[kcc123]

Hi, I have not been gambling for almost 11 months and then I self destructed. I live alone in my late 30s and I have free time on weekends. I been feeling really lonely and I logged to my online horse account. Once I start losing I chase and chase, now I chased to the point where I lost all my savings for the past year. I feel all my hard work is gone and I’m here on this site reading other people’s experiences. I can defeat this addiction, I just need to follow through. Following through has been my biggest problem in gambling and in life. I feel horrible today and just sulking in my living room with my cat.

[jen3]

I am sorry. I know the feeling I made it just shy of 6 months and as usual the addiction made me think “I can control this” I am so sick of being sick. I am determined to get back up but still scarred because I always seem to re-live the same nightmare over and over again. On a positive note Great job on almost a year. Just look at it is a bump In the road. (Easy for me to say as I am overcome with sadness and regret)

[Spidy]

I just relapsed myself. I am on Day 4 of no gambling. My first two days was in the weekend and I had to cancel plans to go out due to the fact that I overdrawn all my accounts and can’t afford to even buy a coffee.

I am glad I had a few barriers set to keep myself from losing everything. I hope you feel better tomorrow. Don’t lose hope, you were able to stay gamble free for 11 mths. That is a really long time.

[lizbeth4]

Hi kcc, I am sorry that you gambled and are feeling horrible. I know that feeling all too well. Have you put any barriers in place to make it harder for you to gamble? It really works and helps. Have you thought of going to GA meetings? It is hard at first to go but once you attend a few meetings, it does help being able to talk about gambling with others who know where you are coming from. Also, for myself I found that they were other underlying issues in my life that caused me to want to gamble. Keep strong and don’t give up! You can succeed.

[kcc123]

I have set up some roadblocks and it has helped but if I really wanted to gamble I would. I went to a few GA meetings but they have not been too helpful because it was hard for me to relate to some of the people there. I just need to stay on course and remind myself that I have a problem. I am in overdraft and just want to hide from the world, but I won’t. I just need to accept it and move on. I will continue to read more stories and start using this site as an outlet. I find it helpful.

[velvet]

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Hello Kcc and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[kin]

Hi Kcc

Thank you for your honesty. I had relapse yesterday.

I have made some very bad choices and decision recently and doing my day one in recovery again.

[theone12221]

Hey man, loneliness and despair can be a MASSIVE trigger! Particularly when you’ve been clean for a while and the addiction makes you think that you’re ok to play a lil bit for fun to get you out of that rut you’re in. That’s the trap!!! We can’t play sensibly, we get greedy and we can’t help but chase losses. We cannot play, EVER. I hope this relapse is the one that makes you realise this as you need to truly understand this point to be able to quit forever.

[kcc123]

Okay, so I’m back to one day without gambling. Besides gambling, I have developed new hobbies as a result of not gambling for a while. Like yesterday night, I went to kickboxing class. I do back office work for a bank and have the week off. I been sitting at home most of the time. This week has given me time to think and reflect. I fell into a spiral of gambling online on horses the past six Saturdays. The gambling helped me escaped loneliness and whatever negative feelings I was feeling. But now I’m broke and regretful. I’m will be okay though, I had put a lot of my life back together. I just need to start again and build on my positives. Thanks for the comments and I’ll continue to read the forums to help in my journey to recovery. AIso, I hope to share my story and help others if possible also.

[kcc123]

I was tempted to bet on the Belmont Stakes this early evening but resisted. I was depressed because I did not know what to do with my free time. I watched some streaming videos and took a two hour nap. I am now awake at 10 PM and not feeling happy. I know I will have my bad days with my mood. I do not want to switch to any destructive addictions either. I have to stay strong and let this pass. Looks like another night home alone watching On Demand Cable TV.

[kcc123]

tempting to gamble today. but I won’t. temptatuon is there when you have extra funds but I choose not to gamble.

[maverick.]

Kcc stay strong and stay safe, you know just like me that if we gamble and make that first bet it just sets us off again of that downward spiral………..leading us to despair and total destruction!!

You can do it Kcc and keep using whatever support works for you, you have worked recovery before and you can work it again, I wish you well and keep fighting, this addiction destroys lives and believe you me it has took me to the edge many times……in truth it has sent me over the edge…….just for today I am a good climber and I thank God for that.

Take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[monique]

Indeed, that can be a dangerous time – on your own with spare funds to hand. Just wondering if there is anything else you can do to ‘protect’ yourself in advance from this kind of ‘temptation’ time? I know you are on your own, but is there anyone who could have some management of your finances (at least for a while), so that you don’t get access without accountability to someone else you trust? Or, if there is no one, are you able to make an account that is marked off in your mind as unavailable?
Definitely good to start new activities, as you say, too. Good to get into different ways of being, that will help to ward off loneliness and temptation.

Best wishes,

Monique

[kcc123]

Thanks for the message. I did not gamble yesterday and feel good for not giving into temptation. I just have to continue to live in the moment and stay strong. Your reminder of despair and total destruction is a great reminder.

[kcc123]

The most important barrier is home equity to my house. My mom takes care of all of the housing taxes and finances . I don’t even look at how much it’s worth or anything. I went a week homeless in my lifetime due to gambling many years ago. I had to make a decision to ask for help or be prideful and stay homeless.

Anyway…marking an account as unavailable is a good idea. I tried in the past but failed. I will try again. I don’t really want to have my parents handle my day to day cash flows. I will think of more barriers that are realistic.

[kcc123]

Hope all is well and remember to enjoy life. Gotta finish up the work day and get the weekend started.

[Author]

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