[choccamocca]

Hi everyone, my name is Liz.
I have been a gambler for 7 years, and a compulsive gambler for nearly as long.
Until early 2004, I was not interested in gambling in the slightest as I have never considered myself lucky. Then I went to Vegas. It was fun at first – playing the slot machines with quarters. Not really winning much, but not losing either. Until I won a small jackpot ($400 if I remember correctly), and I started upping the bets ($20 per spin) and still winning.
On my return home, I booked a return trip to Vegas, but before that happened I discovered the world of online gaming, and that was the beginning of a severe addiction. It took 3 months  for me to go from financially solvent to betting every single penny I had – and didn’t have – on the slot machines. I am not interested in Poker, or  Blackjack, or any other type of gambling, just the slots. I maxed my credit cards to the limit, borrowed money, won big, ploughed that money back into chasing after the next big win, lost everything, then started the whole vicious cycle all over again. 
And that is the root of my problem. I am greedy. I was never satisifed with smaller wins. Instead, I was always chasing  the BIG one. Then chasing the losses that always come after those wins. And worse, I am always dreaming about hitting it big, like I have done in the past. Conveniently forgetting, of course, that the big win didn’t even begin to cover my losses.
My behaviour has become obsessive. I work from home, and instead of working, I end up playing the slots. The next thing I know, I am hundreds of pounds down, and I am behind with my work.
And what is worse, I have lost touch with friends and don’t have any hobbies any more as they interfere with my gambling. I rarely leave the house as I don’t have any money for petrol, have put on so much weight I am ashamed, can’t afford any new clothes, can’t afford to get my hair cut – in other words, I look like a bag lady.
I am holding on by my fingernails, but if I don’t do something soon to address this, I am going to go under. To be honest, I don’t know how I am still going as I am severely in debt. However, there always seems to be enough for just another gamble.
And the allure of the casino still echoes relentlessly in my brain – go on, one more betting session. You will win big this time, just gamble slightly differently from your last time. Higher stakes, lower stakes, different games. Yada, yada Yada.
This is what I am fighting against. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I still believe I can hit the jackpot, the one that will change my life.
Oh God, I have to get rid of this mindset. This is how I have come so very very close to destroying everything I have, everything I am. 
How did I sink this low? How did I come to this? I am very intelligent, but that seems to count for nothing as far as compulsive gambling is concerned. I have to fight against this unforgiving enemy and get my life back on track. No matter how tough it is going to be,  I am finally out of choices.
Thank you all for listening, and I hope many of you will be able to help and support  me on this very painful journey. As I will do my best to help and support everyone as well.
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BetFilter installed on Monday May-16. Day 4 of being gambling free.The light at the end of the tunnel has only temporarily been extinguished.

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