[lostall]

I just want to share my story here. I”ll try to make it short as much as possible.

I am from the Philippines and have only played thru the casinos here, Macau and Singapore. Live only, no online casino. I mainly played slots, baccarat, roulette.

So anyway around 6yrs ago I was scammed about 15,000$ via some “investment” stuff and was devastated. I was 27 at that time, I am doing well, I didn’t finish my degree and pursued some business start ups that went well hence by that age I was regarded as successful by many. A couple of weeks after getting scammed however, I went to the casino decided to play for fun as I was really bummed out and won about 500$ quick, won another 500$ the next day and another 500$ the next. I was feeling great, I thought to myself it is possible to win back what was scammed from me.

On the 4th day however, I lost about 1,000$ and I just had this burning desire to return so I can win that back.. that was it, I was hooked. You know the drill, you win some, you’ll lose a lot, and after 6yrs I am here, with tons of loans, debts, and downto literally 50$. I won 5,000$ at some nights, but will gamble them all away and some more by next week. Playing 3-5x a week for 6yrs I was regarded a VIP Patron and the casino did everything to keep me coming back, comps, free rooms, gifts, free chips, etc. I gambled away my health too as sometimes I’ll spend 24hrs-48hrs straight.. to how I lasted 6years is a miracle by itself. Remember I was scammed 15k 6yrs ago? If I had to put a number on how much I lost to the casinos for 6yrs it will probably be at the 120-130k$ range already. I always have this moment getting in my car, cursing and shouting, and saying to never come back but after a while especially when I am liquid I go back and continue the cycle.. and now writing this journal, I hope it will help put a stop to this cycle.

I feel used, stupid, and range of emotions like killing myself and so much anger to the world. In the end I know it was all of my doing but still.. it feels worse knowing it was my fault. My businesses closed, I am broke, and currently on my way to liquidating all that I have.. I still have my car and my place(which I can use the equity to pay off some debts) and at 33 I might have to crawl back to my parents. Its pathetic, at 33 I never imagined that my life will turn out this way. Never.. I fell way too hard, rock bottom. I just lostaround 10k this weekend, my last 1k of money I just squandered away earlier, and I literally have 50$ to my name at this moment. Looking at my firniture and stuff here, I can liquidate them including my car and that’s it.. I know it will take a while rebuilding my finances, health and relationships due to 6yrs of this addiction. Again I have been at this moment many times and the feeling wears off and I go to the casinos again, but now that I have written it and shared it to everyone I hope something changes and that I’ll be able to take back life that I once had or better.. a life I had control over, realizing my dreams and doing things to get there. It will take time but I have to start somewhere.   

[velvet]

Hello Lostall and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[finding_laura]

Hi LostAll and welcome to the forum. Being a gambling addict is like falling down the side of a cliff or mountain. We may manage to grab a little hold here or there but we still continue the fall every time we go back and bet! Stopping this addiction when in full motion takes some drastic measures! Access to money keeps the addiction alive and in motion. Allowing us to fall further and further inflicting more damage. We need safety nets to stop the fall. If you are able to BAN yourself from the casinos you frequent, do it! Or give up access to your funds. Transfer money to an account that ties it up or to a person you can trust to look after it/hold it. If you go back to your parents tell them why. You do not want to start asking them for money under false pretenses. If they know you will want money for gambling they will be able to tell you NO. I know that can be terribly hard to do. I did it myself. When I decided I had had enough. I knew I had to outsmart my gambling self. I knew I had to protect me from my gambling self. I knew I had to keep my money from my gambling self. Something for you to think about. Perhaps you will be able to find some addictions counseling? That can also be a help. It gives you some tools to cope and some ideas as to why you are still there after all this destruction. Please update how you get along. Take care, Laura

[Dmgibs]

Congratulations you took the first step. Finding help and posting your story. It does feel horrible to lose money and be at rock bottom. Sometimes we have to hit bottom before we are willing to change. It has to hurt more to stay where you are than it will to change. I have lived 2 lives. Myself that everyone knows and myself the addict, the one that no one but me knows. I have spent thousands of dollars. Spent bill money, grocery money, gas money. When I am spending it I am sure I’m going to win it back so I just keep spending more. Only to lose everything I gave in the bank plus some. I have thousands of dollars in loans and I can not even make the monthly payments. I have got to stop.i have taken the first few steps.. I found this forum, I am starting GA on Friday, and starting church on Sunday. Good luck on your journey.

[kathryn]

Keep reading and posting, take support where you can get it.
Laura has given you some great tools to start your recovery journey.
You can turn things around.
Love K xx

[lostall]

First, thank you for your concerns, I appreciate the replies. I wish all of us the best.

This is embarrassing but I owe you guys an update and its not a good one, after a couple of weeks not gambling, and liquidating some stuff, I was able to have about 7k in cash, its safe in my bank account. A close friend who works overseas came back to have a vacation last Friday with a couple of foreign buddies. They are staying at the hotel situated near the airport as they will fly the next day to explore island beaches for a week. After dinner however they told me they want to “play” a little, I was hesitant at first and told them my max will be 400$ and that was it. Withdrew the 400$, placed bets and we actually won and had fun! l got a free room for the points I earned and went with them at the hotel too and called it a night. But as I am still in rush of it all, I went down and gambled again alone but I won some more! I went back to my hotel room at about 5am feeling all good, had to wake up early as we’ll have breakfast by 8am before they fly to a nearby island here by 11am. All good, they went there way and this was the time I should have went home too, but then I decided to gamble again! I won again! But then the losing streak happened and to make it short I lost all my winnings and the 400$ plus 3000$ more after I decided to get a room again and decided an all nighter. I have done it again..

This addiction can really take over, and you cannot trust yourself once you are inside the casinos. It just takes over. I still can’t ponder why it is so hard to stop playing after losing 50% of your winnings, you always think you can get them back until its gone and you are infront of the ATM withdrawing hard earned cash and playing all night long until you cannot withdraw any more cash. Its sickening.

I am thinking of the tips of finding_laura offered. I will also make it a routine to log in to this website every morning just for me to see and reaffirm my decision to quit and then log in at night to seal my non-gambling day. I will also print this out and place it at my office desk as a reminder everyday why I quit and will remain gamble free. Until one day I have paid all of my debts, regain my life, business life, and be of help to everyone here struggling like I do. That’s the vision. I know its hard but I am positive about this.

One day of no gambling starts today, August6,2018.

[lostall]

Heads up!

[Author]

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