[Saluk]

Hi there,

My name is S and im a gambling addict..

Ive been gambling for many years now am 32 years old and started gambling when i was 18, started off on fruit machines in the local pub and it snowballed from there really, poker, bookies, online and so on and so on…

My gambling has forced me into a lot of debt over the years and it seems like i have been paying this off for most of my life… My debts totalled £45k a few years ago i had a bad session just after my 30th birthday on the online slots and i lost £7k in an evening… This broke me as i was barely getting by and was working 2 jobs to make ends meet, i vowed after this enough is enough..

The last few years i have been fairly good the odd gamble here and there but nothing major, as i installed betfilter on my laptop so this helped a lot however i have since discovered smartphone betting…

I had around £35k debt at the start of the year when i fancied playing some slots in february online, usual happened started off small bet spins until i was upto £100 a spin, i was up and down a lot but managed to win £17.5k profit, i lost £2.5k of that and then the casino i was playing on closed my account using a term and condition they had saying they could close an account without reason, my winnings were returned to me..

I think this is probably a blessing in disguise when you read the next part.

So didnt gamble for a few months looking at £20k debt a lot better now until 2 weeks ago i had the urge again, found a new online slot site ( one i hadnt self excluded from ) and proceeded to play my usual small bets upto £200 a spin…

I first deposited €10 then €20 then €30 then €50 from my debit card account lost it all, deposited various small amount getting bigger to a total of €3k from a credit card and ended up with a €12 k balance, withdrew €5k and left it as that for the day, next night back on it, my €7k balance down to €1k but then upto €18k and then i lost it all….. I felt sick didnt know what to do pondered for a couple of hours, work nights so this was a night off so 3am when this happened, i told myself i still had €2k profit from this site so loaded up another €1k lost it, loaded up another €1k and then i hit my biggest win ever win €27k in one spin on guns and roses slot on the bonus €200 spin, doubled the cash meter and thin had the encore spins as well…. Wow i was in a state of shock..

I couldnt sleep the rest of that night my dreams had come true and i would finally be debt free… I withdrew another €5ks worth as max i could do in a single transaction then another €3.75k the next morning, went to work and sat down at my spreadsheet of my fincances i keep and worked it all out that i was sorted, my car is on its last legs so could sort that, get a new laptop and have £700 odd a month disposable income lovely…

Came home from work that friday morning sat down in the spare room as my partner was still asleep loaded up the site had a balance of €18250, well i thought im so up i will treat myself and spend the 250 on €1 spins….. Maybe i could win a couple hundred more…. Big mistake…. 🙁

The usual happened lost a like a hundred upped the bets started chasing that small loss until my spin size was back at €200 a go, i proceeded to lose it all, i was heartbroken, i then redeposited another €5k from my credit card, and managed to get my balance back upto €22k, but by then i wasnt thinking straight and didnt realise i was pretty much where i started again… Lost the €22k and deposited another €3k lost it…

In all i lost everything i won…. And more as because i was using my credit card i had charges and because it was in euros on this site there were currency charges..

I felt sick to my core, crying, devastated, felt like i couldnt go on anymore debated suicide but i could never do that, i couldnt go to work that night called in sick for the week, not being able to sleep, and broke down that night in bed to my partner, couldnt tell her the story of what happened, she knows i have debts but just told her i was upset at my debt and how i felt like it would never go, could never tell her i did that she would leave me she is very supportive with me and my debt though… But has always thought it was around £15-£20k max….

So for the past two weeks i have been trying to get over this, blew £22k in winnings in 2 hours, back in debt, have now had to consolidate all my credit card debts into a new loan, interest rates on cards were rising from 0% soon and the interest on the gambling credit card would be terrible, so now im back down to having £200 odd a month to my name, a new loan which is costing me £480 a month for the next 5 years and im not sure im going to get over this….

No new car, wedding plans and children on hold which concerns me as im getting older, having to look for a 2nd job again to get some extra money which will be hard as my main job is nights and is very tiring….

