[kabakanie]

Hi people.

So I’ve just lost £7k in a couple of weeks time, total I would say would be between £12k – £15k since I’ve started gambling. Now searching for help, chat and new life goals.

I’m 30 years old guy and I don’t see reason why I waste my life.

I could explain so much about my gambling. Started with quids at young age more for fun, ended up today with single bets 2k…..

I have to be honest that my gambling is ALWAYS back and forth and I ALWAYS loose money doing this. Even if I win and there is quick withdrawal I will withdraw money then come back in 2 days and but winning into drain + usually at lease few hundreds extra.

I don’t gamble every day, I’ve got that weird periods of gambling. Recently I’ve noticed that I simply cannot waste my life, money and health on gambling.

The “quitting” already takes around 4 years…. Within those 4 years I’ve lost about 15k including recent one…. I realised that I put more and more money in the drain.

I’m 30 years old. I’ve just lost 7k within last 2 weeks. I know how much work that cost, what I could have for this money. However apart money my life is important too.

That 7k was back and forth however it started as always – with little innocent £50 (so called – just for fun – not fun for me). Eventually I’ve lost all. I’ve had a massive mood swing within 2 weeks.

So to recap it :
Started with £100 deposit
Won around £1400
Lost all winnings
Deposit another £100 and another…….
Then went mental my deposits were 2x £3000 + 1x£1000
After two weeks fighting I’ve lost the battle. I’ve had many ups and downs. Twice I’ve cried , record myself while cried. It was horrible I’ve looked broken down, depressed and stressed. I’ve cried once because I’ve spent all night gambling, it was more brainless behave rather than money, as that night I didn’t loose anything.

I’m tired of this. I normally save money.

I’m ready for people help. TBH now I don’t care about this money, I’ve accepted losses I want to back to reality.

To note – I’m blocked with all major ONLINE CASINOS.
I’ve never been interested in real casinos.
I always tried to set the limit, but this time I didn’t see the option all went crazy, then couldn’t withdraw some of the money so I’ve just lost it.

Lost about 20%-30% of my budget. Now it’s time to finish it !
My family sort of knows about my pass gambling and loses not about recent. My GF doesn’t know nothing about my gambling problems, I want to tell her at some point. Most of my friends knows how much I’ve lost in total.

I feel embarrassed. I feel so empty. I also treat this losses as a new way to get out. But I can’t do it without people help.

Now I have to share my journey with all of you.

Plans :
1. Forget about losses. Don’t come back to gambling
2. Quickly recover, start doing cool thinks.
3. I’m moving to country where online gambling is illegal.
4. Talk to people on this forum
5. Gameblocks etc.

Need to move forward. Forget and focus on new things.

[kabakanie]

Just opened my eyes. I woke up. I’m actually more upset than last night when I didn’t care. I feel bad. As I’ve had so many opportunities to save at least 50% of lost , but I’ve been wild. I feel like that was a dream last night – it wasn’t. Time to get myself together. Today I work, now I know I work for free. Not only today, but all summer. But I also work to win with bad demons. For me with every “quit” there was innocent come back after couple months and it all ended the same. I’m tired of it. I feel so empty, I don’t even wanna put any single penny on bets. I’m not betting my life. Luckily I’ve got my GF, family, some skills which allows me work, health and some money saved. I will have to work my arse off even harder. I feel ashamed, but I new that getting my new gambling free life it’s a precious and I can do it. I will win this battle. So. Plans :

1. I’ve got my recorded videos when I cry and I’m fully down stressed and getting insane. Every little sparkle in my head that maybe I put innocent bet I will have to play this.
2. Post regularly here. It’s only couple minutes a day, but I believe that it will help, would be nice to get someone to be involve too.
3. I’ve got poster on my wall which will remind me this everyday it says “He Hates It” Its from Japanese anime Kaiji
4. I want to quit smoking along with this. I believe every little habit has to be changed.
5. I want to limit myself using my computer.
6. Start do more outdoor activities , go out with people. Unfortunately me and my GF having long distance relationship, and we cannot spend time together.
7. Quote a day

Casinos and gambling are my enemies from now.
“Take my new own path I will not give a satisfactions to my enemies”

[kabakanie]

Afternoon was driving to work. I’ve started to talk to myself and saying that I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’ve cried because of how naive I’ve been. I’ve asked god for help, but I also talk to god to listen me. The money has gone, I will not get them back I need to switch my mind, forget but remember how easy is to make a massive mistakes. No gambling, don’t want to do it, not even fancy. I’m braking up with the devil…. I’m sure that this new journey without gambling will be journey of better me.

I’m trying to get few new techniques of become better person and that is including gambling.

The one problem is…. I’m expecting some bonus from the casino I’ve lost so much money. Probably couple hundreds. I feel like I have to lose it, other way to withdraw my money I need to send my documents – ID , Bank etc but I don’t want to do this at all, this is the reason why I couldn’t withdraw money before which was a part of my keep canceling withdrawing and keep playing with it and loosing more, obviously my fault. I feel like I should just put massive bet and lose it all then after that block my account. My mind is already set that I’ve lost that money and bonus money doesn’t really matter to me. What should I do ? Send passport and all documents and withdraw money or just go one last one, lose it all and self-execute myself?

