peak this last year. I’ve always had an issue with it and the first time I realised was when I was on a boat, I’d just had a game of bingo and didn’t win so I thought right 10 pound to play on the slots with – there was one free so I popped in a pound and first spin was 250 pound! …. That was it, little did I know that would be it. Everyone went to bed, but me, I stood and put every last penny in the machines! I should have realised then to stay away. From there it progressed to online slots – my hubby knew but only about the wins he used to tell people how lucky I was … If only he knew! Last year around summer time, I started online gambling again and started spending a lot of money on there it has spiralled all out of control with December being the worst, I lost both our wages within a couple of days of getting paid and have since gotten out around 5 or 6 different payday loans for about 500 each of which each one I gambled away, I’ve bought things on finance so I can sell it for gambling money it’s awful! I’ve even ran up huge phone bills by gambling on my mobile when I run out of money!
What can I say it’s a horrible, nasty, wicked addiction and I want it out of my life once and for all I feel like I’ve totally lost myself I dunno who I am anymore I’ve considering suicide as it seems like the only option sometimes -I’ve never ever been so unhappy worst thing Is my hubby doesn’t have a clue as I’ve always had control of the money I feel physically sick with all the guilt and shame but yet as soon as a penny goes into my account I’m straight online giving it away in the hope to recoup my losses … Pointless since when I do win, I gamble it away again it’s a vicious circle and I constantly ask myself ‘when’s it ever going to stop, when is enough enough, what have I become and mainly who the hell am I?!’ any help or advice would b fab thanks

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