[marcus85]

I’m so tired,I really am, feel so worn out mentally..like i’m in another place in my head, not attached to the real life around me..just in a bubble of numbers and ups and downs. I’ve been and still is but to a lesser extent unconcsious of what I do. I’ve been neglecting things..im a student, im reading too little..because im so preoccupied with trading the stock market..i earned a lot in the stock market some months ago, now most of it is gone..ok, im not in a rock bottom i guess if we talk about the money, but im very, very ill and im neglecting my LIFE. Not only money is lost the last months, but time. And time is priceless. Time and effectiveness, God knows how many hours ive stared at the screen at the moving stock prices. God knows allt the thrills of the ups and the despair of the downs. The despair is the worst. But hey, even if i gain a lot of money im still a loser. I lose too much time, missing out on life and what life really has to offer. So even if i get to be a millionaire and keep doing what im doing, which eventually probably will make me lose it all again, i will still be a loser..
Dont get me wrong, theres a reason why im doing it, gambling. One can earn A LOT of money in the financial markets, its just a few clicks away. And i did, some months ago i earned approximately 15000 pounds worth of money. And im a student! Now, most of it is gone..because my reckless trading eroded it away..not to say all the time i spent on it, and all the emotional ups and downs make me unstable. A compulsive gambler told me once that we dont stop when we win because nothing is enough..it’s true, when i was at my highest peak of gain, not once did i seriously consider taking the lot and run. Thats sick, and i knew i could lose A LOT of it if i continues. And i dont know if i had been able too.
I really want to stop, because its simply not worth it. But its so hard..ive tried so many times to stop gambling, but its like i cant live without it, it’s come this far. It’s a habit thats been so implemented in my life, it’s like it’s some kind of air for my body. I need to reach that full awareness of it, but its so painful…
I need some support and advice, i hope some of you experienced can give me some.
 
Marcus.
 Time to get conscious

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