[ladyindistress]

I have been a compulsive gambler for over 12 years.  I have spent probably $200,000 gambling, maxing out credit cards, getting payday loans, using my savings to support my addiction.  I think my moment of recogning was using my daughter’s money to gamble.  I had sunk that low!
I found a gambling addiction counselor and started on what I thought was my "road to recovery".  I had 3 weeks under my belt when that weekend I was experiencing very negative thoughts, sleeplessness, apathy, tiredness and loss of appetite.  Then I gambled, losing $1500 and suffered gambling hangover.  Oh how I hated myself for backsliding, but I needed to recoup what I had lost so 3 days later I gambled again, losing another $1,000.  It would have been more but I had the overdraft provision removed from my debit card, I could not transfer funds from savings to checking so I couldn’t access any more money.  I didn’t go to the GA meeting because I was embarassed and ashamed.
Ever since I have been in a foul and hateful mood.  I am having weird dreams of stuff that happened many, many years ago.  I’ve been dreaming about playing poker (which I did when I was in my twenties at our house), and going to bingo with my mother.  It’s all so strange.
I have appointment with counselor tonight, and I feel like I let him down.  How can I tell him how badly I’ve relapsed.
I need more ways to ward off the urge to gamble.
 

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