[samsara1952]

I stared to gamble when i gave up nursing to look after my mum and 2 sisters,i was a staff nurse and worked i accident and emergency department which i really enjoyed. My mum who was from poland died soon after this hit me really hard,then a year later my sister who was 42yrs committed suicide this caused me to go off the rails although i still had another sister to look after,she had suffered a severe stroke and needed my help she became unwell and i had her admitted to hospital even though she didn’t want to go but i promised her that she would be home soon but that wasn’t to be she died in my arms while i was dressing her to take her home never in my life had i felt so much guilt and despair she died from hospital negligence and i was paid out didn’t want the money wanted my sister i felt lonely even though i have a good husband.
I have 2 children but my son is also ill he was diagnosed with schzopherina at the age of 18yrs he was taken into hospital for 2yrs then went into a private hospital for another 3yrs he now lives in a flat with the help of support workers but that does not stop me from constantly worring about him he comes home friday’s to monday’s every week and it breaks my heart i myself suffer with depression and i’m an invalid so i never went out then i stated playing online bingo and slot games i felt this was the escape i needed until it started to become a severe addiction i spent every ting that i got from my sister’s death plus more and more hoping that one day i would win big ,i was lying constantly to my husband about were had all the money gone i even got an overdraft of £4,500 to play i never have won big but i was always hoping that 1 day i would too be honest i just couldn’t stop myself i would self exclude from the sites i was playing then i would open another new account telling my husband that i had stopped more lies
It came to head when this week he found out about the overdraft and that i was transfering money into my account to play bingo or slots i have made us pennieless and i have only myself to blame can’t stop crying and scared about paying this money back to the bank i knew i had to do something and rang gamcare and they gave me your website i hope this is a start to help me to recover from what i have done over the years and to love myself better because at the moment i feel worthless evil and couldn’t care less if i live or die sorry for any spelling mistakes i’m crying while writing this.sorry for all the upset i have caused.

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