[aidanr92]

Hi All,

I have been accepted by GM’s Residential Course and am browsing the forums in the meantime. I have been gambling since I was 18, fruit machines and Slots were always my vice. I actually gambled on more things, sports and table games etc but strangely showed a level of control in comparison to the slots – I could go on for hours chasing a bonus on slots to the point that money was just bleeding out of my account.

My sessions were always sporadic. I am writing this now 4 weeks after my latest episode where I sat and played online slots and lost. I feel no urge to go back and gamble, no anxiety, nothing. I have discussed with my family the best options for me, I tried GA and Gamcare therapy but I couldn’t honestly tell you whether they actually helped because truth be told I didn’t really want to be there.

I must say that I do feel anxiety about attending the rehab. It’s not that I don’t want to give up gambling because I have already committed to that in my head, it’s more that I hate the idea of leaving my life, my job, my friends for three months. I worry how a 3 month gap will look on my CV.

I am of course keeping an open mind to my options. This is probably the first time where I have said to myself that I am giving up gambling and meant it. My first option now is rehab here. Still for now I can look at what else is available and start to work out how my triggers work. I am seeing my local GP mental health representative and he is helping me a great deal.

Sorry for the long post but thought your first one has to be the most informative!

Am looking forward to hearing from some of you.

-Aidan

[velvet]

Hello Aidan and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Aidan
I always get a kick out of reading that someone in this forum has been accepted on the GMA programme because I know how inspirational and life changing it can be if you want it enough.
The line that jumped out at me from your post was that you were giving up your life, your job and your friends for 3 months.
11 years ago the CG in my life went on the programme, when it was a 9 month project, I thought of all the things he would miss and expected him to drop out very quickly – how wrong I was. 9 months out of his life was a drop in the ocean compared to his life since.
You have the chance to gain a gamble-free life, where your real friends will gain someone they can trust, where a job can be for earning money to enjoy, rather than throwing it into a lifeless machine that doesn’t care for you one iota.
You are not giving up your life for 3 months Aidan – this is ‘your’ opportunity to gain a better, healthier life that ‘you’ control – embrace it.
Velvet
You may never know what results come from you actions but if you do nothing there will be no results – Mahatma Gandi

[aidanr92]

Hi Velvet,

Fully understand where you are coming from, I’m not by any means dismissing the fact that the rehab would have excellent effects in comparison to the time taken.

To be honest I suppose its the feeling that come with being a CG showing – What will my friends say? Who will notice I’m missing, how will I cover up to employers where I’ve been for the 3 month hole?

I applied to GM as it jumped out at me. I’m hoping the waiting period will allow me to use the support they offer and perhaps find alternative means for something that fits my needs. I know I have the willpower to stop myself from an addiction – I have given up smoking fairly easily with no problems, it’s a case of putting my mind to it.

For the first time since my family recognised my behaviour and gambling was a problem I am committed to myself to giving this up completely and not looking back. It’s hard to say that the previous methods used were useless because I didn’t truly want to do it.

Aidan

[velvet]

Hi Aidan
The support of your family is fantastic – if they are prepared to listen then please try and tell them how you feel because they cannot understand without being given information. It is easy to get uptight with families but if you have listening ears then use them calmly.
Your family are more than welcome to use the F&F forum on this site and/or the F&F group on Thursdays between 20.00-2100 hours UK time (8-9pm). The privacy of the group is often preferable to families and we do have mothers popping in most weeks.
I am sure that if your friends are good friends they will applaud what you are doing, the addiction to gamble is very secretive and so most people are unaware that such a problem exists – I enabled my CG for 25 years because I didn’t understand what was wrong. I talk about it now and it is amazing who is prepared to show an interest and even some who know someone they are worried about. Purely by accident I have helped friends who were not seeking help because they didn’t know what help they needed.
I am glad you are using the waiting time usefully – starting the project with some gamble-free time behind you does help. If you struggle at all though between now and when you go in don’t worry because that is quite usual.
I’m not sure how you cover up the hole with your job and I cannot tell you what to do because lying is not conducive to recovery – maybe you should take the bull by the horns but as I say I cannot tell you what to do.
Keep posting
Velvet

[aidanr92]

Another week gone by, still no urges, still no problems. I’d have thought this wouldve been similar to when I gave up smoking – The first week was always the hardest but this doesn’t feel the same. I don’t appear to be struggling with stopping thus far, I still associate with my friends who have been known to have a punt on the football and not afraid to show it off when they hit a win. Nothing really has changed for me in terms of how I’m treated, I do tend to draw the line at letting EVERYONE know the full extent of my problem, my close friends are aware that I have a problem but they don’t treat me any differently which I am grateful for.

