[maria1252]

Today I woke up with plans to get my hair done and cook my Sunday dinner, BUT the urge came over me and I relapse!  I am so upset with myself, feel like just giving up.  What’s the point!  I have fought for the last 12 days to avoid that place and put barriers around me!  It did not work today!  I don’t know what to do right now.  My head hurts, my stomach hurts and I am so disappointed in myself.  Most of my bills were paid, but the person I was depending on to pick up the rest of my money never answer my phone calls, so now all my money is gone. 
What am I to do!  My cell phone will be cut off in a couple of days my cable will be cut off!  How can I stay in the house with no cable.  Television is one thing I can do since I am trying to be more responsible with my money!
Life — Life is so hard these days, even though I have done this to myself.  I only had until the end of October to get it together and now it is going into November.  Right now I want to exclude myself from the Casino.  Right now I need help to get over this hump!  I am hoping that on Monday I can go to the headquarters of the Casino and sign myself out! I hope I have the courage to do this, because this is the only thing that is going to save me from myself.  I can not do this on my own!  I need someone to be with me to be near me.  I need the courage to exclude myself.  I do want a good life I do want to be able to go on vacations again.  I can’t take this lifestyle anymore.  I am praying and praying but satan has a hold on me.  Let me go Satan.  Please let me go!  I need to trust in the Lord with all my heart, all my soul and with my whole heart.  Lord I trust and believe in YOU!  Lord even though I haven’t been acting like your child I am.  You said that once I come unto YOU no one and nothing could pluck me out of your hands.  Lord help me right now.  I need YOU!
Life use to be good and I keep telling myself it can be good again if I exclude myself.  Forget the dinners forget the free play, it is not free.  I was on the right track and now I have a set back.  BUT  I need to believe and trust in the Lord that I can and will succeed in the life He has for me.  Please pray for my strength in the Lord, that I trust HIM and not myself.  Thanks for letting me write– It has helped my a little. 

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