[Johnny B]

I spoke with my marriage counselor this morning about the difference between a gambling addiction, and a complete disrespect for money.  They go frighteningly hand in hand.  People have spending addictions involving shopping, or travel….our financial issues revolve around gambling.  I always used to debate whith friends and family that gambing was better than spending… When did you ever go to a store and come home with hundreds, or thousands more than when you walked in…..but as we all know…we play it all back and then some…. Then at least the shopping addict, has “product” to show where there money has gone.  There is nothing worse to me than losing a months worth of pay in one afternoon.  Not only did you lose the money, but you lost the ever valuable time…of cousrse, a win completely justifies it … but when you are down thousands, winning a couple hundred doesn’t quite matter… so we keep playing…and losing.

How many times have we needed money for a repair, or some clothes….and we go and lose two or three times the money that we needed….guess what, we still need the money for the clothes or the repair…we just have to work harder and harder to get the simple things that we should have spent on originally.  We all work way too hard to earn the money we make, and pissing it away is a shame.  But I write this to say, although some of us relapse, we are still in a better place because of Gambling Therapy.  I know that nobody who has ever been on this site, is gambling again, without at least considering the consequences…which in it’s own right is a small if not fleeting victory.  The shame involved can be a danger in it’s own right… In the past, when I played, and lost…I truly started to not care…”I am already in debt, what difference does it make if I take more…”  Thus the utter disrespect for money!

I have read about a lot of my gt “friends” relapsing lately, and I have to say I am very sorry to hear of the struggles.  I too have gambling thoughts very often.  Just today I was debating with my wife and counselor as to why I should be able to “play” with a controlled amount…and do it the right way!  Very possibly I know it may be a gateway back to the abyss….but I have been basically “gamble free” since last November….a little over 9 months…(still play lottery sparingly, and have bought some raffle tickets for local VFW drawing two of the last 4 weeks)..I feel I deserve to be able to play again…but then as I look back, do I really miss it.  Sure I miss the action, but how much better is my life today without the stress, and financial strain that the gambling has always caused me?… How much better is my marriage?  How much better is my future?…..

We are all in control of our lives.  We all have made decisions, and have to live with the consequenses.  This is a very difficult situation for all of us.  Gambling is everywhere, and the fact that I “cant” play, makes me feel inferior to anybody else who can live a “normal” life, and make their own choices….So the best way for me to cope is to say that TODAY I choose to not gamble.  Do I want to…of course I do…. Do I want to risk the progress I have made with my wife, and my own psycological strides….I DO NOT.  So for now… I will stay the course, and hope to stay for years to come…However, for my “friends” who have gone back down the rabbit hole, I wish you the best,and will be here to support you as you try to stay the course in the future!  I am proud of each and every one of you for making the effort to stay away, it is not easy…and only the people who have been there can possibly understand!

Thanks for reading!

[i-did-it]

Johnny
Great post !
There is no such thing as controlled gambling I guess when we are desperate enough to need this site .
I posted last year about some research which said some people could return to controlled gambling, and I thought about it but alas I am not one of this people.
I had a small relapse – one which I was able to get into check quite quickly but it seems to have really cemented in my brain that I cannot ever gamble just a little .

I guess if we could do controlled gambling we would never have found ourselves messed up enough to need this site .

I agree that being here is really helpful and the encouragement we receive from others helps too.
We know when we have messed up and to be able to come here and have people encourage me to forgive myself is invaluable.

I guess shopaholism is another addiction – whoever Said “everything in moderation” has the right idea .

Well done on making the right choices!

[Johnny B]

In the past I have gambled “within my means” while my wife was present.  My problem is I liked to sneak and gamble willy nilly, and she was never aware what we I was losing.  After she and I had sought counseling, it was agreed that it was best if I stayed away from it all together.  I have concurred, and as of this writing I have been “clean”.  I won’t lie, I am a little scared to play again, because I don’t want to “blow up” again…. but a small part of me is bitter that it has to be this way.  I am sorry that you went back, but I applaud you for the time you stayed away, because you have proven (especially to yourself) that you can do it.  A slip in temptation will happen, and I am certain that the majority of CG relapse at some point.  

I remember the days where I have hated myself for what I have done, but I don’t think it is fair for me or anybody to judge others if they have a slip.  What I want to do is take the positive out of it, that we all recognize what is wrong, and are trying….if it fails, the guess what…we try again!  It is never to late to stop, and someday, hopefully we stop for good!

Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate the time you have afforded me on this site!

