[tryingtoliveagain]

I should probably start my story with I’ve been thru this kind of help before. I was addicted to alcohol drugs and violence as a youth and ended spending 18 months incarcerated. In custody I went thru a 28 day treatment program and was successful in completing and seem to head in a better direction in life ( or so I thought). My first gambling experience I was 20 put in 20 dollars pulled out 400. Thought it was a easy way to make money. I was working so hard before and too put in 20 bucks and 2 minutes later its 400 was entrapment. From there I was regularly gambling 2 to 3 times a week just on the slots. On My wife and I’s 1st anniversary we visited a casino and I played black jack for the ver first time this was 5 years ago. In a three month period I lost 20000.00. I couldn’t believe it. It was too easy to sit down thinking that I could win it back the stress was unbearable and I talked to my wife. She said it was alright as long as I didn’t do it again. I thought I could control by just playing slots but it just got worst. In the last 6 months I figure I’m down another 35K. I make good money but can’t do anything because I spend it all in those stupid slots and have even tried the casino. I haven’t gambled in 4 days and have talked to a friend that is in AA. Did I mention my thirst for the bottle is also back. I have a wonderful and loving family a great business partner and wonderful employees. I want my life back. I’ve created this monster and I can only helpl myself to fix it but I need support. No one knows anything I’ve told you and I don’t think I can tell them. Everyone considers me their rock (a rock can cover up garbage can’t it), I’m embarrassed and ashame of myself. I’ve contiplated suicide so I can leave my wife with something of a life( haven’t lost it all yet). Need advice and I want to go to ameeting but I am ashamed. Please help

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