I will be seeing my mental heath nurse again in a weeks time at my local GP surgery. I know this isn’t the same as what GM offer but it’s doing me a world of good. Just sitting for an hour talking solely about the problem once in a while does take a load of and doesn’t bottle up everything I have inside. The addiction has modified my behaviour over the years and as a result my Mother and Father’s relationship has deteriorated with both myself and with each other.

I overheard them last night arguing about me. I do have my doubts about this rehab. I know it will do a world of good, I’m just not sure I’m ready for it. I feel like i’m being pushed towards it because i’ve been accepted, Mum says that I have to go because I might not be accepted next time if I apply. Is this true?

The real struggle I have currently is picturing myself in a rehab over the Christmas break. I can honestly say hand on heart I have never properly tried giving up gambling before. Whenever it was a problem previously I’d just shrug it off until eventually I go on my next sporadic spree. To be honest, I’m looking forward to the first urge to gamble to see how I handle it. My mindset has changed about gambling completely. Gone is the person who thinks “well if I chuck £20 into the slots I could hit a bonus” and here is the person that sees that £20 as a night out instead, why waste it on something that actually is incredibly repetitive and just puts in you some black hole of problems and depression.

Unfortunately I can’t talk to my parents much about the decision to go to the rehab. It’s not been long enough to prove my mindset about the whole thing has changed and that really they are just waiting for the next slip up. To be honest, this is the first time I can say I’m looking forward to disappointing them on that subject. Let’s see what the next week brings.

-Aidan.

[velvet]

Hi Aidan
What are your doubts about going into the rehab?
If you don’t take this offer because of the reasons you have given it appears that you have not accepted the strength of your addiction.
Your parents are not a reason for you go into GMA; the reason should only be because your want to control your addiction but it would be strange if they were not steeling themselves ready for the next slip when you appear to be in denial of your addiction – they care about you and they don’t know what to do about your behaviour which you admit has deteriorated over the years. They don’t have a crystal ball, they don’t know when a true recovery might start.
I promise you that you will never disappoint your parents if you control your addiction.
Maybe you could contact the GT Helpline regarding staying in over Christmas – I can assure you that nobody actually wants you to do so including the staff who want their Christmas too. ‘If’ however and I really mean ‘if’, staying in over Christmas meant that you controlled an addiction that would take you to depths you cannot imagine if you don’t control it then what is more important – a lifetime free of struggle or a few days of Christmas cheer.
If you have your date, then maybe you should discuss your concerns with GMA who might agree with you that you are not ready – but from all you have said I think that you have just got cold feet which is completely normal.
Being accepted in the future would depend on GMA but of course with so many people wanting this opportunity there can’t be a guarantee.
Keep posting
Velvet

[Anonymous]

Have you decided yet mate?

[aidanr92]

I don’t think it’s a question of cold feet. I definitely have accepted my addiction, I’m not living in a dream world where I think everything is rosy and ok, where I can have one bet and be fine with it, it’s not like that at all.

As I’ve said previously my mindset about gambling has completely changed. To me, whenever you watched the likes of Jeremy Kyle or other such tripe for instance, rehab was always the last resort. The end game, the final solution if you will. For me, I haven’t really tried anything else, I have just jumped straight to it.

Part of me thinks that I can beat this without rehab, My mind tells me that it’ll be three months of “coping”, therapy classes and other such things that teach you techniques of how to stay away, how to recognise what to do if you slip up into the old ways. Personally I think it just boils down to pure willpower, same as smoking, same as dieting. Has an individual got what it takes to say no and stay strong to themselves knowing what will happen if they don’t?

That’s how I’m seeing things anyway and it’s worked for a month so far. I don’t plan on changing that fact anytime soon.

Aidan

[Anonymous]

I think rehab is many people’s last resort, and there’s many people who are abstainant addicts without it, many who live in recovery without ever setting foot in rehab. It is not the be all and end all. But, in my opinion, it is the best support available.

Your synopsis isn’t too far off the mark but there is also a lot more to it.

Anyway Aid. I’m just about to set off on a long journey. Whatever you do mate, I recommend you keep using this site.

Take care, all the best.

Geordie.

[Author]

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