[enoughisenough]

Hello, everyone,
I started gambling almost two years ago.  The last year has been out of control.  I’ve ruined my life, everything I found enjoyable, lost friends, respect, self-esteem….all that good stuff we all know about.  And of course, money, money, money. 
I know there comes a time when you just have to realize it’s gone and will not be returned to you.  I am done chasing losses.  I am done playing "free play" just to have a little extra cash to catch up.  I don’t ever want to be in a casino again.  It makes me sick to think I lost my life in there.  I want to be back at the gym every day like I used to and be healthy.  I can’t control the past.  It’s gone.
It hurts really bad.  I’ve hurt myself and my family, and dissappointed them, and myself, of course.
Thank goodness I do make a semi-decent living and can start fresh.  I am even considering relocating to another state, where I can work and have work lined up.  I just need to get there.  I’m not running away.  I need a change.  I’ve needed a change for many years.  I’ve been miserable and lonely for years; hence, casino..
This may seem like an innappropriate or dumb question, but I have to make a decision very fast, so here goes:
While I was on my rampage, I was behind in bills, of course.  So I pretty much emptied my vault and pawned pretty much everything.  Yes, some of it is valuable, money-wise; but it’s mostly sentimental…all things from my grandparents and parents that were given to me.  It is a lot of stuff!  I pawned it for $1,500 ( so stupid!)  I figured I could get it out in a month or so.  WRONG.  Now the interest is so high.  For me to get it out would cost almost $4,000 or I can make monthly payments, which would be about $300 per month.  I’m seven months behind on my monthly payments, which is why it’s so expensive to get out. 
They have been holding on for a long time, but today I finally got the call that the owner said come and pay or it’s going to be melted.  I can understand.  I’m not angry at them.  I just don’t know what to do.  I don’t have the $4,000 to get it all out.  Yes, I can get some out or make some payments.  There are four seperate tickets, so I can maybe get one or two things out, but my thing is:  I am trying to SAVE my money, pay off debt, bill collectors, etc.  I’ve ruined my credit.  I have bills.  I am not gambling anymore.  I am just trying to pay off my debt and start over.  If I get this stuff out, I’ll be flat broke.  It hurts SO bad to let it go, but I should probably use that $300 a month and pay the collection agencies to fix my credit, as credit lasts forever, but these possessions are just "things" although mean the world to me.  I don’t know if I should use all my money to work on getting it out and be broke and neglect important bills and saving for my future, as I am planning on relocating in the next few months.  That will put me back six months if I pay the pawn shop. 
Should I call it a loss and just look ahead? 
I don’t know if I can live with myself letting it go.
I’ve asked two people, but they don’t know the reason why I pawned it.  They said to call it a loss.  One even said, "Well, you pawned it because you needed the money for bills at the time.  It’s not like you used it for gambling or drinking"….Yeah, if they only knew 🙁
Any advice?  I know it’s a dumb question.
 

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