[silly girl]

Hello fellow members,
I am writing here today because I need change in my life and I think it’s time for me to be honest with myself.
In previous times, I have  been commited to stopping gambling but have not put these intentions into concrete changes in my life and I feel by writing and contributing on this site I am materialising changes in my life and taking one small step to becoming a healthier and happier me…
So what is different this time ? I have written on this site before and I come here often, almost daily to read other members progress.   I guess I’m just sick of it all. I am in my 30’s and have a loving husband and beautiful child and I feel like I’m creating problems for myself for no reason…like I have this naughty side to myself that comes up now and then.
I have lied to fellow family members, I have borrowed money from certain family members over and over again, I have minimal savings and debt.
I seem to swing from good to band, like I have a split personality.
So, I have decided to stop being selfish and pay off my debts, save some money and also save some money for a holiday sometime in the near future.
Today for me is Day 1 and I look forward to Day 30, a month of not gambling which for me is hard.
I live in denial I think things like – Hey it’s not that bad, I didn’t spend that much or Hey, I would probably spent that just going out on the weekend anyway doing normal things.
But something I have come to learn is it’s not just the money.
Relationships are hurt, trust is lost and a vicious cycle of disappointment and negative reinforcement is put into place within myself…
I want to be happy, full of life and grateful for my blessings.
Good night to all – just for today / tonight I will not gamble and that happiness in the morning when I know I havent gambled is worth it !
 
— 14/04/2012 10:32:08 AM: post edited by silly girl.– 16/04/2012 9:06:10 AM: post edited by silly girl.

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