[I_am_sherlocked]

Hi everyone,
This is my first post on here, and hopefully my first steps towards stopping online gambling.

Here’s a bit of background to why I’m posting on here:
My problem is with online gambling, I work in a bookies so machines have never appealed to me. Ironic as they work the same as online slots.

A year or so ago I won £30000. I literally was over the moon. I spent a fair chunk of it on holidays, cars, paying off debts, helping family, but I got greedy, I wanted more, as well as having a distraction from my problems.

That feeling lead to my spending steadily increasing from £50 a month to £300 a week over the summer. On my lowest night I spent £2000 of my own money after chasing £2000 that I had won and lost.
I started lying about how much money i was spending, about how much I had left
I reckon I spent £9000 of my own money plus maybe £4000 on what I won from increased spending.
So I lost probably more likely around £13000.

Now I have little money left, I am utterly humilated and disgusted with myself. Yet I still spend what I can when I can chasing the jackpot again. To get back what I lost.

I confided in my sister and told my partner what I had done in September. I got a massive reality check that I needed. There were arguments, tears and my relationship nearly ended. And for a month or so I stopped gambling. But since that conversation I have probably spent £1500 (over 4/5 months).

My gambling has got less and less. But I want it to stop entirely.

Last night, I spent £100. Not as much as I used to. But the most I’ve spent in a while. And I can feel myself getting back into that bad cycle.
I think something finally clicked in my head last night, as I could feel myself wanting to put one more £20 on. Enough is enough and something has to change. And that is me.

So I wanted to do something proactive and hopefully therapeutic. And if I can help others overcome their problem at the same time as my own, well that would be gravy.
My main goal is I want to start saving again, and actually have money in my bank. I’m hoping to start saving £300 a month. What I used to spend a week.

Here’s to day 1 of no more gambling. I really hope this lasts.

I will try to update every day, for my sanity haha.

Thanks,
AP

[vera]

Well done on your first post. I can relate to everything you have written. Your account sums up the reality of gambling and the true nature of the compulsive gambler.
In the beginning it feels like fun. Then the fun turns to a buzz and the buzz becomes a compulsion. I agree that this compulsion is based on avarice . The more we win, the more we expect to win. When we lose, we become desperate to win it all back. The cycle is endless until we stop.
A Compulsive Gambler thinks he/she LOVES to gamble but the reality is he HAS to gamble. It comes to a stage where we cannot function without placing a bet. That is why gambling is described as a progressive disease. It is only when I realized that I would NEVER win , that I called a halt to the madness.
Best wishes with your plans. After I lost a large sum of money, I was advised by a member on GT to put a Plan in place. I have been working on saving a set amount each month to restore that loss. In conjunction with my savings plan, I repay my debt. Recovery is all about balance. Trying to wipe out debt and restore losses at a fast pace will set a CG back to square one.
Stay focused.
Keep posting.
Welcome to GT.

[maverick.]

I am Sherlocked, just wanted to drop in and say well done for sharing, I am sure you have read many posts on here and discovered you are far from alone, Vera’s post sums it up to a tee “endless cycle” we just have to stop the cycle (easier said than do at times I know), anyway just wanted to wish you all the very best and keep sharing, take care and enjoy the weekend.

Maverick

[I_am_sherlocked]

Thank guys for the comments. It is nice in a weird way to know I’m not the only one that is going through this. And it’s not just a problem with me. And yeah reading through the blogs of some of the people that have managed to get to a year without gambling has been very inspiring.

So update for day 2.
Work has kept me pretty busy today. Absolutely devastated about the horse Many Clouds passing away.

Anyway being at work bizarrely I have zero temptation to go online and gamble. It’s at home, when I’m bored and have no university work to do that the cycle begins. I think £10 won’t hurt me or my bank balance. But ultimately that £10 turns into £20 and that £20 turns into £40 and the cycle goes on.

