[whydididothat]

I’ve been coming to this forum for some time now to read various posts and get an idea of what other members are going through; the heartache, loss and struggle of trying to pick up the pieces after too much has been lost – over and over again – and in many of these horror stories, I see my own. I am battling an online slots addiction – I always set spending limits I never keep, wager larger amounts than I plan to, and reverse withdrawals instead of waiting for pay outs. At first, my gaming activity was mostly harmless – I’d make a small deposit every week or two, and I’d set a loss limit which was less than the full deposit. I would cash out, collect the money, and maybe play again a week later. It was mostly casual fun, the money element made it a little more exciting, but I’d bet only what I could afford and never expected to win.
I don’t know where things went wrong, but I started depositing more and more often, leveraging money from my savings account to patch up increasing credit debt when I already had debt that needed to be paid down. I began to feel I had a problem and continued depositing large amounts for the exact purpose of proving to myself I could exercise some control and make those withdrawals again like I did on my first few sessions.. But no matter how many times I’d multiply my winnings, I’ve been playing them back until the last dollar is gone. It felt so bad knowing I’m losing paycheck after paycheck, but even with all the pain and anxiety, I just keep coming back.
I know there are people in worse situations than myself here, and I truly feel for each of you when I read your stories. I worry my situation will worsen and fear that I may slip up again in another moment of weakness. I hope that your all find the courage to carry on, live in a forward-thinking mindset, and enlist others(like those in this forum) to offer you words of encouragement and guidance. I wish you all the best on your journeys and struggles. As my personal struggle with gambling has now become greater, I am going to try my hardest to slow the bleeding, and my first step is this post.

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