[Ryan_Mcleod]

Today I have decided to join this site and write about my experiences as well as updating you all on my progress!

I started Gambling around 3 years ago when a boy from my old work recommended downloading a online sports betting app! thinking nothing of it I downloaded it, deposited funds and this is where it all started
I had never thought about gambling before but this was just the beginning, I started by only depositing £20 or £30 here and there, before my deposits grew to sometimes over £1000.
It got really bad this year, despite all the money I had lost me and my friend had booked to go away for a year to Australia, we fly out this August, I had managed to save £10,000 some by winnings I had put away and working 44+ hours a week to save, I have now lost that all through online gambling, my parents had to lend me £4000 to get myself out of the mess as I told them about it and I went and lost that as well. I’m still planning to go in August as my flight is paid for and I don’t want to let my friend down but I will need to work when I am over there, I have never felt so low and frustrated at myself for the choices I have made. I always think ‘If only’ I was greedy and constantly wanted more. The worst part about it all is how I feel now, I have lost so much money through this and disappointed myself so much I just don’t know what to do. I haven’t told my parents about loosing the money they gave me as it would break there hearts. If I just stop I can see me scraping by and managing but this low feeling that is over me im scared will not go away.

I also worry that if I do stop and get myself financially secure what If I do it again, how do I stop for good, I just want to stop letting myself down.

[theone12221]

Hi Ryan well done on embarking on your journey towards recovery. The first step is to take proactive actions to signify that you truly want to quit forever. Self-exclude youself from all online sites you use or might use. Install betfilter/gamblock on all your devices as added security.

You cannot do this alone and whilst the forums offer great support, seriously consider about attending GA and/or disclosing your problems to a close relative/partner/friend. Emotional support is key to recovery but ultimatelt it is up to you to do the hard yards necessary for quitting. Make no mistake it will be a tough road ahead but if you take it one day at a time and truly want to quit, you can turn your life around.

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Im ready, I have a friend I confine too, its going to be hard but I know it will get easier, today is my first day and already I have faced challenges! I just hate how I feel like this, I cant stop thinking, ‘what if’ and ‘why did I start’ its just so frustrating but im ready! when I go to Australia I want to be in a frame of mind where I don’t think about it, and positive!

[theone12221]

Aussie here! Enjoy the trip down under. Hope it’s a gambling-free one. Yes those thoughts and feelings will surround you daily in the initial weeks and even months. But you’ll notice it getting less and less over time. You just need to accept your losses and move on. There’s nothing you can do about the past but you can turn it around.

[Ryan_Mcleod]

I can do it and know I need to remain positive! I really just don’t want to do it again, what scares me the most is not actually losing the money but the feeling you get when you do, not only have you lost money (usually large sums) but its the feeling of disappointment, that sick feeling you feel in the pit of your stomach that I just couldn’t face again!

p.s fantastic where about from Australia are you from! Im travelling to Sydney

[Ryan_Mcleod]

complete couple of urges! actually walked into two betting shops as I am excluded from all online activity, but didn’t do it and what a great feeling that was! ready for tomorrow and day 2!

[theone12221]

Hey that’s really good that you feel like this. It took me quite a while to realize that it wasn’t just the money that got me but rather that horrible feeling aftee the loss.

I’m from Melbourne, was actually in Sydney just a month ago! Enjoy your trip and stay safe.

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Yesterday went well, still thinking about what I’ve lost and ‘what if’ or If I had only done things differently, but I cant change that and need to remember that and stay strong. One thing about gambling I have realised is no matter how much you win, its never really yours, the money is on borrowed time cause you know eventually its going to go back to the casino or the site or where it came from. Anyway roll on day 3 and no gambling!