So far at home, I’ve had my temptation to go and put money online. But I closed all my accounts and I hate going through the sign up process so hopefully this should keep me from doing anything that 12 hours from now I’ll regret.

I swear everyday my mind drifts to the amount I had and lost. And it makes me sad and disappointed in myself.

My goal as I said is to start saving as I want a deposit for a house. And I know that also means having “clean” bank statements. Has anyone had any problems getting a mortage because of past gambling activities?

Thanks for the support, it means a lot.
Again I’ll try post tomorrow for my sanity.
And I hope everyone on here manages to keep going with this too.

Thanks,
AP

[I_am_sherlocked]

Today has gone by quickly. Not many temptations at home today. Thankfully kept myself preoccupied. Though I have to admit after my post yesterday I was so so so tempted to gamble. However I didn’t.

I just watched my partner play slots instead. I advised him not to be stupid and I monitored. In an odd way it helped me as I was looking at him play. Advising him not to put anymore money on was cathartic.

Tonight I occupied myself with game of thrones theories and started to rewatch it from season 1.

Today felt like a good day. Though I’m thoroughly expecting a bad day towards the week mark.

I will post again tomorrow as this definitely feels like it helps.

Thanks 🙂

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi Sherlocked,

Well done on looking for help.

I would advice against watching your boyfriend play. Sooner or later you will be watching him win/have luck etc and you are just teasing the addiction. Would he agree to not gamble when you are there? Better yet if he stopped gambling at home you could then install a blocker so that you can’t be tempted at all to gamble online.

Why are you expecting the week mark will be hard? Is it payday? Or a usual gambling day? Whatever reason use your awareness/knowledge that it will be a vulnerable time for you. Have extra barriers in place, have plans to fill your time and thoughts with non gambling activities.

keep posting.

[I_am_sherlocked]

Hi thanks for the comments. Well the week mark is usually when I get an itch to play whenever I’ve tried to stop gambling before. But I’m feeling more optimistic about it now I’m up to day 5. So that’s mainly why I feel the week mark will be hardest. But as I said, I’m feeling fairly confident at this point I will be okay.

Yeah, I suggested that to my boyfriend and he agreed to stop gambling around me . I have gambling blocker on my laptop and phone. So no chance of me gambling online. I made my sister set a password that I wouldn’t know.

On that note, I have been busy with university and work. So keeping myself very occupied atm, why it has taken me 2 days to post an update and if I’m being completely honest, I haven’t thought about trying to go online and gamble. It has been a good few days.

I will be at work and university a lot the rest of the week so by the time the evening rolls around I will be too tired to do anything but wind down with an episode of GoT.

Thanks for comments again 🙂

[I_am_sherlocked]

Hi all,
I made it up to day 8 without gambling. Then last night I slipped up and spent £80 online. I have a rough few days and needed an escape from reality, only now I realise I should have controlled myself. The only positive I can take away from this is I wanted to put more on. But I didn’t. I got fed up of it.

Up until last night when I was sat all alone for the first time in years , I was doing ok, even after I received bad news last Wednesday. I still didn’t want to. But last night I had a moment where I just needed to get out my own head. And obviously my vice was there.

I feel like I’ve cheated myself and now am back to where I started last week. I’m closing all my accounts today.
I don’t want the temptation. Even getting gambling websites blocked on my phone internet and wifi.

I really feel hopeless and ashamed of myself today. I need to try harder.
Thanks

[micky]

Hi Sherlocked don’t beat yourself up it’s a lapse thats all, brush yourself down and go again, unfortunately the temptation will always be there but you can put things into place to reject the temptation.

[I_am_sherlocked]

4 days without gambling again. But I’m still in a bad place from a bad week. I guess that’s the only positive.

I’m struggling to keep up with this everyday

[micky]

Day 4 great well done, everyone struggles with this addiction keep doing what works for you and you will beat it, being in recovery has no time limit for addicts it really is forever . Take life one day at a time it does work 🙂

[Author]

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