[one more spin]

Hello everyone i’m Rich 32 and live in the UK. Ive decided to join after having yet another really bad day betting, Ive really gone and done it this time Ive gone and lost all my holiday money 2 days before Im due to leave all because I was chasing a small loss that had then grown to losing every penny in my pocket and bank account. I feel physically sick, you guys know that feeling right ? and somehow through this fuzzy head Ive got to try and spin some plates and dig myself out of this hole again. How am I going to do it this time,borrow more money ? who am I going to ask this time ? I really am the lowest of the low. 
WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself again and again ??? Because when that urg comes rational thinking disapears, Ive totally forgotten all of those horrible feelings I had just one week ago when I had "done the lot again".
I just couldn’t overcome that compulsion to go and have a bet to win some money, today of all days and at the worst possible time to lose. 
I of course convinced myself that was not going to happen, im going to win today and win BIG I will ! Wrong again Rich !!! Youve done the whole lot, and now for the 100th time this year all of those self pitying feelings flood back through my brain. 
Ive made the decision I need to get help. Ive been gambling since I was 12 , god Im now 32, 20 years of these feelings I cant go on like this, and of course although most of my gambling is done in secret Ive hurt and pulled my friends and family through the treacle too. My own pure selfishness is so destructive to the people that care about me. 
My game is the FOBTs in the bookmakers or more commonly known the Roulette machines. It all started when I was young , when I used to stay with my cousin who lived by the Seaside. I literally spent the entire week in the ammusement arcades playing the 2p shifter machines same old story spent my holiday money in the first day, then spend the rest of the week washing peoples cars so I could go back and cause myself some more pain by "chasing my losses", my poor cousin must of hated me. Through my teens and into my early 20s I went a bit more upmarket to "fruitmachines". But then around 10 years ago as im sure many of you know the FOBTs appeared in the bookmakers. I was use to playing to win a £25 jackpot on the fruit machines but these FOBTs were a completely differet kettle of fish you could win hundreds in a few minutes. Looking back it really shows me just how bad these machines are, dont get me wrong Ive clearly been a compulsive gambler for some time but back when it was just the fruit machines the stake was 25p or there abouts and on a bad week I may lose a couple of hundred. When I first started playing the roulette machines my stake may of been a couple of pounds which to me that was pretty "heavy" compared to the 25p on a fruit machine but over the years the stake has grown and grown sometimes im playing £100 for a single spin its absolute loonercy. I do not and never have earnt enough money to justify such large stakes, but these machines just got me the second I started playing them and have dragged me in further and further every year. So ten years on every spare penny that Ive had has been fed into these machines and more. I have compromised just about eveything that is good about life through my addiction.  
I am a compulsive gambler, I am entirely responsible for the hurt and upset that I have caused to myself,friends and family. But surely there is something very wrong with bringing Casino games into the high street or even the local parade of shops where its instantly accessable for somebody like myself to empty there entire bank account in the matter of a few short minutes. I feel so strongly about this. If I am ever able to call myself a reformed gambler I swear I would join any group, sign any petition and give my support to any organisation that will try to ban this type gambling activity that the bookies claim is all part of a fun social leisure activity that can be enjoyed in a controlled way. It angers me that their idea of protecting the problem gambler is by slapping a couple of GamCare posters on the wall in the shop. Its a joke. Why dont they advertise self exclusion next to the machines im sure this is a form of advertising they would rather want to avoid, i for one have never seen this before although my focus is always on the wheel not the wall. 
I know Im rambling and like many of you I have my tales of woe, but this my story and Im pleased that I have wrote it and I am pleased to be here. Thank you for reading, I wish you all good luck, but not the kind of luck you will get in the bookies.
Regards Rich  
  

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