[Erobitha]

Today I gambled online. Slots are my demon. I have a great job, great partner and generally all I could ever want, but for the past 10 years or so I have become addicted to gambling online.
I work in the online trade. I know exactly how the online gambling industry works. Using algorithms that generally work on multipliers of stakes for both losses and gains to keep the player hooked for longer periods of time as it feels like a natural ‘some you win and some you loose’ scenario. It’s almost irrelevant the level of stake, the system always ensures the house wins in the end.
I’ve won some major bonuses playing slots. I’ve had great Christmases because I won big on a bonus.
Today I hit a new low. The last €15 in my account was deposited into an online casino to spin slots at 0.50c a spin – why?
I’ve downloaded software that blocks me from accessing these websites, but being technically smart I can code my way around them. Sometimes that is half the challenge.
I’ve been told that people have many different triggers and that everyone is different. I genuinely think mine is some kind of weird mix between wanting self-destruction and boredom. It’s like I’m testing the limits of how low I can go. I don’t think that is healthy.
I’ve quit addictions before such as smoking. Been smober for almost 4 years now, but this is one vice I somehow keep coming back to. So tomorrow is a new day, and I now know the only way to successfully win is by cold turkey and taking each day at a time. Next time I get a craving I need to count to 100 and breath slowly, whilst also finding something else to occupy my attention. Have no idea if it will work, but I need to try something. I’m tired and ashamed. Enough is enough before I gamble all that is good.

[charles]

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi Erobitha and welcome. Well done on looking for help.

Firstly, to answer the title of this thread. “Don’t understand why I do it.” Initially, at least, you don’t need to understand why, you just have to address the fact.

Read the other stories here, you will see a lot that you will relate to. You will also see the success stories, what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

Does your partner know about your gambling? Or that it is a problem? They could certainly help you with accountability. It sounds like the online barriers might be easy for you to get around so financial barriers will help.

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[Author]

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