[tamworth]

Hi, this will be hard to write and admit but here goes…

I am 27 years old. This is my life….

<16 years old:
* Growing up. I had a Mother, Father and 2 elder brothers.
* Aged 5-10 I went to a private school, expelled for changing an E is Science to B
* Aged 13 i placed my first bet on football pools and my 18 year old brother let me use his online account to place bets
* 14 years old went to work experience and was offered an apprenticeship (work and study 1 day a week) at the age of 16
* 15 my Mother wanted to leave my Father but didn't as thought i'd mess my GCSE's up
* 15 messed my GCSE's up

16-17 years old:
* Completed my apprenticeship, had 2 jobs
* 17 years old went to the bookies almost every lunch time to play on roulette machines it started with going in with £5-10 a day

18 years old:
* Opened my first online account on my 18th birthday, squandered all my life savings within 2 months and got a loan for x amount which i repaid
* Stole £1000 cash from my father and lost it
* Ran away from home, not knowing where to go embarrased I lost everything and guilty of stealing
* Came back home after 3 days, started an online buddy support
* Stopped gambling for approx 10 months

19-20 years old:
* Moved home and got a new job thinking it will stop me from gambling
* promoted to manager within 3 months starting as a junior
* Spent all my money theft from work
* Boss gave me a warning, loan of theft (approx £3k) and went to GA (no criminal action taken)
* Attended GA, Stopped gambling
* Bought a house continued attending GA not gambling

21 years old:
* Stopped going to GA
* Started gambling, taking loans, credit cards and payday loans (approx £30k)
* tried to overdose unsuccessfully
* Theft of over £30k from work ( no criminal action taken)
* Sold house paid theft of £30k from work back then went into an IVA agreement
* Sacked

22-23 years old:
* Applied for GM residential care, went for 6 weeks and left
* Stopped gambling through outreach support GM, online support
* Started a LTD company
* Turned over £300k+ making approx £60k+ profit per year
* Cars, holidays, staff, parties you name it

24 years old:
* Bad debt of approx £30k, gambled again
* Bank stopped funding money due to bad debt and business was failing
* Started gambling, paid all suppliers and HMRC then sold business goodwill

25 years old:
* business i sold to i worked for 10 months
* continued to gamble
* theft of approx £20k from work which led me to lose goodwill i sold business for (no criminal action taken)
* sacked from work

26 years old:
* gambling
* bankrupt
* defrauded 13+ people out of purchases and rentals approx £5k
* taken loans out in parents, siblings names of approx £25k

4 weeks ago I decided to either end my life or be punished for the crimes i commited.

I hired a car, poured cooking oil and petrol spilt and went to hit the match, i called the police to hand myself in. I spent 3 days in a cell and admitted all counts of fraud.

I am now homeless and waiting for the court proceedings which will be many many months away, if it even goes to court.

I've applied to go to GM residential care. I will accept my punishment if I go to jail, i probably deserve that for my current offences and past offences. I want and need help so i reapplied to gm residential care.

I've defrauded many many people. i'm homeless, jobless, bankrupt. This is reality, I may more then likely even go to prison.

If i can get through this understanding why i gamble and trying to stop i will face my punishment and try to make a life for myself when i have a chance to rehabilitate in the real world.

Money comes and goes, I've squandered everything. But the theft, lies and hurt to family and people i've done it to is sickening I will always feel guilt, loss of self respect and trust that will never EVER be won back.

I'm not gambling at the moment and know I can go weeks, months or a year without it but it's about stopping for good.

[velvet]

Hello Tamworth and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[theone12221]

There must be something beneath the surface that’s causing you to gamble in excess and commit such fraud…what is the area of dissatisfaction in your life that you are trying to escape from or remedy with gambling? Once you work this out, only then can you begin your journey of recovery and redemption.

[worriedmama]

I’m sure that was VERY hard to write but it sounds like you’ve taken your first step to a genuine recovery.

All the best as you start your journey.

Cathyx

[tamworth]

If you ask previous employers, friends, family, previous staff i’ve employed or agencies i’ve used who don’t know my circumstances most will say i’m honest, reliable and intelligent.

Unfortunetly i used all of those skills in the wrong way. One thing I would say is, once you’ve committed fraud or lied and go unpunished you think you can do it again.

I don’t blame anyone else, its all my own doing but if I was punished the first time i stole i don’t think i’d be in this position now.

Everytime i messed up i lied about how much money i owed, i gave all access to my father but still owed money elsewhere so i continued to gamble to try to recoup my debt.

People often talk about how much money they’ve lost, i’ve done that when i tried to stop 1,2,3,4 times etc but the reality is I sit here with 1p in my pocked money isn’t everything. Importance of having family/friends, being truthful and being able to live without feat or guilt is more important.

When your gambling you still have access to money, i have no access to money unless i commit further crime, i won’t do that though. I’ve made good money in my life through hard work, it will come again i know it will but only if i stop gambling. I need to become a human being and be able to rehabilitate in society and live without fear and guilt. Gambling is probably 30% of the problem, other 70% is my behaviour/ impulsiveness, working too hard, my pride, trying to please others, trying to be everyones friend and not being able to be honest. Look what steps and lengths i’ve gone to gamble its crazy.

Now its time to concentrate on myself and my recovery.

[tamworth]

talking to yourself.

[Author]

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