[Bee123]

I am here to seek support for my gambling addiction.
I started gambling around 10 years ago and i would say i turned into an addict within the first year.
I started with going to the casino maybe once a month, which then turned into 5 times a week. When i tried to stop going i turned to machines in the bookies and online slot machines.
I am beginning to understand why i do it (started when my son was very ill in hospital, he passed away 5 years ago). I was very depressed and struggling to cope and gambling became my way of escape. I can zone out when i play the machine’s, but i realise that i am making everything worse.
Whenever i try to stop i am finding depression coming back. I have now made it even worse as i have put us in a lot of debt….i ran up credit cards and took out loans.
I really need to stop as i am spending money as soon as it comes in and leaving us with barely any money for food etc, etc.
I will leave it there for now, but hope to start posting regularly as i begin my journey to taking this addiction seriously and cut it out of my life for good

[velvet]

Hello Bee and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[maverick.]

Bee,

Really well done on sharing and finding this website, please read and post as much as you can, it is frightening how some peoples stories are very similar, keep fighting and keep working hard, this addiction takes everything as I am sure we both well know, I am really sorry to hear of your troubled life and loss, I do understand how you would seek (peace/release) via gambling but it is only a short term fix (as we both also know) and after we have done what we have done the situation is 10 x worse!!!!

Wish you well and keep posting, take care and speak soon.

Maverick

[Bee123]

Well, here i am again, ready for my second day of the battle to kick this horrendous addiction.
Thankyou for replying Mav, i have posted to you on your thread.
Not really sure what to say, do i just waffle about anything and everything?
I really, really want to kick my addiction but have no faith in myself right now, i have failed so many times.
I have banned from land based casino’s which definitely has put a stop to that, but bookies and online is another story. You ban from one and there are hundreds more.
I know i need to get my head in the right place if i am ever going to do this…..i have been on and off anti depressants for a long time now, but always take myself off them after a while as i worry about becoming addicted to them.
I think i have a bit of an addictive personality, what with with drink, cigarrettes, gambling. Oh god, that sounds awful when i write it down…..well actually when i gamble i drink a lot and smoke a lot more than i would normally so there you go.
Well that got a few thoughts down for today.
Will be back again tomorrow or before if i feel the need

[i-did-it]

Hi Bee, I am so sorry to read about your loss. I think for many people gambling addiction can be triggered when we are trying to cope with huge stress. I know for you that there was not a happy resolution to your worries and this pain you must carry with you always .
Have you had grief counselling?Perhaps It is time to speak with someone again. Perhaps it would be helpful to feel listened to and maybe it would help make sense of things in own head . You may have needed an escape for the past number of years but the fact you have come here tells me that you are now ready to face life without using a ‘crutch’ which I think gambling was for you.

You may have an addictive personality – I think most people do – but u do deserve a good life. You are doing really well in stopping gambling – the first days are really hard! An addictive personality can be controlled . I am living proof of that.

You will be amazed at how quickly life get better once you stop gambling . I think sometimes we get so low with gambling we feel we can never climb out – but we can and people to all the time.

Keep working it Bee- day by day, minute by minute. It is so worth sacrificing one thing in your life (gambling ) for all the rewards a gamble free life gives us

[Bee123]

Omg, i’ve done it again….already. I despair of ever being able to do this, it seems impossible. Is it possible??
I want to stop so so bad.
I am going to drive my husband away if i carry on. He gives in to me all the time cos he knows how much i grieve for my boy every day, but this is not fair on him.
i-did-it, thankyou so very much for your post, it bought tears to my eyes.
I tried councelling one time but, found it too difficult at the time. Maybe i should give it another go as i have so much inside that that would probably be better out.
I am ashamed of myself right now for being so weak, but i wanted to be honest or else what’s the point?
God give me strength to get through the next few days and continue the fight…..i feel so tired of it all

[i-did-it]

Bee, you are where each of us have been countless times . You have had two (or nearly two?) full days free this week. That’s a great start.
What can u do now ? Say goodbye to the money and accept t is gone forever . Draw a line in the sand and start again. You will beat this you know – each time you lapse put a new barrier in place . Shut down an account , buy a gambling block for your laptop, attend GA, go to the groups on here – give control of your money to your husband . There are so many small steps you cAn take , that can make this your last fling with gambling .
Do try that counsellor . You maybe need a new way to help you deal with your grief.
You will stop gambling you know . your honesty is brilliant and shows how committed you are to stopping . Hang in there . All is not lost – just some time and money .
What’s gone is gone – let it go and don’t glance back over your shoulder – keep looking forward .
You will beat this.

[Bee123]

I’m hanging in there i-did-it. Love your user name by the way.
No way i’m giving in that easily.
Today has been crap, just want to stay in bed and not face the world, the usual gambling hangover.
Got to get more blocks in place, this is the only thing that can stop me once i get the urge. It’s scary how i can be so determined one minute and the next i’m looking for a new site to gamble on.
Hubby is no help really bless him, he gives into me too easily.
Last night’s blip has caused me to gamble away this months mortgage payment so got to make excuses as to why we are going to be late paying it (so stressful).
Soooo..my plan is to go through all casino sites with the game i like to play, join up and self exclude straight away before hubby gets paid. Tomorrow night we will go to a few bookies about half hour drive away and self exclude from them. I have only been there once or twice, but i know how my mind works and it will tell me to go there if i can’t play online.
Writing this down is helping me already. Feeling a bit more positive again now…phew

[i-did-it]

You know Bee it actually sounds like ur hubby is an amazing help! Why not really open up and tell him how difficult it is for you . Why not ask him to take control of the finances and ask him not to give in to you. Why not tell him having money in the bank and not having this stressful life would truly make you happy. Explain to him the what was an escape from your pain has become a trap causing pain.

