[chez]

I am a female compulsive gambler. I gamble once every few weeks loosing approx 3,000 every time. I am responsible for my sick mothers income and have spent her £85,000 life savings and am maxed out with my credit cards and bank loans too. I am £100,000 in debt and want to kill myself. I cannot cope anymore. I cannot tell anyone about this. I have had counselling for gambling, tried hypnotherapy everything. I am under pressure to keep my (fairly low paid) job and have work exams tomorrow. Im in a probation time at my work as its a new job. Instead of spending the time revising I have been gambling. My daughters partner has a gambling problem, she has two small kids and tells me all the awful gambling stories about what hes done. All the while I am comforting her. I’m sick in the head I swear. I keep thinking about being better off dead as I would be out of this misery, but I keep seeing my grandchildrens and daughters face in front of my eyes. Thats the only thing stopping me but its such a fine line. I am due to go to work now and I sit here writing this. I didn’t even have a shower before going to work yesterday, and am too late to have one today. I’ve had no sleep as per usual, just can’t imagine how I am going to pay off my cards and debts. Im overdrawn at the bank and don’t even know what im going to do. Please don’t tell me that I must tell a family member. This is not an option for me. Please help me feel better. I can’t stop crying. God help me

[velvet]

Hi Chez
I wouldn’t tell you to tell a family member because whatever you do must come from you. What I can tell you is that you are in the right place coming here and you are not alone.
I appreciate you have tried counselling and hypnotherapy but until now you have not tried this site so I hope you will keep posting because there are so many who understand you and who will support you.
If I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble could not be controlled I would not be writing to you. You are a unique person Chez and you have an important role to fulfill in your family, you are supporting your daughter but you have recognised that you also need support which is the first step towards being gamble-free so well done. I will look out for you.
Velvet

[i-did-it]

Chez , I do believe we are sick in that we have an illness – like many illnesses however it can be controlled.
Is there GA near you ? Where do gamble ? Can you cut off access ? Even after a few days gamble free your hear will start to clear and you will be able to face things and think clearer . I think it would be a good idea to contact a debt advice charity to get help with your debts – there is always away to sort them. I hope this helps a little . I hope to see him a support group.

[vera]

Hi Chez and welcome to GT.
Knowing you are not alone and that help IS available will not solve your immediate problem, but it will give you some consolation for a start. Many here have been in similar situations to your own and with support and advice people do come out at the other end, relieved but never cured, improved but never unscathed.
Gambling is a ruthless, progressive disease that creeps up on us so fast that we feel we are waking up from the most horrible nightmare, which is sadly reality for a CG (Compulsive Gambler). Gambling will take everything.
I came to GT in 2008. If I had been wise/humble/sensible enough to follow the advice I was given then, I would be debt free now. Sadly, I tried to pick and choose and dip in and out of gambling . It took me until the end of 2015 to “wise up”. In the meantime I had lost a six figure sum which I will be repaying for many years to come. I lost my pride, my confidence, my self worth, my value on friendship, family relations, my sleep and eventually my health gave way. Long story short, I had to retire on Disability Pension but by God’s Grace (and a lot of negotiating on my part) I was granted a fairly substantial Retirement sum and what do you know, I gambled it….
Gambling is the one addiction that destroys normal people and brings us to a place which must be next door to Hell.
The good news is there is HOPE. There is HELP. There is a better life ahead. There are no magic wands. My advice to you tonight is to forget everything. Don’t look back. Don’t even look forward. If you have faith in God, look up. In GA there is a lot of talk about a Higher Power. CGs have different outlooks, different beliefs, different experiences but I have heard tough guys in GA saying they don’t know how the programme works but they know it does.
The motto here Chez is to use the support you get . Don’t reject this chance. Post often. Read other threads. Reach out for all the help that is available and
Just for TODAY do not gamble.
I wish you all the best in your new life.
Well done on taking the first step.
Never lose hope.
You are not alone.

[Author]

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