[glovecoach]

Hi All,
Last night I became a new member to this site and posted a short message about my financial problems.  Tonight, I would like to share my history.  Here It goes!
My name is Ted, and I have been gambling for 20 years.  I am 41 years old, I have a great wife who deserves better.  Together, we have six children, three boys and three girls.  They range from 17 to 2 years old.  My wife and I have good jobs and bring home better than average paychecks.
I live in a rural area where casinos and sportsbooks are not available.  I dont gamble every day, never have.  I spend quality time with my family doing various hobbies like sports, outdoor activities, and anything else the kids are involved in.
So, how has gambling ruined my life?  These type of things don’t happen to a well educated family man, do they?  Unfortunately, it has happened to me.  Like I stated earlier, I don’t gamble every day.  Sometimes I will go months without a trip to a casino. The problem is, when I make those trips they cost me thousands.  I have used credit cards to finance my gambling from the beginning.  I am now over 80 thousand in debt to credit card companies, and I can’t pay the bills.  $2,500 a month to just make mininum payments has put my family in financial ruin. I feel worthless, and many times I have considered suicide as an option to get out of the mess I have created.  The only thing stopping me is the pain I would leave behind in the form of the damage I would leave my kids.  I really don’t care if I live another day, but can I leave my kids with the life long memory of their dad doing such a thing?  I have hid this sickness from my family from day one.  Although my wife accompaines me on these occansional trips to the casinos, she has no idea the mess we are in.  How do I tell her?  The thought of loosing my wife and my kids keeps me from being honest about our situation.  I hate the man I have become, and this sickness has caused me to loose any respect for myself.  I can’t sleep at night, and when I finally do fall asleep, I awaken in sweat thinking about the mess I am in.  It’s the first thing I think about in the morning, and don’t stop thinking about it all day.  It has consumed every part of my life.
I have always been an obessive person.  Whatever I do, I have to do it with perfection.  I work hard at my job, my family, and anything else that I commit to do.  I guess that is the problem I have had with gambling.  It’s all or nothing!  Winning a little isn’t good enough.  I have to do it bigger and better than anyone else.  Now look at me!  I am worthless, no good, and my family deserves better.  There has to be a way out.  I think about dying more than I think about living.  Accidents happen, right?  That wouldn’t be so bad for my family, would it?  They could live with a tragedy, but not with a sucide.  Heck, they might even get sympathy from others if a tragic accident would happen.  Life insurance would get them the financial security that I will never be able to give them.
I have turned to you, those that have walked in my shoes, to give me the help that I need.  This is my last effort to try to find a solution for my problem.  Where do i go from here?  I adore my wife and kids, but they didn’t choose to be involved with the man I have become.  I don’t deserve to live with the man I have become.  There are no support groups where I live.  I am three hours from the nearest support group, and that doesn’t seem to be an option.  I want to change, but have I passed the point of no return?  By coming out, the stigma I would place on my family would be more than they deserve to go through.  Please help me, I don’t know where to turn!

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