[finding_laura]

Hi Johnny, thanks for this great post. It is insightful, positive, honest and supportive of your fellow members. Thanks for connecting and sharing. I got a lot out of it. We are human. And sometimes we fall back into something old and comfortable. I think what I learned from my past relapse (and it wasn’t just a relapse, it was a 2 and a half year return to gambling) is that the feeling of it had changed. I knew I was breaking my promises. I knew I was lowering my standards. It sucked to lose and it didn’t even feel good to win because who was I going to tell and share the winnings with. I was in debt up to my eyeballs and hiding from my friends and family so my sessions were limited. And I still lost. So I was in more debt up to bangs and things just felt futile. Save yourself the trouble of finding out that it’s the same shite different day. You aren’t missing anything and have so much more to show for it. All that glitters is definitely not gold. You made the right decision and held on to the true wealth in your life.

And if we make a mistake and think that things have changed, well it’s good to know there is support here. When we need to come back to our senses.

Keep up the great work Johnny. It’s good to see ya!
Laura

[velvet]

Hello Johnny and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Johnny B]

Thank you for your kind words.  I want to be sure that I am not coming off judgemental to anybody, nor do I feel above any of the conversation on this site.  I think, especially the newer people, need to know that we are all in this together.  I have brought up many times that I am amazed at how few people actually are on this site considering that there are many more like us out there, whether they want to admit it or not is a different story.  Gambling is evil.  What else can be so “exciting” yet so frustrating at the same time… and can cause so much damage…. I had mixed reaction on a different recovery site,where drink and drugs were the main vice….I couldn’t help but thing in some sick way, I would rather be hooked on one of those because it would seem to me that once you kick the physical side, the psycological side would fall in line….Gambling is everywhere.  In the states, the federal government just “legalized” sports betting, it is now up to the states to decide what they want to do with it… It is bad enough that slot machines are in almost every bar and restaruant, now we will have sports book type places popping up everywhere…. The psycology involved with staying away is an incredible strain, and I cannot blame anybody for “falling off the wagon”.

Especially as money becomes tight, our gambling brain takes over, and because we have had winning sessions, where it seemed to come easily…we always have the itch to scratch.  On of the recurring themes I see is when people go back, the losses become bigger, almost as if they are making up for lost time…. I think the guilt plays a huge part, we shouldn’t be doing it so we go a little “crazy”.  Because we don’t know if or when we will ever do it again…. it is a double edged sword that is best left alone.  I agree, and I appreciate your advice.. I know I will not play today.  I don’t plan on playing anytime soon… I am just sad that so many of us have to feel the burden of letting ourselves down!

Keep the chin up and thanks for you response

[Liz1]

Great post!

[Jackdandy]

Great post Johnny
Ive tried controlled gambling
For me it just made my head scream to play more
I think when you’ve self destructed enough times and you think if I just put 50 or a 100 and see what happens
You are back to square one
Stay strong and enjoy your marriage and your life
I ruined my marriage and its a really stupid thing Ive done
When your lonely its easier to piss it all away and then you start feeling that you have nothing to offer anybody and it just gets worse
Life has enough ups and downs without us making more downs
Cheers

[finding_laura]

Hey Johnny,

just checking in to see how things are in your world after the long weekend?

Life here is good. Our short summer is coming to an end and I’m grateful to say no gambling.

I’ve rewritten a paragraph here several times and have decided I’m not ready yet for too much thought (only had one coffee lol) but still want to say hey and keep up the great work! Not to mention this post should be read again so bumping it to the top 🙂

Laura

Laura

[Johnny B]

Thanks for checking in… I work retail so the long weekend was just that for me.  I am in the furniture business (mattresses to be exact) and it is our busy time…I have been in retail for 28 years now.. and I am 100% certain that it has played a huge role in my gambling life.  For 10 hours a day, I have to be “on” and sell any Tom, Dick, or Harry that comes into my store…. The “play” time for me was when my mind could unwind.  I played blackjack, so the basic strategy came as second nature, and I didn’t have to think too much.  I would work for an entire month, get a great commission check, only to be broke within a week.  Granted I had many bills, and overexpenditures…but the gambling was always the extra burden.

I hope this finds you well, and I thank you for checking in…I am approaching 10 months from last time I was irresponsible.  ( I can’t say I haven’t gambled –lottery and raffles–)..but that is very different in my mind because I haven’t ever gone overboard on either.

Have a great evening, thanks for your time!

Keep the faith!!!

Johnny B

[Author]

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