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Yesterday i typed and deleted. Typed and deleted. Never posted a thing. I know we are all going thru simular feelings , thoughts. I think to myself i do not want to bother people. I need to keep my thoughts to my self I put myself in this position. I read every day on this site. i try to go to all the meetings, read along and share at times. yesterday i didnt even get dressed. I was in lounge clothes all day. I know I need to find interests again. Been wanting to paint the kitchen. I purchased the paint planned on doing it yesterday. Needless to say I did not. Woke up this am. Another day what to do. I started to paint. my mind racing, spilled paint ,good thing I had a drop clothe down. I continued on to paint very time consuming. Alot of time to think. It is Tuesday and tomorrow is payday. Knowing I need to pay bills, (behind in everything) I start thinking okay take a hundred ( never stop at hundred)and go try to get more there. I know I banned this is why because as soon as money goes into the account i have plans of blowing it knowing full well that I will LOOSE my a…
Thoughts will remain however I know I cannot return and I thank GOD, my hubby, and all u people here for helping me realize that the best move I made was self banning.
Thank you all and stay strong
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