[dee46]

I started gambling about 9 or 10 years ago can’t even remember anymore, as life becomes a big jumbled mess for me while in action. My story is no differant then anyone elses as i read the posts. Started as a relaxing night out and just eventually spiraled out of control as the bets got bigger so did the loses. Then began chasing the loses, then it wasn’t even money to me anymore it was just the adrenaline rush. Then I just got to the point where I just lived to plan my next trip to the casino. I couldn’t even think of any other things i enjoyed but playing a slot machine. I can remember watching TV and looking at advertisments for new movies coming out to the theater and saying to myself I would like to see that movie. Well when the weekend rolled around instead of going to see the movie and spending money on a ticket,popcorn, and boy having to sit in that seat for two hours just staring at a screen seemed so boring. Well I might as well go to the casino and spend 50 times as much and sit in a chair for 15 hours staring at a screen, WOW that makes alot of sense!!!!!! and lord knows the guilt afterwards. Funny i never had guilt coming home from a movie even if i didn’t like the movie. The thinking of a CG still amazes me. I have only been gamble free for almost a month now. But in this past month I have been in a treatment center that i left after 4 days as I just ******* handle it literally thought i was gonna go crazy in their. One good thing i did before I went into treatment was ban myself from my local casino. Had to change my bank account as the facility i was in was trying to take alot of money out of my account. But glad i did change it as I now have no debit card, I also shredded all credit cards..But since being home I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, I don’t know why I have no urges to gamble. I think it just because i have a full plate i’m so overwhelmed with emotions i just feel well actually i don’t feel nothing and that is scary for me. I’m so not happy in my life right now and I have alot of big decisions to make soon and am afraid im going to regret them later. But I know what I’m doing right now is not working for me. Well I guess my journey begins will post again soon. Thanks for listening to my rambling.Sometimes when I write I feel as if I’m all over the place as my head is not where it should be. Hopefully some can make sense of this post..
Have a great GF day
Dee46

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