I found it is almost impossible to resist playing the free fiver or whatever when I signed up to sites to ban. Then I would think a tenner won’t hurt – only one . Next thing I was broken cos I had lost half the wages for the month . A gambling blocker like gam blocker or bet filter would be a great investment of your hubby’s pay . You could not gamble on line at all. You can also get hubby to set parental controls on the wifi and not give u the code .

Throw everything at this Bee . Give it your all! I think it’s a great idea to self ban at those bookies .
Make your whole life about not gambling For the next few months . It will be hard work and sometimes seem impossible but u need to abstain to break down this addiction. It does get easier. And like you – it is so worth it

[Bee123]

Feeling much more positive again now. I put my plan in action yesterday. Didn’t get tempted to play any free spins. a lot of the sites don’t give you them anyway until after you make a deposit. No money to deposit so was easy enough.
i-did-it, will look at gambling blocker when i have some money. Does this work on phones too?
Some of the sites make it really easy to self exclude and others seem to make it as difficult as possible.
I realise the only way i can stop is to have all the blocks in place as i have zero will power once the urges come. I find them impossible to fight.
Onwards and upwards

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bee, I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Glad that you are feeling more positive. We all stumble! Just keep trying. I don’t know how blockers work as I don’t online gamble. My gambling is done in casinos. It is good to have a plan and to follow through. This is great site and the people here are awesome. Have a great gamble free day.

[vera]

Well done on seeking support , Bee and thanks for taking the time to post to my thread.
I’m so sorry to hear you lost your son 5 years ago. Loss and loneliness seem to be common triggers for gamblers. We tend to seek “consolation” in the very wrong places and once the habit is formed it is very difficult to reset our patterns.
My advice to you would be take one day at a time, keep postponing the next bet, be accountable for your time and limit your access to cash. It’s amazing how little money we really need on a day to day basis.
I am gamble free today, thank God, but who knows what tomorrow will bring…

[i-did-it]

Well done Bee. So pleased for u . Keep plugging away at it. U will get there . I had no will power either but it does grow with free time. I actually did what u are doing – signing up and blocking. Now when u get money treat urself to something frivolous like getting ur nails done so u can see all the time the reward of not gambling . Dont think about it , don’t feel guilty about it. Just do it. My first buy was sparkly sandals which I wore every day and they sang to me “u are gamble free” . Bee u are doing it . !!!

[Bee123]

Thankyou ladies,
Love your comment about the sparkly sandals singing to you i did it, haha.
I have my plans made for today to keep myself busy.. As you say Vera, one day at a time.
I’m feeling much safer knowing that i have self excluded from as many places as i could. I have certain games that i like to play, other games don’t really interest me.
I have no intentions of hunting down anything else to play and get myself addicted to.
Come on Bee, you can do this

[i-did-it]

HI Bee .hope all is going well today . You can do this ! You are doing this .
And the great news is it will get easier to do this !
Keep working at it . Well done On all the self excluding !
u deserve this Bee! Believe that, believe in u !

[i-did-it]

Hi Bee, thank u for ur post on my thread . You are around a week gamble free! That is amazing Bee.! Trust me all of us here know how difficult it is to get past day one never mind a week. You are really doing well. I think it is really important to treat yourself (feel the guilt and do it anyway) to something you normally would never buy. Just think if u had gambled u wud be hundreds down anyway . The list is endless – eyebrow makeover , nails , lipstick – now I wanna go shop.!
Something just for u that u will notice all the time!!

I think (and I can only talk from my own experience -I have no expertise ) that this helps retrain the brain in the following ways
1. You do start to believe you are worth it if you start behaving in a way that shows u value yourself
2. Money starts to have a different focus – a “me me” focus cos so many of the gambling fantasies we have are about what we will do for others with our big win.- again this comes back to valuing ourselves
3. U build new brain connections which with practice will Take over from the gambling ones
4 you will feel secretly pleased /happy each time you look at your nails/ mirror etc cos u will look great and also u will know u are beating this thing.

There that my personal psychobabble for today ! Keep working it Bee! I am so impressed!!!

[i-did-it]

Hi Bee – just wondering where u have gone. As they say in weightwatchers- if u have had a good week your meeting needs you – if you have had a bad week you need your meeting. Hope to hear an update soon

[Bee123]

Hi i did it,
Just left a post on your journal. I get you about checking in. Need to make sure i don’t start slacking even when i haven’t gambled.
Well, it hasn’t been easy this week that’s for sure. The urges come most days and it’s a battle not to give in to them. I’m hoping that with time i won’t get them every day. It’s so draining having to fight them.
Hopefully next week will be easier

[i-did-it]

HI Bee, yes the urges decrease the longer we are gamble free and even if the odd one comes we are better able to rationalise and dismiss them. You are doing amazingly well. I bet you feel better already despite the urges . Our brains kinda clear of a lot of the low feeling gambling brings .
Your grandchildren sound delightful. Enjoy ur tv show !

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