[beagles123]

Hi ive just joined ive gambled all my life since the age of 16 when my father took me to the local race track and im now 47 and i can safely say it has ruined my life and left me with a lot of regrets what could have been.I am a very fit guy for my age as ran marathons most of my life never smoked and hardly ever drink i should be worth an absolute fortune if only.I changed jobs when i was 18 and got friendly with this guy who was a big gambler which made my gambling worse wrong place at wrong time u could say but im my own person so had a choice.I was 16 yrs of age and was an apprentice butcher as my dad owned his own shop and one of the guys that worked in the shop said one day theres a horse running today called peter the butcher do u all fancy putting a pound on it so we all agreed not thinking anything of it until the nxt day my parents used to get a paper delivered and i will never forget it opening the paper and reading the results peter the butcher 1st 20/1 lol i couldnt believe it 21 pound was nearly a wks wage to me at that point in my life but unknown to me that was the worst thing that could ever have happened we used to close the shop on a sat lunch time and i started going to the bookies for an hr or so placing a few bets until my habit grew.As ive got older ive kind of got more sensible and had very long periods in my life when ive been very happy in a relationship without gambling and it hasnt bothered me but the minute i find a crisis in my life i go back to the gambling its like an escape and forget about all my worries its mostly football now i bet on i am very good at it but the more i win u just want more but have bet horses and dogs over the yrs also its like if im in a shop and have one bet its like i cant stop betting nearly every race ive never played machines anyway im a very good father to my 14 yr old son we have a fantastic relationship and wouldnt want it any other way but i could be an even better father and person if it wasnt for my gambling i have two sisters who have helped me out on many an occasion and my father also ive also become a bit of a loner because of it and gave up other interests also ive tried to stop quite a few times in the past few yrs i stopped for nearly 8 months recently without any help ive visited gamblers anonymous it wasnt for me im very strong willed prefer this way if im honest anyway i get laid off april and may every yr and through sheer boredom started gambling again online in the last 6 wks and im in a mess again im owe 2 months rent to my landlord and a few other debts and hardly any money for food and not eating properly and feel very very low and i know this has ruined my life over the yrs and i want to be a better person and be a better father to my son and enjoy life before its too late and hate myself at times when i think of the past the way its ruined my life and what could have been i hate this feeling ive said to myself over and over i dont want to feel like this ever again but i keep falling back in to it ive been happy when in relationship and not gambled but what woman wants a loser or a man with no money i can go months without gambling but when i feel low or a bit down i get the urge to gamble and just want my life to change and have some happiness before its too late as i know im a good person but my self confidence is rock bottom right now.

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