[Hopeful one]

Hi,
Firstly I want to express my full commitment to Gordon Moody and thank them for giving me a place on their course. My life has become unmanageable and I am currently sleeping rough in Brighton.
I started gambling I suppose at the age of 8 when I played cards for pennies with my foster parents. I was put into care at the age of 5 along with my twin brother after my mother, who suffers from schizophrenia, had a nervous breakdown. My father was a compulsive gambler too and he died at the young age of 51 when I was 19. I spent most of my childhood in care and left when I was 17 to become independent.
I realised that I might have a problem with gambling when I hit 30. I had started spending the whole day in the bookmakers after getting paid and was broke a few days after having to get through the rest of the month with next to nothing. I went to a GA meeting but couldn’t relate to the other guys there. I convinced myself that I wasn’t that bad. I have been trying and failing to stop since and hit 40 last October. Alongside my gambling addiction, I also suffer from depression and feel that my low moods contribute to my relapses. I have decided that I will speak to the mental health team when I get to Dudley. I have been on anti-depressants for the last 15 years but as I get older I feel it’s harder to cope with life and especially holding down a job.
I cannot hold onto money anymore and feel a compulsion that builds and builds until I give in. For the past month I have spent all my benefits on the first two days on clothes, debts so that I don’t waste it gambling. Saying that, I have treated myself to the odd placepot which has lost. I admit, I am a terrible gambler!
I accept that the only way forward is never to gamble again but as there are so many temptations, places to bet and in-built thoughts related to gambling I find this close to impossible. I need to re-program my mind somehow? Because of my addiction, I have become very isolated and have struggled to form close relationships. I have pushed my family and friends away so I can concentrate on my next bet. I find gambling my most pleasurable thing but even when I win I cannot stop and ultimately end up losing everything. Now I don’t even have a roof over my head.
I have tried to end my life on a couple of occasions and feel suicidal if I accept that I cannot beat this. But this spurs me on to doing well at Gordon Moody. The fact is that people do stop and I wish to be one of them. Maybe I could help other people in our situation in the future?
Sorry for rambling. Nice to meet you guys.

[i-did-it]

Hi Hopeful. You are very welcome and that was a great and honest opening post . You are right ! People can stop and do stop. I stopped!
I wish there was an instant solution. My stopping coincided with a major bully leaving my life. In fact I shut off all people who made me feel less good about myself and that included those who did it openly and those who did it under the guise of “helping”, “supporting” and “challenging” me. I never attended GA. I could imagine nothing worse for me . BUt I stopped and stayed stopped .

I Believe GM house will be exactly what you need . I hope you get a chance to move on from your unstable childhood and realise that you are as valuable as any other human on this planet . There is not a single person worth more than you .

YOu say you can’t hold on to money – well spend it . Spend it on you . What this did for me was it trained my brain to realise that I was worth spending money on and that money can be enjoyed in other ways. Buy yourself a nice meal or a new warm coat . Or even big thick snuggly socks . U will be no worse off than when you gamble it !

I have never been homeless and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. I find myself wondering if you are replicating your childhood in a way when your home was taken from you because of your mothers illness .

I truly believe you will stop gambling . I predict you will go in to do great things and discover that life can be beautiful for you.
You deserve the very best in life . You have a lot to offer . You are for example a very good writer . Please believe that you deserve a home and a happy life .
Here’s a link I liked . It reminded me of your story a little .

http://m.cambridge-news.co.uk/quit-gambling-got-life/story-22751348-detail/story.html

[velvet]

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Hello Hopeful and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Hopeful one]

Hello and thank you for your kind reply. It inspires me when I hear that you are doing so well. Thank you also for the link. I will re-read that many times I’m sure. I just can’t wait to get started at Gordon Moody.
Take care.

[Hopeful one]

I think my main trigger is my low moods. I have suffered from depression since I was 11 and I doubt it will never leave me. When I am really down I immediately think of putting a bet on. Is it my way of self-medicating? My mood is then concentrated on the excitement of the bet. I ‘ve always been a dreamer which may be one of the reasons why I gamble and then I’m thinking of how I’m going to spend the money if I win. Of course, 99/100 I lose and then feel as bad if not worse. It’s a vicious circle that I want to break.

[Author]

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