[Hatemyself]

Please help me. I am 67 years of age and have gambled away well over one hundred and fifty thousand euro, lost our home, lost my poor disabled husband and left him homeless and ill, isolated myself from my family and generally know what a stupid, selfish individual I have become. I can’t believe that since I started 10 yeasr ago, I knew I had an addiction but did I stop? No, I just went on and on and on. Playing on different casinos, always on the slot machines became my dirty little secret. It started ten years ago after my husband had a serious stroke and bad health problems. I thought I would have a little game of bingo and that was fine for about 4 months. Then I noticed the little side slot machines and started playing them. One of the games, which I played as recently as yesterday, Shaman’s dream, caught my fancy. I just loved watching the reels turning, watching out for 3 little blue dream catchers to give me 15 free games with a multiplier of 3. The adrenaline that it gave me couldn’t be equalled. Even as recently as last night, that adrenaline flowed through my veins, as once again, I allowed myself to be lured by that very game, and of course, my selfish addiction. Selfish of course doesn’t cut how I feel about myself. I hate myself, am disgusted with myself and of course bitterly regret losing all of our life money. I have lied, cheated, stolen and defrauded our marriage of everything. Feeling sorry for myself isn’t an option as I just feel that absolute disgust and shame at who I am. I am a compulsive gambler and as of now, I have been free from gambling for 9 hours and I honestly want to stop. At the moment, I am working as a live in carer, in the middle of the country and as I even sold my car to gamble, have no transport to take me to meetings in the nearest town. I work from 8am to 8pm 7 days a week and have already gambled half of my wages for the 9 weeks i have been here. Just even seeing this written down has helped me because I won’t hide away any more. I want to fight these demons and overcome them and become a person with some self respect. Thank you and I wish everyone, every good wish in the world to achieve what we all want to achieve, that is to remain gambling free. Blessings

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[kathryn]

Just wanted to welcome you to the community.
I am just heading out but wanted to reply and let you know I have read your post.
I’m happy you have found this site, if you use the tools suggested here you can stop gambling and start living.
I will return…..
Take care
K xxx

[kathryn]

Ok, question……if you have no car to get to meetings, how are you getting to the venue to gamble? Or are you gambling online?
The only person, in the end, who can help you is you.
I know, for me, that barriers are my best defence. This isn’t form everyone, but when I came her broken and desperate, I took every piece of advice I could. It has worked so far. Ive had a few small slips but the last 8 years for me have been
so so much better. Life isn’t perfect by any means but I am living, and gambling is no longer eating me alive.
So, in saying all that, back to barriers.
My personal saviour is exclusion. Can you self exclude from the gambling venues you go to? Or, if you are gambling online, you can purchase a blocker to stop access to gambling sites.
Do you have someone close to you (I know your husband isn’t well) that could help you with your financial situation? You could perhaps set up debit payments and have a small amount for things you need every day? Being accountable for what you spend can really be a great barrier.
Lastly, use this forum if you cant get to GA. Read read read and post post post!!! I did. Take on board what others have learnt and put them into practice.
This addiction has had you by the throat for a long time. I know how hard it is to stop. But you can, you really can!!!!
I look forward to hearing more from you.
Take care, Love K xx

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