[grouls1967]

I have ask myself that question a million times. Why do you keep going it only makes you miserable. I have tried stopping for 5 years and always end up back at the casino at my favorite slots wasting money I don’t have. I used to think I went because I was stressed or depressed and then I realized I even like to go when I am happy. So the other day I was reading an article about the effects of gambling on your brain and I got it I am addicted to the high, the adrenaline rush you get with the win. So I chase the high then when I have spent too much I chase the loss its a never ending cycle cause even if I do win I end up putting it all back, it’s just crazy. I have always had lots of integrity and would never lie or multipulate anyone but having a gambling problem has changed that in me I will do things like lie to my family to get the money to gamble, I am completely ashamed of my behavior. But guess what I keep going and going and going. But this time I am studying all about the addiction, writing online(which I would normally never in a millions years do), going to a GA meeting. For once I think I just might be able to kick this. I am recently divorced after 25 years and I really want the life I dreamed of, but the damn casino is in my way. I used to feel the only way I was ever going to stop was when I was in my grave and yes, I have attempted suicide before. I am feeling very hopeful this time about the way I am going about this. I have stopped beating myself up about it I am my own worse enemy. It’s also nice to go to websites and meetings and see you really are not alone in this. Thanks for listening, Grouls1967

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