[leicester75]

I am 35 and have gambled in essence since I was a young lad playing slot machines at our weekend holiday camping site when I was only 10. I guess Looking back its clear I would have a problem, I would spend my hard earned paper round money within hours of arriving on the Friday at the site and think nothing of it.
When I reached gambling age I would visit the bookies with friends now and again and love the buzz of making money so easily and the pleasure of enjoying my winnings.
However, I didn’t really gamble much through my early 20s. . . But then discovered poker online when it was first really getting going. I was pretty good too at first winning a few tournaments and enjoying the challenge. But then they started to introduce roulette links which a decided to sample (such a big mistake). That was when I was 26. It all went down hill from there. The next 9 years i have spent my life juggling debt. Never spending it all because that would let out my secret, always maintaining enough money to live my life but making excuses why I never bought a house or went on many holidays. My debt was all run up on credit cards, at a time when it was so easy to get. During that time I have had many dark lonely nights, unable to sleep due to constant panic attacks and the constant need to calculate how I would pay off the latest set back. I have had periods where I have avoided the desire to gamble and even felt like I’d seen sense. During these times i have paid off a good percentage of my debt only for me to fail once more and blow all the money it took me months to pay off in a matter of hours. Like so many compulsive gamblers once i start i can’t stop, a mist descends and even winning doesn’t really matter.
I have lost someone I loved through my gambling, not because she didn’t want to stay but because i was so angry and unhappy by what I had brought to our relationship. we never had a chance.Since then my gambling has been sparodic but heavy when it comes. My darkest hour was last Christmas. i was recovering from an operation and so spent Christmas day on my own. I proceeded to spend 16000 over the course of Christmas day and boxing day. At a time when I should have been celebrating the years end I was in the loneliest place I had ever been.
I managed to recover over the coming weeks and have spent this year paying off my debts and up until yesterday the last 4 months have been the happiest I’ve had for a long time, even though i still have sizeable debt. But yesterday i slipped, I allowed myself to gamble and set myself back 6 months in my debt repayment. I didn’t see it coming and I guess was nieve in believing I had it beat. I have since blocked my gambling account and will be installing a block on my computer. But i felt the need to come here too and throw everything i have this time at beating this thing because I can’t go through one more night like that
I have never shared this story with anyone though isolated people in my life do know I have had a gambling problem. The Christmas story stays hidden as does my gambling this year. Tonight i spoke to a couple of people on the forum and it felt good to be honest, as this does now.
So here’s to a new beginning and the strength to see it through. . . What doesn’t break you makes you stronger

[Author]

Posts