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Hi I doubt any one will remember me. I was here back in 2015 or around then. And I feel awkward and strange writing this but what choice do I have. Not allot I think.
Oh and if anyone does remember me I hope your all doing good.
Its been a strange 2 years. Much has happened. I traveled to many places. Kept my gambling at bay, started a new business and have another “starting” or it should be.
And finally after everything I messed it all up again. The past few weeks I have blown an obscene amount of money. Everything gone. And here I was thinking I had nailed this. Im not angry, im not anything right now. Just numb. And now I have a huge hole I need to dig myself out of.
Im not gonna bother speaking about day 1 – as to me personally it means nothing. I have had so many day 1s, it is laughable. I either gamble or I dont. There is no inbetween. I have to raise a ridiculous amount of money within 4 days. Even if I work 20 hours a day the next 4 days I know I probably wont do it.
I can remember 2 years ago being here and feeling safe. The kindest and the support shared from others. Then I dropped away. I thought I was “cured” … what an arrogant person I am.
Right now I dont quite know where I go from here. Everything now is at risk – the problems are huge. I have invested time and money in a business but as example if you can picture a house half built, and to make it work it needs to be complete, then you run out of capital … and so the house remains half done, and starts to rot in the weather as it has no roof … well you can get the picture of some of what I am facing.
Not looking for pity. Nor answers really. There is much that has happened … Im just typing this here because basically its the only place I can really talk about “me” …
Its a dis-jointed message … I am even nervous to hit the save button. Tomorrow I will brush my self down no doubt. Begin fighting back but you know what I am just so tired of it. Seems the one thing I am an absolute expert in is in how to totally screw up my own life and make Failure an Art.
So this is me …. Dino …. (ignore my username its just a fiction)
And the sewer which is my life.
D.
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Hi Dino
I remember you and I am glad that you knew you could come back here and find support.
I’m really pleased you hit the ‘save’ button because it means that while you are brushing yourself down will know you are among friends who care.
You have been doing well and all that gamble-free time will not be wasted – you know how good you felt and it is within your grasp to feel it again.
One day at a time
Velvet -
I remember you John.
Well done on returning.
Day 1s are very familiar to many of us .
You have done it before and you can again. -
Yes i remember you.. cant tell you how many day 1’s i have had. This addiction is constant.. we can have days away from it but its always there, thats why people go to GA for years and years because the addiction doesnt actually go away so neither should the support.
Its easy to get lulled into a false sense of security in recovery especially when having some time up. It doesnt matter what day it is, it matters that we dont start again. Once we start we cant stop.. i see we as in its the same for most who have crossed the line.. they are the ones im talking about including myself.
You are spot on.. gamble or dont gamble, there absolutely is no grey area or in-between.. but once started it is incredibly hard to stop again, but you can.
You will stop again, you have before and you coming back here is testament to that. Dont think of day one just continue on now and you have experienced a pothole in your recovery.. i find day counting detrimental for the reason if there is a relapse it often is so devastating to the person to say day one again, it doesnt wipe away all the gamble free time you had and learnt.. recovery continues..
The important thing now is to stop again and continue support.. you can do this.. we all can with support.P
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I will never forget you Dino!
You gave me support beyond belief when I was at a very low ebb.
I often wondered what became of you.
I am so sorry to hear things went belly up again but unfortunately that’s the fate of a CG.
It always ends in tears.
Knowing that you CAN pick up the pieces and move on is a help but I know that’s not much consolation tonight.
Back to the drawing board, Dino.
You did well to come back to GT.
One day at a time…. -
Hi Dino, i remember you i hope your keeping okay and are fighting back you/we all deserve a better life.
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Hi Dino. there is one piece of good news – you KNOW you can stop gambling. You stopped wheny ou were here before, you can stop again. back to basics ans do the things that helped you then.
This time though the important thing will be to remember that if we need support to stop gambling then it is also important to keep using support to maintain recovery. Keep using, look at other support options as well.
