[doubleddowner]

So here I am again. This relapse of three weeks of gambling binges has sent me to my knees. Literally, to my knees praying for answers and relief. I am 37 years old and have been gambling since I was 18. I remember the excitement of gambling and how I used to gamble and lose $100 in Atlantic City, but tell exciting stories of how I “almost” pulled the right card or how much fun I had at the table. Then that amount grew to $500 at a time. To $2500. My father was the one who helped me control my finances in the face of these gambling issues. While i still lost, his watchful eye helped soften the blow and keep me away from larger funds. Well, he died of cancer in August and that stop-gap went away. With the grief of his death, full access to my banking, and a whole lack of self control, I have throw away 40K+ In less than three weeks. I feel like I’m walking around dead. I’m disappointed in myself and what I have done and feel like I let my dad down. Even worse, I finally caved and did online blackjack (which I swore I would never do!) and lost tons of money to that. I found myself on my phone for hours playing and desocializing. My last gamble was 10/13 (Friday the 13th), but that was me on my phone until around 4am. Just me, in my hotel room. I couldn’t put it down until every dollar was gone. I guess I just want to vent to all of you. I also want to know its going to be okay. I’ve lost $250K+ in my lifetime and I almost vomit every time I think of it. What i could have done with that kind of money. What a fool I have been. Have others lost this kind of amount? Thank you for listening.

[i-did-it]

Hi doubledowner ,
Well done on seeking help . I’m sure it’s on here have lost that kind of money – I have never added what I lost but I have won and los the kind of sums you describe in under an hour online .
It is a horrible addiction but one which can absolutely be controlled . It sounds to me that you need to get someone to look after your money fast – can u think of anyone who could help you – if you have money left could u out it in an account you cannot access easily.
Really you can beat this – grief is so horrible and I know that feeling of wanting to escape it – but it so something we all go through at some stage in our lives and it does get easier –
Life is hard enough sometimes – we don’t deserve to make it harder by gambling .
Are u close to GA- there is an online chat at gamblers anonymous UK- and there will always be someone along to talk to in a while – hope this helps

[Monica1]

Hi doubledowner, you are not alone. As jappy says for me from simple bingo to full on slot mania and complete destruction. This is over 5 and a half years and I lost much more than the figure you mention. I took myself to rock bottom. Take advice and self exclude. The money is gone and we have to accept that. It takes time to heal and the memories of the money lost do not go away. They keep bouncing back but must just let go every time they come up. Recovery can happen but we must really want it.

[Author]

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