[alliWG13]

I blew the Xmas shopping money – £400 – in the space of 15 minutes. What a selfish thing to do. Part of me doesn’t even care, I’d do it again, given the chance. Does that make me a bad person?? I’m sick of these highs and lows (not many highs in actual fact) and letting everyone down. What the hell is wrong with me?? I’m supposed to be an intelligent person. Do I feel sorry for myself?? Yes I do, and why should I be made to feel bad about that all the time. On many levels life has dealt me a s**t hand. Unfortunately I’m not a glass half full type of person, heck, I don’t even have a glass at the moment. All I know is I’m sick of this life and this s****y addiction. It’s pathetic. I’m going to try and stop. That’s all I can do. And maybe it’s all I need to do for now.

[lizbeth4]

You are not a bad person, you are a CG! You are in the right place for help and support. Please consider GA meetings, banning yourself, giving your cards and money over to someone else, anything to make it harder to gamble. Keep posting and stay strong!!

[charles]

Hi Alli, it was good to talk to you yesterday.

Lizbeth is right, you are not a bad person, you are an addict like the rest of us. The good news though is now that you know that you can do something about it.

I would agree with what you say – right now all you have to do is to focus on stopping gambling. When you have done that you will be better placed to address anything else that needs addressing. Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking. Hopefully see you in a group again soon.

[alliWG13]

Thank you for the support and comments. I really appreciate it. Today is my daughter’s 13th birthday and I feel just about as low as I ever have. I’ve let myself down again and been to the bookies to gamble, consequently I feel like s**t all over again. I’m determined to give my daughter a nice day – she deserves it – but inside I feel like I want to give up on everything. We’re having a very low key family party later and I have to put on a front and pretend I’m feeling ok. The truth is I feel suicidal and find myself thinking about it more and more, how I could do it, when and where etc. My children have have always been a great protective factor, I adore them and would never want to do anything to hurt them, but I feel increasingly detached from everything. Despite the support I have this is a very lonely addiction. I just don’t know if I have the strength to carry on anymore. If gambling were my only problem I might feel like fighting it, but I have so many other problems health wise, financially, personally. I’m sick of it all.

[vera]

It’s a terrible feeling to blow all the Christmas money Alli. The part of you who “doesn’t care” is the “sick” part. The part who would do it again to win the money back . “Be hung for a sheep as a lamb” sort of feeling.
I have done that so often.
I have prayed to God for a loan. Gone through fling bullets to get it. Swear “this is it, never again ” and stuffed every cent of that loan (many times) into slot machines.
I do not know why we do it.
All I DO know Alli, is that stopping and staying stopped IS possible!
Look at all the success stories here!
Try to be kind to yourself
You are in shock after the loss of that money.
it’s an awful feeling.

[alliWG13]

This addiction is going to kill me. I f***ed up again. I want oblivion.

[vera]

Just checking in on you Alli.

The addiction does not have the power to kill you unless you comply with it’s “wishes”i. e GAMBLE!
We all have the right to choose but once we start its almost impossible to stop until we run out of funds.
Gambling WILL lead to “oblivion”for a few hours
but when we wake up….Ah! that’s when the nightmare starts!!

[Anonymous]

Hi Alli, it was nice to meet with you briefly on chat. I thought you are a wonderful and brave person to reach out and get the help u need.
This addiction really can bring us to our knees. Reading through your thread I can see what a good parent you are. You adore your kids and I know you would never do anything to hurt them.

This addiction is hurting you Ali. I’m sure if our kids knew what we put ourselves through they would say “I love you Mummy /daddy warts and all. No amount of money lost or won us as important as having you in my life.”

Money problem are so stressful but can be overcome. They are temporary.
Other issues can improve
We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
We need to be here for our kids .. Who else will advocate for them through life! Who else will pick them up when life slaps them down.
Sometimes we underestimate out ability to cope.
My favourite phrase ” fake it til u make it”u

You will recover from this addiction. Tomoro is the start of a new year… New opportunities for us Ali.. New hope ..a fresh start!!
Let’s go for it and give things a chance to get better!!

[alliWG13]

Thank you for your message. I will try and hold on to your kind words. I am very grateful for you taking the time to post. Wishing you a happy new year.

[monique]

I am glad you decided to talk this evening. I hope it helped a bit. I like this lovely post from Sad – she makes so many important points here in such a relevant way. I do hope it touches you, too.

Monique

[Anonymous]

So glad u read my post Ali
We are all here because we know how bad things can get
But we all know things can improve too
We will smile again and believe it or not feel real happiness!!
Happy new year!!

[vera]

Hi Ali!

Gambling will take everything from us if we choose to give in to it’s demands!
The ONLY way to survive it’s grip is to give it NOTHING!
Make gambling IMPOSSIBLE
We all have a chance to start anew in 2015
one day at a time
Never give up!

[Anonymous]

How are things going alli?

[Author]

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