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Dear John,
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
I remember there were many days in my life when it was all dark and scary, I was afraid, helpless and hopeless.
I will never forget how taking the first step forward, a very small baby step each time help me move on in life.
You will find the light, the truth and the way. There is hope! -
Chapter 1
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I fall in.
I am lost. I am hopeless, It take forever to find a way out.Chapter 2
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I pretend I dun see it, I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place but I believe it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.Chapter 3
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I see it is there, I still fall in, it‘s a habit
I know where I am, It is my fault, I get out immediatelyChapter 4
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.Where are you now?
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A stone cutter may strike the rock 99 times with no apparent effect, not even a crack on the surface. Yet with the hundredth blow, the rock splits in two. It was not the final blow that did the trick, but all that had gone before.
I may pursue a goal for months without obvious results and become convinced that I m wasting my time but if I continue going to meeting , sharing about my struggle, taking it one day at a time, and being patient with myself, I may awaken one day , to find that I have changed, seemingly overnight. I have a gut feel that all these months of faith and hard work will made the changes possible one day and the results would revealed themselves abruptly one day.
It took me a long time to become a addict and it may take a long time for me to recover. I must be patient. -
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Hi DIno .
did u manage to make any money to send to your son.
You were here before and you got your life back on track.
When you make your next lot of money purchase a gambling blocker for your computer – and then work non stop !
It is so hard when the monkey is in your back but maybe read back over your old thread and follow the thought processes from before .
Keep strong -
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The fat cat is the betting houses or bookies. The gambler keep losing and giving their hard earn money to them, this cat grow fat
The skinny cat is the mother, wife and children. The gambler is not giving them enough, this cat grow skinny
The sleeping cat was the gambler. The gambler does not have the awareness to know what is happening around them, this cat is sleeping
We need to wake up
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Wolf Parable
An elder Apache was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them ,”A fight is going on inside me; it is a terrible fight
and it is between two wolves.One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too.”
They thought about it for a minute
and then one child asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”The old Grandpa simply replied, “The one you feed.
Are you feeding your addiction or your recovery?
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In life, many things is uncertain and unpredictable. Like a ship sailing in the sea, sometime it goes a little off course due to strong winds or currents, this is like the living problems we face everyday, it can sometime throw us off our balance, it is perfectly ok to drift from time to time.
It is not the end of the world, but what is more important is the awareness and the ability to recognize and “catch oneself” before it is too late, the willingness to change, refocus and continue to head in the right direction. -
What’s the story, D?
Any progress? -
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Hi John ,
I’m so sorry to read that things are going badly for you .
Bankruptcy sounds terrifying , but also it might give you a fresh start. Some people I have met in group described it as something which they dreaded but which are removed a lot of worry in the end .
I have always been brought up to understand that at the end of our lives we will able to ***** our true friends on one hand – when times are good “friends” are plentiful – this changes quickly! I guess most of us in here have learned that the hard way .You have your son , your own ability to build a business no matter what the circumstance , the debt will soon be removed and even if the authorities see you have a gambling addiction they cannot really do anything about it – It is the very authorities who have made gambling so legal and so accessible .
let it all roll out John and you will be able to start again debt free.
You have your son to show for your life , many hard learned lessons and you are still young enough to do anything.Keep strong !
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I did it is right, we were both in group when a member who went bankrupt shared his story. I am in same position as you with the revenue, and if they care to look through my bank account the whole very sorry story will be revealed. If you have a history of depression and anxiety related to gambling they have to treat you differently. Mine has not gone to bankruptcy yet, it is an old debt from four years ago, and it is still temporarily on hold. Speak to them and admit what has been going on. You,will need support through this and this site has been helpful, go and get counselling, go to GA. the mess we made over years won’t be solved overnight and we will have good and bad days, but there is a way through it. And I know what you mean when you talk about backup plans. I too ran out of backup plans and faced months of destitution. This beast can be defeated one day at a time.
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