I have cut up all my credit cards and closed them all ( i had about £46k available on 6 credit cards )

Its constantly on my mind, im depressed angry at myself, angry at why i couldnt just wait literally a few days to take the money out, i could only withdraw back to my credit card casino told me so was being carefull and only doing €5k at a time as i didnt want my credit card to be in too much credit as they can freeze your account so was doing balance transfers the same time as the withdrawels were coming in, although i could make as many €5k withdrawels as i liked but didnt want a £22k credit, so im angry with the casino as well who wouldnt let me do a bank transfer and also wouldnt let me withdraw to my debit card which my first deposit was made with because i won the winnings on my credit card deposits even though both visa cards ( good stalling tactics the casinos have to keep your money in account to spend i have found over the years )

So yeah thats it really fuming with myself…

This has to stop now i cant deal with it emotionally anymore gambling has ruined my life, and im scared if i dont i will be too old to enjoy the finer things in life like having a family, i have taken steps with canceling my cards and my loan is my only debt i have, im thinking about getting a notice savings account so any money i have i can put in there so i cant touch it, but its going to be a long 5 years from now to where i could have been today hindsight hey… Someone needs to bring out a gambling blocker for ios asap….

Sorry for the essay but had to tell someone about it too much to keep bottled up its driving me crazy… I know things could be a lot worse but still… Up again tonight cant sleep, and its the first thing i remember when i wake up…

S

[theone12221]

Hey S, can totally relate to your story. The ups, the downs, winning big and then blowing it all. Although my vice isn’t the slots, the patterns are undoubtedly the same.

It’s not going to be easy going cold turkey but if you haven’t already done so you should try self-excluding and installing a blocker. I believe Betfilter works on ios. Take it one day at a time, the feelings of anxiety and regret will lessen over time. Good luck.

[C_Noel]

Like we all will say, this is a step in the right direction. Seeking help. I can relate to the rollercoaster of emotions and then realizing once we’ve self-destructed, why in the world do we think it was worth it? I guess it’s all part of the addiction. We know what it takes to kick the habit but why can’t we just do it? I’ve recently handed over my finances for someone to manage. I would highly suggest it. Where there is no access to money to gamble, we can hope to feel better eventually.

I will say from personal experience that I have taken a step forward and two steps back for years now. I’m sinking further and further but now I’ve got to see the light. We are all in this together.

[Saluk]

Hey there Guys,

So just an update, not going to lie have gambled again since my last post opened up 2 different accounts and then lost around £450, scary thing was i wasnt even bothered about it just felt good to take my mind off things, that was the last available money i had…

I have now found a 2nd job which i am going to start on Monday for an additional 4 hours a day and this extra money will compensate and give me my desired disposable income i wanted to have and would of had if i hadnt of had my huge loss..

The problem is im finding it hard to get my head around doing this job, it will be hard work straight after a night shift will be killer and tiring, and minimum wage, its difficult to get my head around as i would have to do this extra job for 5 years to make the same amount of money i lost in 2 hours… Its mind blowing…

Have opened a notice savings account now so will not be able to touch any money saved, and am considering swapping my iphone for a samsung so i can get a betting filter for mobile as betfilters ios seems to be taking an age to be released… Am hoping to get my car i wanted also on finance of course, will hopefully take the sting out of working all these extra hours when i can see something im working to pay off…

No more suicidal thoughts, but many depressing days and nights thinking about it all and where i could have been etc etc… Could be worse, could be a lot better, first loan payment has come out only another 59 to go 🙁 i have been finding myself playing slots online for free though using the fake money games playing through £5k on max bets a lot which is worrying, i have no access to any funds currently, no credit other than my loan and hopefully with my savings account this should stop me…

S

[charles]

Hi Saluk,

Will the 2 jobs and your repayment plan be sustainable over 4 years? Maybe get some proper financial advice from either The Citizens Advice Bureau or Stepchange.

You aren’t alone with this problem and have a lot of help available to you. Post here more often, maybe get to Gamblers Anonymous meetigns, talk to Gamcare etc

I would avoid those “free slots”, theya re there for one reason alone – to tempt people to play for real.

How else could you fill your gamble free time? What positive steps can you take?

Keep posting

[Author]

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