[natalie5033]

Hello,

I want to start by explaining i am not happy.

Im not happy with myself, my actions or the way it has effected not only myself but my amazingly supportive family.

One word to sum it up?

Ashamed.
I think my problem started when i was little we would go to the beach and wouldn’t be able to contain my excitement toward playing the 2p slots, due to my dad working nights it was the only time i could even get close to spending time with my dad and him smile. Its not his fault not even close! But the rush i would feel winning that worthless toy would stay with me long after the amusement with the actual object has passed.
Then i went through a few bad years just before my 10th birthday, my mum was diagnosed with an aneurysm next to her heart and my very close auntie was at the last stage before death. Family time was difficult even when we had a precious moment for it. A few months later my auntie had unfortunately passed which sent my Mum (who by this point had been through a life saving operation) into anxiety and depression. my mum struggled for a few years with this loosing her best friend. Now please don’t just believe i had bad times because my life for the up most has been fantastic and spoiled one, i have always gotten everything i have ever needed and wanted. As i said before my family are the best.
As i turned 18 I was no stranger to the national lottery site and had squandered my weekend job pay one too many times. It was 18 though that my friend introduced me to bingo on my second visit i won £1250 and again this excitement that i had once experienced came rushing back. After this i demanded to go at least once a week then the rush stopped.
Where had it gone?
Why was i no longer feeling the pleasure, so to bump it up i started using the Bandits.
This was my fatal error.
Currently to date i have wasted at least £12000 on bandits.
I have £10000 overdraft £10000 loan and an £800 on a credit card.
The thought of what ive wasted, the pain ive put my family through is most of the time unbearable. I constantly want to cry.
Can i turn it around?
Im 21, i have a job that i don’t entirely hate but don’t love either because i had to get a job to start funding my habit instead of finishing college.
Positives – My family, My boyfriend and friends.
But i feel i am putting these at risk at my unforgiving moods and behavior.
Apologies for the long introduction. I hope i can try and help others not feel alone and maybe i can try and find some peace.
Thank you.
x

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