[Swissguy]

I am a life long gambler and I must stop. And want to stop. I won’t say it has ruined my life…yet…but it is getting close. My marriage is hanging on by necessity only (there are also infidelity issue of which I am guilty). My wife at this point simply does not care. She is here for the kids and I understand that. Her support is minimal. Financially things are ok, but should be a lot better.

I closed my gambling accounts and now I’m looking for support to help me. GA meetings are not an option as I am living outside the U.S. In a non- English speaking country. So here I am.

Guilt and shame are killing me right now. I truly don’t miss the gambling. The thought of it makes me sick.

Goal of today is to not gamble. And to try to lessen the guilt. In the past the guilt has brought me back to gambling. Can’t let that happen again.

Am I taking the right approach?

[Swissguy]

Thanks for the welcome.

I spent the weekend assessing my current finances and they are not dire, but they could be a lot better. I can’t let this false sense of security to give me the freedom to gamble. I have done this in the past…things get better and I take that as a green light to enjoy my “hobby”. For me this is not a “hobby”; it is poison and I must treat it as such!

[charles]

Hi Swissguy,
As you say, things will get better , the pain will fade and that’s when the urges may return.

That’s why now, while youa re still hurting is the time to put a few things in place.

Where do you gamble? Get yourself excluded. if it is online then you can get a blocker for your PC. The finances aren’t too bad at the moment? great, will your wife help by looking after them? Help you with accountability?

Things are strained between you right now, there is probably no reason for her to belive any words/promises she hears. So show her by your actions how serious you are. Actions like that will both help you stop gambling and may also help start to rebuild thigns trust wise.

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[Swissguy]

Hi Charles! My addiction is betting horses online…..so I have permanently shut down the only two accounts that I use. In the past, I shut them down but only on a temporary basis. Not this time.

As long as I stay busy and engaged with other things I will be fine. It is the times where I am bored and alone that I let my addiction take over. Idle hands are the devils work, right? So true for me.

[charles]

Well done Swissguy, If you do get any thoughts of finding other accounts then remember you can get a blocker for your PC that will stop you visiting any gambling site.

Use your awareness, plan your time.

[lauren05]

Well done for self excluding permanently from those accounts. You have a mind shift when you do that. You’re telling yourself you are not going there anymore and this is for good, for real now.
Yes the devil finds work for idle hands. You have treated this as a hobby as I did and think you’re in control and just having fun. But that is the illusion. You’re not having fun, you’re seriously playing to win only till you lose all cos you can’t walk away.

Find constructive things like going for a walk, potting in the garden or something you enjoy doing to take up this time which was spent with your ‘hobby’. By doing these simple things, we learn to appreciate life and feel normal again and start learning the true value of life, those close to us and money.

But there is always a sense of void, something missing, even lack of acceptance and not being content that led us to gambling in the first place, to give us that high and illusion of being accepted and being in a world where we have power. But money is not power. Wealthy people are unhappy so it does not bring you happiness. You need to find your authentic self that makes you happy, what you enjoyed, what made you laugh and happy before gambling, even when you were young. That was a time when you felt accepted, enjoyed and liked who you were and money did not give you that.

Enjoy the company of friends and family are very comforting and heartwarming but things we have to get used to again after cutting ourselves off in this dark, secret world of ours.

As Charles suggested, plan your time, your days with constructive and simple things that make a difference to help you get out of this hole and stay out.

Stay strong and focused.

All the best.

Lauren

[Swissguy]

Hello everyone! Thank you for your thoughts and support. I’m going on 3 months of not gambling….not one penny! I feel good about that!

However, I am having trouble with anxiety…specifically around my bills and the future. I get very nervous when I am handling bills and dealing with finances—to the point my mortgage was 2 weeks late this month. That has never been an issue before! I just don’t want to be bothered. I have no one I can hand this off too….my wife is scary with money and has been through a bankruptcy prior to our marriage. Is my anxiety ‘normal? Will it disapate?

I am also feeling very guilty….guilty for what I have deprived my family over the years. We are fortunate that we still live a good life, but it could have been better if I did not have this disease. In the long run we will be good, but the short run could be a bit bumpy. And I am stressing over this.

Hope I did not ramble. Thank you for listening and I appreciate all your thoughts.

[Swissguy]

I truly have no urges to gamble. None at all. But, wow, I am having a lot of anxiety with the aftermath. I had a good talk with my wife and she is very supportive….can’t change the past, can only change the future, etc. that certainly helped. Also took a long walk yesterday which was good. I need to stay active and busy…that minimizes the pain.

Apologies for rambling,

[Author]

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