[Kerry1]

Today I went to the casino. Today I gambled. Today I had enough. Enough of the pain, self-torture, guilt and shame that went along with sneaking away and taking the debit card without my wife’s knowledge or permission. Today I reached out for help. Today it took a while to find someone online who cared. It happened here. For that I am grateful. I am tired of being a slave to gambling. I want a healthy outlet, a healthy alternative. There is a G.A. meeting tomorrow that I have to make it to. Thanks again to the person who listened, offered advice and encouragement. I want to break free of these chains.

[Anonymous]

Hi Kerry ad welcome to the site. It is good to read you reached out and found help. Gambling is a horrible “hidden” addiction. It steals so much more from us than money Kerry. This is you off to a good start to a better life ..

[Kerry1]

Today was a mix of emotions, but I liked it. When I woke up I felt a little guilty still. And weary. But once I got around and cleaned up, the day got better. I got to spend the evening with my wife, which is a treat in itself. We usually work different schedules, but I have a couple days off. She is wonderful. So supportive. I have a meeting to go to tomorrow. She wants to go, but I’m not sure if that’s ok with the people running it. Either way is ok, as long as I go.

[Kerry1]

Today I went to my 1st G.A. Meeting. It was an open meeting, so my wife was able to go with me. Everyone was very warm and welcoming. There was a couple people there who were just supporting a loved one. We felt very comfortable. They asked us both to share, and we did. We were both very glad we went. We plan on going together, at least for a while. Today I am grateful for the fellowship and for no compulsion to gamble. I know it won’t always be this easy, but I’m still enjoying it while I can. Kerry

[Kerry1]

Today was my first day of work since I decided to stop gambling. For most this wouldn’t be a big deal, but since I’m a bartender at a casino, it was for me. I have no desire to talk about gambling with my customers, but I have to pretend to care for business reasons. I’m privy on much of the happenings at the casino for various reasons. And after hearing how much money that our smaller casino brought in for an entire “slow” month, I’m disgusted. Today I pray that the desire to gamble stays away, or is fleeting at worst.

[Kerry1]

I like the freedom that comes with living a gambling free lifestyle. I don’t feel enslaved. I’m watching a tv series on streaming and the title of an episode I watched earlier was called “You can’t lose if you don’t play”. I instantly thought of how that applied to gambling. We often hear the saying “you can’t win if you don’t play”, but I like the new version of the saying much better. It totally applies to my new way of living. I choose to say no to self-destruction.

[Anonymous]

Hi Kerry, well done on your commitment to stop. Having your wife accompany you to GA is a wonderful idea , and a testimony to your marriage and how you are a real partnership.

You job certainly makes it difficult to stop. On the other hand you see the destruction gambling brings at first hand. Do you ever want to scream STOP when you see people chasing their money when the odds are stacked against them.
When I used To go casinos I used to try to read people’s faces… To see whether they were winning or losing.. With the exception of a few short lived wins the faces usually looked desperate!
You are going all the right things to beat this addiction Kerry. I’m sure, although change is hard, your skills are extremely transferable and make you very employable in other venues should you decided the temptation is too strong.

You feel and sound happier already. Keep doing all that you are doing. You are beating this addiction one day at a time!

[Kerry1]

Yesterday I talked to my Mom and explained to her my lifestyle change and the reasons for it. Again I was met with tremendous support and love. She is a recovering alcoholic with 5 or 6 years clean time, so she gets it. She offered some suggestions for healthy alternatives to gambling. Thanks for responding sad68. It does get old and somewhat depressing to watch the same people doing the same behavior, and expecting different results. But it is a constant reminder of how I don’t want to be anymore. It’s a great day to be free!

[Kerry1]

This is my first post in three days. Things have been a little rough, but I haven’t resorted to gambling. I feel like I’m being treated unfairly at work, and I’m currently dealing with that. I also had a gambling dream a couple days ago. I’m finding myself getting angry and/or upset easier. I just need to stay focused and remember what I do and don’t have control of. My thoughts, actions and reactions are pretty much all I have control over. Living simply is paramount to my success.

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