[theone12221]

Yeah no point regretting your past actions, replaying those moments you lost it all. Even if you had made the “right decision” or got lucky then, it was only a matter of time until the bubble bursted and all those winnings were given back. Like you said, winning is simply delaying the inevitable. No gambler ever stops when they’re winning and we know what happens to a gambler that doesn’t stop…

[Ryan_Mcleod]

yesterday went well and I am ready for today! Im slightly worried because tomorrow is my day off and this is when I usually gamble, I remember when I did once I would put on a bet or loose a substantial sum, I would loose all energy and literally not want to do anything, its a horrible feeling. I’m proud I’ve managed this long so far, believe it or not five days is an achievement for me which sounds pathetic I know.
One thing im trying not to do is even look at betting sites to see what races are on because when I do, its game over, I can read up on a horse and I will be so tempted to go to one of the many betting shops beside my flat and put it on. I am more determined than ever though not to f**k up this time! I can do this x

[Ryan_Mcleod]

I’m ready to face today! its my day off so actually planned to do stuff! got quite a lot on my mind at the moment which is making me think less about gambling and what I’ve done, however I’m not going to forget as I know the more I relax and begin to feel better about the situation that’s when I can start to fall back into the trap, a wee bet here, a wee bet their! this time I really am more determined than ever!

[Courage]

Hi Ryan

Thank you for writing on my page. Im liking how positive you are sounding and i do understand that that when you feel a bit better about things it can be a dangerous time.
Im not in a good space right now in my head about this. Im trying very hard but not that positive now. I do find it helpful to read how others are doing it though and it might just help me to find that spark again thank you

Courage

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Today I have done a week without gambling, though I have done this before and actually quite a few times, I have never been in the position that I am in now! I am in two minds, I’m feeling in one respect quite low, I’m upset and annoyed at what I’ve done, letting my parents down and most of all myself. Putting myself into a financial situation that I can barely cope with and causing myself to feel this low by something that I chose to do time and time again.

On the other hand however I feel positive and equipped for what’s to come , I have never felt this focussed and sure of not doing it again than I do now! and its a good feeling knowing that I really do have a fresh mind set on gambling and the destruction it has caused me! anyway bring on day 7 I’m ready!

[theone12221]

Good work on your first GF week! Things will get easier and those negative thoughts will become less frequent as you move onto other things in life besides gambling.

I’m glad you’re feeling mentally strong but remember to never get over-confident! I felt like I had 100% control after 6 months clean but a set of stressful/unlikely events unfolded at the same time causing me to relapse, something I would have laughed at if you told me a week before the relapse. Remember it is a lifelong battle of control.

[Ryan_Mcleod]

I have found today pretty good, the thoughts are getting less and I’m beginning to hurt less however part of me feels like I’m just blocking out the thoughts and not really coming to terms if that makes sense.
I don’t want to say I’m depressed but I need to save some money for my travels and I have not a penny! this is stressful and I feel like its all getting on top of me! The amount of over-thinking I do is making me tired and really frustrating, I just wish I never done it but I really am going to try not to concentrate and what has been done and focus on what I do have control off: my future

[theone12221]

Hey Ryan glad to hear you’re feeling better. Blocking out the negative thoughts is a good start and it will definitely take time to accept what has happened in the past and move on. Stay strong!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Been busy this weekend with work so not updated in a few days. Still gamble free and doing well, worryingly I’m starting to think about it almost more, I get paid tomorrow which is the first time since I last gambled that I will have money. Really need to stay strong! I want to keep focus and really not go back! I will! even writing this blog helps, its nice to understand that its not just me that suffers this horrible addiction and that they’re is people who can relate.
Good luck with your progress guys! ill let you how I’m getting on in the next couple of days!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

sorry I’ve not been on in a while been so busy working!
on a positive note I have not gambled now for 25 days! Its hard though and I’m slowly starting to think about doing it again! I really don’t want to but after I’ve been paid again it just seems like its starting to creep up on me! I don’t really know what to do! I want to stay strong but this is very hard! I’m really going to try and stay positive and not do it! its horrendous and I want to live without gambling in my life!

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