Quote

” The devil takes away freedom, god gives us freedom and free will if we over use it we end up with devil pact and we will end up being chained like dogs by the devil ”

[Anonymous]

Self exclude. once youve done that thgey have to return your balance.

If its a non withdrawable bonus, then just forget about it. You shouldnt need to send your documents if you exclude, if your accounts in credit they are bound by regulations to return your balance.

[kabakanie]

Feel very annoyed about money i’ve lost. Its hard to think how much opportunities and real pleasure I’ve wasted. I could treat my GF, buy some gift for my parents, give it out to people which are in need, take trip. Anything.

I put full tank of petrol which usually last for a week thats like £50 I’m thinking wow, I could have 200 free full tanks for this money. That is 4 years of petrol…..

Oh….
What to do…..

I will recover from this and I will not do any online gambling activities. That will be few months to recover losses…..

[charles]

Hi Kabakanie, well done on looking for help.

I would recommend getting yourself blocked from that casino. Maybe get a blocker for your PC which will block all online gamnbling.

Read the other stories here, you will see a lot that you will relate to. You will also see the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

Talk to your family and/or girlfriend, they could help you be accou8ntable for your money so that you can’t gamble without them knowing.

Which country are you moving to? Be careful as we can’t relocate away from this problem, it is in us so goes with us. I lived on an island for several years – no bookies, no slots, no casino…. I managed to find a way to gamble most days that I was there.

You have never been interested in real casinos? Again be careful – it is a gambling addiction, now that you have cut off the online casinos then the real life ones might start to become more attractive.

Keep posting and keep using support.

[kabakanie]

Thank you very much for the answer.

So I’m moving to Kazakhstan. As far as I know I will not be able to access online casinos. Pretty much most of the online casinos I banned myself anyway. There is no online casinos allowed neither real one. I know there is 60km away from the city Kazakhstani Las Vegas…… But I will keep strong and away of it.

It just the one left where I was expecting bonus which I’ve got today. So I’ve had £300 bonus and decided to go high bets on slots, went up to £750 went for roulette, quickly went up to £1350 then guess what standard – 14 RED in roll. I actually said myself I will not send this bastards my documents. Unless I get to half of what I’ve lost. I’ve lost all my bonus money. No guts about it. This was addition to addiction.

Today is 7th of August and I officially quitting gambling.

In terms of real casinos… I’ve been once in my life with my friends. After that I came back and I was gambling online rather than go back to real casino. I’m not interested in them the worst are online casinos, as I’m loosing track don’t think about loses.

Thank you for warning me…. No I’m not interested. I’m quiting for good. I don’t put any extra money to any sort of gambling activities. Nothing. ZERO…. I will play crosswords instead, go for run or just pray to god…. Money which I’ve lost is something I will not get back nothing I can do about it. I’m very annoyed with it, but it will go away. Luckily it was 25% of my savings, I still got girlfriend, job, skills and plans for future. However nowadays I want to let god guide me too.

I have to say that I’ve gambled what I could afford to loose. However thinking about what I could have for this and how quick that went it made me scared, hating myself etc…..

Thank you for all your advises. I’m about getting gameblock on my laptop. I will read other stories regularly too.

Wish me good luck

[kabakanie]

Ok, so my account was closed. The only thing I’m trying is to get money going with their terms and condition. I’m hoping I will be able to beg them for at least half refund. There were some things which wasn’t right. For example I was trying to withdraw 2 x 2k, waited 5 days and money was still pending. I could cancel it and blow money… That is the major problems with casinos.

Anyway. I woke up a little bit weird in my stomach, still feeling the loses, I’m planning to move soon, and only thinking how much opportunities I could get with this money make me sick.

I will not gamble ! – I’m done ……

[kabakanie]

Just to do small recap.

I’m thinking about money lost, however I’m reading other horrible stories here, and I don’t want to end up like this. That is why I need to stay focus and not gamble anymore….

I still have decent money in my bank, checks and cash and I’m not going to touch it. I also got some good profession additionally my online shop. I’m thinking if I lose all of this then I’m noone. I’ve got a lot more to lose than I’ve lost so I will not making same mistakes again and again.

I need to stay strong.

I also play the video of me crying , it looks really bad. I’m usually happy person, strong and positive, also good looking. The video when I was gambling all night and lost £600 showing me crying and asking myself why do i do this whats going on with me, the video is very dramatic it actually shows how I can look and feel on everyday basis if I will not stop with gambling.

Another thing I’m doing. Instead of focusing on gambling I’m trying to put all energy into love to my GF.

I have to admit I’ve been on some level addicted to porn and I’m trying to kick this bad habbit along with gambling. Luckily alkohol / drugs isn’t a problem to me. Maybe cigarets, but I’m trying to limit smoking too, yesterday I’ve smoked only 3 cigarets. I’m trying to fight with all this evil stuff at once, that is why I’ve decided ask god for help. Before I didn’t even think about god thing.

