[Monkeycf]

Hi, I joined a while ago wrote a post and then disappeared and went and gambled even more heavily than before.

As it stand right now I have blown my inheritance from my late mum who died of cancer (when I started really gambling) to then gambling money my dad had given to me to look after, to now having £14000 in loans, an overdraft at £2000 and a credit card with £2500 on it.

In total I have lost £150,000 in the space of four years, I am ashamed, I have confessed to my dad and I can’t lie I have been close to taking my own life, this is not something I can let myself do however as I have a little boy that although I know I have let him down I couldn’t do that to him, I’d rather end up being a disappoint instead of a memory of a man that used to be dad.

When I first lost my mum every time I spent money regardless of the good reason I felt I needed to replace this money and the only way I could see was gambling, you would have thought after several big losses I would have learnt my lesson however I didn’t and that monkey on my back kept whispering in my ear.

Today will once again become my day 1, although I haven’t told my partner what I have done I have confessed all to my dad, we have a plan all be it a fairly flimsy one, I am holding out hope that my bank will give me a £21000 loan to consolidate all my debt although I am worried I won’t get this.

I am hoping to post my feelings and worries on this post in the hope that the support will quite that monkey on my back and finally allow my mind to have some type of peace.

[vera]

Hello Monkey,

I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Many people begin gambling following a bereavement and it escalates until we look at the monetary loss and realize our gambling is out of control.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and as you say, an awful legacy for a child to handle.
Well done on speaking to your father. You need to be very careful when and if the bank give you that loan to consolidate your debt. I have had a few of those loans and I am very ashamed to say they all ended up in slot machines so my suggestion to you would be to get your dad’s name on a joint account that needs two signatures for withdrawals.
WELCOME TO GT.

[Jonny123987]

Good job on starting day 1!

[Dave1]

Don’t let money take a hold on your mind. This is the reason for an eventual relapse. Just work, earn money, pay of debts and with the time left find a way to enjoy life. Being preoccupied with money takes away the time you can use to enjoy life.

And I agree with Vera, be careful with a loan. Me too have made the mistake to increase my debt, by gambling it.

[Monkeycf]

It’s only been a few days but not gambled since I did this post, longest I’ve gone in years.

I have confessed every little bit to my dad, somehow he still cares and I have given him control of my finances, still hoping for this loan to make life liveable and trying to keep strong.

Thank you for the words of encouragement

[Jonny123987]

Of course your dad still cares. He’s probably at an age that he knows time is more valuable then money. Being money people use that piece of information close to you when you have the urge. When we gamble we not only lose money but we loose something far more valuable…. Time. Time with friends, time with loved ones, time to be ready for that great opportunity, time to appreciate the feeling of a drop of rain on our faces. Stop gambling. All the money can be made back. The time can’t ever be earned back.

Jon

[Paul2017]

Hi Monkey,

in a similar position – lost a hell of a lot of money, 3 houses, family and friends and no, we cant take the coward way out and no we cant give up… I have a little girl too and I loved how you put it that its better to be a disappointment than a memory — what wise words – I would hold onto those thoughts every time you have a temptation – I know too well its easier said than done – but it is right what you say… I have done the easy way out – obviously didn’t work out but never again – I will not let my demon beat me anymore and as a newbie to this site – I get a lot of inspiration from this site

you are not alone….

We’ve got to change our mindset and learn to love ourselves again….

well done for being so honest, I think that is the first step… keep going pal..
Paul

[Monkeycf]

Still managing to hold it together, feel bad anytime anyone tells me they love me me that don’t know what I have actually done.

Trying to focus on the future and what life could be like with not gambling and the money that I will have from saving.

Trouble is time goes slowly when not gambling but on a positive note time with my family will increase with things going so slow just have to keep my head together this time and things will slowly get back to some type of normality.

[kin]

Hi Monkeycf

Take one baby step at a time, before you are halfway there, things will get better.

[Monkeycf]

Hard day today and not sure why, walked into town started to consider going to the bookies and playing the machines, snapped out of my head quickly and walked back to the office, one day I think I could never gamble again then all of a sudden that thoughts comes into my head, I’m pleased I walked away but scared at the same time.

[Paul2017]

I know where you are coming from – – the advice I was given is to ban yourself from the bookies – particularly your local ones – if you do that – then atleast your local temptation is gone and makes it harder

I haven’t been able to do that yet , but I am going too – I have done online

you CAN do it Monkey

[Monkeycf]

I lost £500 today, talked myself into £100 only quickly turned to £500, why do I do this to myself 🙁 day 1 starts again tomorrow, I really hate myself right now

[Paul2017]

you are a CG mate, we do these things but you can change this habit – you are not alone – whatever the amount, you know you are going to lose because you cannot stop – I think this is the hardest thing for us to learn – you’re not listening to the people on here – ban yourself –

[Monkeycf]

I am blocking myself from all my local bookies, I haven’t gone back since, will leave my bank card at home on Monday so can’t be tempted by walking in there.

Day 2 no gambling.

[charles]

Good move on getting excluded from those bookies. Leaving your carda t home as well. If you work in an office the really you only need to have enough money on you for lunch, better yet take sandwiches.

Plan your breaks though, maybe take a book to work. keep posting and let us know how you are going to fill your gamble free time.

[Monkeycf]

Still no gambling and better yet I’ve had access to money, staying focused at the moment, I want to start looking at forgiving myself a little bit a time, I can’t take back what I’ve done but I can take control now, dad still being my rock, thank god, I will make him proud, and one day I’m gonna make my family proud.

[Author]

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