[Light10]

Desperately in need of some advice and support from people who can relate. My brother has had a serious gambling problem for years and stolen crazy amounts of money from my family and been bailed out every time! He was clean for about 2-3 years and relapsed about 6 months ago and we found out a few weeks ago. My mum has bailed him out again for some money that was stolen etc. more has emerged and I think my mum is gona bail him out again for the latest! My mum doesn’t have the spare money. I don’t know how he has the cheek to take it off her! I’m not even aloud to let rip at him. When is this gona end!

[worriedmama]

As long as somebody is bailing your brother out this will go on forever! I am sure your mom thinks she is helping . A CG can be VERY manipulative and persuasive and your mom thinks that if she just sorts him out this time he will stop. Unfortunately addicts don’t think the same way as you or I. Their addiction does all the talking and it is 100% irrational!
Perhaps you could get some information together on gambling addiction for her to have a look at or show her this website and get her to read some of the stories.
I am the mom of a CG and it took me a long time to start doing the things that helped me start living my own life and let my son take responsibility for his own.

[Light10]

Thank you for your reply. Since his latest relapse came out about 3 weeks ago he says he hasn’t gambled since then. I just find it hard to understand how they can go from one extreme to another?! My mum payed off for another thing he sold and had to buy back as didn’t belong to him. So I have decided to not speak to him for a while. My mum unfortunately isn’t one for accepting help. Im going to a family support group on addictions tonight which hopefully will be helpful. How is your son doing now? What happened when you stopped bailing him out? Did he go to prison or anything like that?

[worriedmama]

Good for you for getting to a support group. I have been going for 1 1/2 years and it has helped immensely. It is a really tough addiction on both the gambler and those in their life.
My son is 26 now and started when he was 18. The whole family has been affected by his gambling. I know he did not choose to be a compulsive gambler but there is only so much you can deal with the denial, lies, broken promises and tears!! You will come to realize this really is their deal and until their life becomes unmanageable they will not stop! The best way to make their life unmanageable is to let the consequences of their actions fall where is belongs… on them.
Don’t be too hard on your mom as it really goes against our nature to not help out your children. Unfortunately the more we bail them out the stronger this addiction becomes. We are actually giving the gambler more fuel for their addiction!
My son did not go to prison but he has stolen from us and our business. He hit a bottom of sorts last year and has been going to GA since. He has relapsed 3 times over the year but keeps returning to GA… so we feel hopeful.
You can only do what you can do and you have to learn to be happy with that.

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