[kabakanie]

Still thinking about loses. Also think about what if I did things differently in terms of gambling, so put red instead black or whatever…….. Some demons are around my head giving me thoughts – I’ve I put 10k I can make £40 a day if I gamble carefully…. Damn! I shout to myself GO AWAY and NOOOO !

To be honest I cannot wait for a couple years without gambling… My problem is that I lose, come back in few months lose , come back and so on….. So my biggest challenge will be to not back in 3/6/12 months time…… I think next couple days I will not have problems with being cool down…..

Anyway…. I can do it …. I will do it… That is how I will beat devil…..I can’t imaging lose all I’ve got.

[kabakanie]

Today woke up and I actually didn’t think about loses…. I think it’s good sign, I’ve got new motivation and new energy to focus on more positive things than gambling…. Still anger come from time to time, however I feel like I’m on the good way to start new life. As mentioned earlier, one of the trick is to put my energy to someone who cares about me which is my girlfriend. I see that there is always win situation when I give her love instead of giving love to gambling. Also I plan to see more family and friends, and put some effort with my work.

[kabakanie]

I’ve back to life. Now I’m trying to get myself busy, almost forgot about loses…. I think it still will be in the back of my mind, however I feel a lot better. I didn’t think about gambling winning loosing, just came back to my life. I’ve planed my holiday trip for September, so I believe after holiday my mind will fully clear… This part is easy the most important is what will happen in 3/6/9 months…… I’ll keep update you people.

[kabakanie]

Day 10 started….

Yesterday I weight myself I’ve noticed I’ve lost 5 kg in last two months, which is really bad – 10 kg less than 7 years ago when I was in the best shape, when I’ve travelled around the world working in creative industry on the huge events. It was a slap on my face now I’m thinking if I continue gambling I would be thin as stick…. I think with gambling habit there is needs to change other bad habits. I will write more about this at some point.

I feel a lot better… I’ve been working more, got more energy to live. I’m reading some stuff here – thinking OMG, why people do this to themselves – Yet I did it not even two weeks before and I can read my thinks to see the progress….

I now focusing on more positive thinks, I try to meet friends, plan my future and think about happiness without money….. I start to understand the addiction and I’m thinking – Even I’ve got 100k when I’m in bad state I still would gamble it’s because I’ve got nothing to do, i want to kill my time, but last couple days I’ve started to think about things more positive. I feel like I’m getting back my artistic soul, which I’ve lost sometimes ago….. I just feel so much energy inside me…. I don’t want to be over excited but I’m going to stay on track….

[kabakanie]

So today I watched a little bit football there was a slight spark about gambling literally 1-2 sec, then it has gone quickly….

Generally I’ve started to meet people and friends, go out, go for a drink, do some exercises, just to keep myself busy but also happy. Also I’ve started to listen more music which give me energy, now I’m working on some personal projects, prepare for my holiday, planning future and DON’T think about MONEY …… Money is evil !

[kabakanie]

Ok so a little bit time passed still not enough. I told my GF about my past…. She didn’t comment she doesn’t know how much I’ve lost I didn’t tell her about recent ones I’ve told her that I’ve finished with this for good. Now seems like everyone know.

I’ve had a major argument with my GF not about gambling, just life argument…. I was thinking that this is one I can be fragile and back to gambling, however I feel no. Even if someone pay me to gamble I wouldn’t do it. So if there is problems I don’t think i run into gambling.

To follow up, above I think i run into gambling when I get cocky, too confident about my life, it’s also like sadomasochistic treat. Climb on the mountain then jump without parachute, smash my face on the rock and climb again. The thing with life mountain it’s that it hasn’t got limit it’s as infinity high and there is no top of it. However there is bottom of this mountain it’s when we loosing everything.

So basically you start with hell, everything is harder on the begin higher you reach it becomes easier, more colorful, you look back you see how much distance you made already. You proud, you get overconfident you think you reach the sky limit, but not take more steps to see what’s above sky. You stop thinking about your achievement, you gamble everything, fall down and all again…..

The quote for today ” Never look down, look above the sky”

[Anonymous]

Very good 10 out of 10!

[kabakanie]

So, I owe myself and others post…. So my last couple months was great, I was rather happy person, I’ve started to do some work, planning of my life, make some choices for future. As I mentioned in previous posts, all my energy which earlier went to gambling and other silly habits went into some more productive stuff and love to my woman !

It’s almost 3 months, from what I can remember the worst time is after that, when I coming back to gambling just “for a moment” then I stay with massive loses. At this time I’m not fancy it, maybe I do ? I don’t know maybe that is why I’m writing here because my subconscious telling me do it, do it…. And instead of doing it I’m coming here to share my last couple months experience.

Either way. I’m trying to keep strong and not fall for it again. Soon I’m leaving country, I’m looking forward for new life. Not that I run away from this I run into better life

[Author]

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